


Coffee and Pancake

by carxies



Series: Adventures of Pancake [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (jut in case but man i missed that tag), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, I decided to put them as minor as well idk, M/M, Makki saves a puppy, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Rated T for language, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, don't mind me changing the tags all the time, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7519033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carxies/pseuds/carxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanamaki opens the door of the veterinary clinic and steps inside, shivering violently with the small ball of fur in his coat. Just then a young man walks down the corridor and Hanamaki knows him, well, at least as much that he can say he goes to the same university as him. He has a long blue cardigan thrown over his shoulders and he looks so cosy, Hanamaki is jealous. Also, damn.</p><p>The dark-haired male raises his eyes from the papers in his hands and furrows his eyebrows, a frown forming at his previously bored-looking face.</p><p>“Might I help you?” he asks, his voice echoing through the empty hall.<br/>“Y-yeah,” Hanamaki stutters and uncovers the puppy’s head with shaky hand. “I-I’ve f-found him.”</p><p>The other man closes the distance between them with long steps, taking the puppy out of Hanamaki’s embrace. “Follow me.”</p><p> </p><p>Makki falls in love, twice - and it's not what you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Snowflakes gently fall down and cover everything in their reach, slow and cold wind helping them. This year’s winter is way crueler than the last one, leaving no other choice than wrapping yourself in as many layers as you possibly can. Hanamaki watches the rush outside from the warmth of the coffee shop he works in, elbows on the wooden counter and head in clouds. He still has one hour left before he can, most likely, run back to the dorm and bury himself in the soft sheets. He must finish his essay and read at least one chapter of the textbook he hates so much, not to mention his duty to cook the dinner for him and his roommates tonight.

 

A familiar man steps inside, shaking the snow off himself like some kind of animal, leaving tons of mess of the floor that just had been cleaned. He looks around and huge grin takes over his face once he spots Hanamaki.

 

 Hanamaki sighs. Every other member of the staff in the room sighs.

 

“Hey! Is Kuroo still here?” the latest costumer calls, way louder than needed for Hanamaki to hear.

 

Hanamaki simply nods, not even bothering to say anything, because he knows that the mentioned co-worker will appear in matter of seconds, with the same ridiculous grin to match his friend’s one. It’s always like this – Bokuto, the loud and always cheerful student with grey hair comes, calls for Kuroo, and then the hurricane starts. Neither of them is a bad guy; Bokuto is just too excited all the time, as Hanamaki has learnt, and while Kuroo is usually the _quiet yet sassy dude_ , Bokuto’s words, he lets go once his best friend is around. The first time Hanamaki has witnessed this, it was a shock. He himself could be considered a ‘smartass’, yes, but he’s definitely more of the _leans-to-you-and-whispers-a-bad-pun-type_.

 

Just as predicted, the black-haired man runs to meet his friend, both of them loudly exchanging some not making sense sentences. Just like always. Loud. Hanamaki sighs again when he hears something that sounds way too much like " _If we both stick to the story, they can't prove anything."_

 

He sighs again.

 

**

 

After cleaning the tables, helping with the dishes and mopping the floor, Hanamaki is finally free to leave. He throws on his coat and beanie, wrapping the scarf around his neck and up to cover the lower part of his face. He calls a quick goodbye and steps in the coldness of the evening streets. It’s nothing unusual, he takes big steps to get to the dorm as soon as he can. It’s nothing unusual.

 

And then he hears a _whine_.

 

It’s not humane, he can tell that much. He ignores it, but with another step, the whine gets louder and more desperate. Hanamaki frowns to himself and turns around, finding no one there. Nothing on his left either. Just when he decides it’s probably nothing, another whine rings in his ears.

 

“What the..” he mumbles, turning on his heel to take a look at his right.

 

There’s only an ugly, old looking brown box. Someone has to be kidding him, Hanamaki thinks, and bends down to look inside the box. _Someone must be kidding him._

A puppy. Dirty, little puppy, staring up at him with sad eyes. Hanamaki guesses it’s originally white, although it’s hard to tell with the layer of dirt covering it.

 

And it’s shaking cold.

 

Hanamaki, as someone who had never ever had a pet, does what everyone in his situation would – panic and google instructions. It says to take the animal to the vet, which he would totally figure out himself, of course. He hides his phone back in his pocket and takes a deep breath.

 

“Okay little guy,” he whispers as he reaches towards the puppy carefully, trying his best not to scare it. It works out, the puppy leans into him as he picks it up, gently cradling it his arms. “I’m gonna help you, yeah?”

 

He almost waits for the reply.

 

**

 

Hanamaki has never thought about whenever he’s lucky or unlucky. Sometimes things work out for him, other times don’t. He got into the university quite easily, although now he has to try hard to handle it. He lives with his friends, which he believes was pure luck. Now, however, he curses everyone and everything, because he misses the train by a _damn minute_ and he definitely considers himself unlucky.

 

The puppy in his lap continues shaking, but it doesn’t make a single noise for good ten minutes of their waiting for the next train. Hanamaki watches it closely, feeling extremely guilty for some reason. He can’t explain it though – it’s not like it was him who left this little guy on the street in this cold winter. No, he’s the good guy here, taking it to the vet and all.

 

He looks at the trembling puppy. The poor puppy looks back at him.

 

Hanamaki sighs.

 

“Yeah, right,” escapes his lips and he pulls off his coat, wrapping the dog in it as well as he manages. “There you go.”

 

The puppy curls up and watches Hanamaki for the whole train ride.

 

**

 

Hanamaki opens the door of the veterinary clinic and steps inside, shivering violently with the small ball of fur in his coat. Just then a young man walks down the corridor and Hanamaki knows him, well, at least as much that he can say he goes to the same university as him. He has a long blue cardigan thrown over his shoulders and he looks so _cosy_ , Hanamaki is jealous. Also, _damn_.

 

The dark-haired male raises his eyes from the papers in his hands and furrows his eyebrows, a frown forming at his previously bored-looking face.

 

“Might I help you?” he asks, his voice echoing through the empty hall.

 

“Y-yeah,” Hanamaki stutters and uncovers the puppy’s head with shaky hand. “I-I’ve f-found him.”

 

The other man closes the distance between them with long steps, taking the puppy out of Hanamaki’s embrace. “Follow me.”

 

Hanamaki does as he’s told and walks after the stranger to another room where a middle aged woman sits behind big desk. When she spots them, she jumps to her feet and before Hanamaki knows it, the puppy is on the metal table and the two of them examine it. Few minutes later, the man disappears and leaves Hanamaki alone with the woman. He stands in the corner quietly, slowly warming up, however his fingers still feel like they’re gonna fall off.

 

The woman looks rather concerned as he does whatever is that and then she asks Hanamaki bunch of questions. He replies as best as he can with his teeth chattering.

 

The handsome dark-haired guy comes back with a cup of hot tea and hands it to Hanamaki wordlessly, nodding towards one of the chairs along the wall. Hanamaki mumbles his thanks and gladly takes the seat, sipping the drink, which could possibly be the best in his life. Or he’s just really cold.

 

“Well,” the woman starts good hour later, “It seems that other than being cold and underfed, he’s healthy purebred Samoyed puppy.”

“What’s going to happen to him now?” Hanamaki asks, playing with the now empty cup in his hands.

 

The woman turns to him and sighs. “We’re going to keep him here for a while and try to find his owner, although it’s pretty clear someone has abandoned purposely.”

 

Hanamaki nods and finds himself frowning. He leaves with weird ache in his chest.

 

**

 

“We were worried about you!” Oikawa shouts, his normally perfect hair all kind of messed up.

 

He sits on bed that’s definitely not his in his old pyjamas, glasses slipping down his nose. Oikawa’s boyfriend, the original owner of the bed sitting beside him, shakes head and takes the glasses off Oikawa’s face, carefully setting them on the nightstand. He places a quick kiss on his cheek before he turns to Hanamaki.

 

“This shit was more worried about his dinner than you,” Iwaizumi says, but there’s no venom in his voice.

 

No matter what nicknames Iwaizumi calls his boyfriend, he would most likely kill anyone who would dare to even give him one bad look. And god help anyone who tries to call Oikawa any name other than his own. It is a well known fact in the university by now, especially ever since that one incident in October.

 

Although strangers might miss all the gross love Iwaizumi has for Oikawa if they blink, it doesn’t go unseen by Hanamaki - not with the way Iwaizumi’s fingers gently move along the scar on Oikawa’s knee all of the time. Iwaizumi can be hard to read sometimes; Oikawa loves to tell him every single time, however Hanamaki knows that Oikawa wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Hanamaki flops on his mattress, handing the pizza box to his roommates. “I’m sorry, something happened and it took longer than expected.”

 

He tells them the story as they stuff their mouths with now cold cheese pizza Hanamaki stopped by to buy on his way back.

 

“You’re a hero,” Oikawa utters and licks his finger clean, which no one ever has seen him do except Hanamaki and Iwaizumi. “I forgive you the dinner.”

 

The man by his side chuckles and pinches Oikawa’s side, making him yelp but laugh nevertheless. Hanamaki watches as his friends mess around for a while before he brings a heavy book from under his bed, busying himself with the boring text.

 

When the lights are finally off and they all lie in their beds, Hanamaki doesn’t miss the quiet ‘ _I love you_ ’s the two of his roommates exchange before everything falls silent. He smiles and closes his heavy eyes, thinking back about today until dreams take over him.

 

**

 

“You’re going shopping again?” Hanamaki asks, though he’s not really surprised at this point anymore.

 

“Yes! You should come with us, it’s your day off anyway,” Oikawa replies and tugs on the hem of Iwaizumi’s hoodie. “Right, Iwa-chan?”

“Sure.”

 

And so, he is dragged along to the big shopping centre full of people, especially couples. The good thing about Oikawa and Iwaizumi being together is that even though they’re a couple, whenever Hanamaki is with them, he’s never actually the third wheel. They’re just the three friends, two of them dating. He is secretly thankful for this, although he wouldn’t say that to Oikawa’s face. Iwaizumi, he would consider.

 

While Oikawa disappears to try on everything they’ve picked, Hanamaki and Iwaizumi sit on the stools in front of the changing room. Hanamaki notices all the bored-looking, groaning in annoyance guys wandering in the girls section and snickers.

 

“Aren’t you one of them?” he asks his friend, who immediately shakes his head.

 

“No, I actually quite like this. And let’s be honest here, you can’t leave Oikawa shop for himself. That guy has the worst fashion sense I’ve ever seen. But that’s not the reason I come along – I mean, he could wear whatever and it wouldn’t change a thing for me. It’s just .. I don’t know, I think that it’s a pretty good way of spending time together other than in school or being locked in the room all the time. It’s usually fun and if these guys can’t enjoy it with their girlfriends, it’s their own fault.”

 

“Whoa, I didn’t expect a whole speech from you,” Hanamaki chuckles and the slightest blush colours Iwaizumi’s cheeks.

 

Just then, Oikawa sticks his head out of the changing room and looks at them with a grin. “Iwa-chan, can we buy matching shirts?”

 

Iwaizumi sighs, but asks which ones nevertheless. When Oikawa hands him one light grey t-shirt, he lets out a quiet laugh and nods, giving it back to Oikawa, who returns to his previous action. They really do buy the matching t-shirts.

 

**

 

Oikawa wiggles his eyebrows. Iwaizumi pinches Oikawa’s cheek but nods in approval.

 

“ _Fine_ ,” Hanamaki snaps and with a deep breath, he finally opens the heavy door of the veterinary clinic.

 

His friends follow him inside as he makes his way towards the guy from last night who stands by the desk and writes something. He’s wearing a black sweater today, which greatly compliments his features, especially the dark hair. He looks even better in the daylight.

 

“Hello, erm, I don’t know if you remember me but-“

 

The man looks up at him and smiles lazily. “I remember you. You came to check on the puppy?”

 

Hanamaki nods wordlessly. The stranger puts his pen down and gestures Hanamaki to follow him to another room, where bunch of cages are all around the floor. He walks to one and squats down, opening it. Snow white puppy runs out of it and looks up at Hanamaki.

 

“Oh, hey you,” Hanamaki mutters and leans down to pet it. Within seconds, the dog is lying on its back and lets Hanamaki scratch its tummy. “So no one is looking for him?”

 

“Looks like it. If you haven’t taken him and brought him here, he would be most likely dead by now.”

 

Hanamaki frowns as he watches the puppy cheerfully rolling on the floor. He doesn’t even want to _think_ about that.

 

**

 

The puppy gets better. Hanamaki must know, because he comes back every day for a whole week, each time with different treat. The dog is fond of him, and Hanamaki is fond of the dog.

 

“I believe it’s time to say goodbye, Hanamaki-kun,” the old woman says as she walks in the room where he’s playing with the puppy.

 

He raises his eyes to meet her gaze confusedly. “Why? Did you find the owner?”

 

The woman sighs and shakes her head, leaning down and scratching behind the puppy’s ear. “No, but we can’t keep him here any longer, so we’re taking him to the animal shelter tomorrow.”

 

Hanamaki’s heart stops and his mouth falls open. He looks at the dog. The dog looks at him.

 

The decision is made.

 

**

 

It’s a Sunday morning when Hanamaki sneaks back into the campus, his sport bag heavier than usually, soft snores coming out of it. He heads to the kitchen first, deciding it will be better to break the news to his roommates with a breakfast. He sets the bag down and checks on the sleeping puppy before he starts working on the food. His mind is going crazy with all the adrenaline and all he wants to do at this point is lie down and probably cuddle with his new mate.

 

When he returns to their room, both Oikawa and Iwaizumi are still asleep, limbs tangled together on Iwaizumi’s bed. Hanamaki places the plate full of pancakes on the nightstand and releases the puppy from his bag. It immediately run around the place, sniffing everything it can reach. Hanamaki lets it and changes his clothes.

 

“Iwa-chan..THAT’S NOT IWA-CHAN!”

 

Hanamaki turns around, t-shirt half off to face wide-eyed Oikawa, whose face is getting licked by the puppy standing above him. Hanamaki laughs, loudly enough to wake the other man up. Oikawa quickly overcomes his shock and before Hanamaki knows it, he’s hugging the dog with a grin like a child.

 

“Makki, you’re gonna get into trouble! More trouble than Iwa-chan after the October incident!” Oikawa calls as he sits up and pets the puppy happily.

“Aaah yes, the October incident.”

 

Hanamaki finally takes off his t-shirt and sits on the edge of his bed, nostalgically remembering the glorious October.

 

“Not funny, guys,” Iwaizumi mumbles sleepily and pets the dog as well. “How is he called?”

 

Hanamaki scowls and looks around the room, searching for something that would help him name his pet. “Pancake.”

 

**

 

The three of them stare on the screen of Hanamaki’s laptop, one more confused than the other.

 

“So, he has to go out after you wake up, after he eats or drink a lot, when he wakes up from a nap, after physical activity _and_ right before you go to bed? That’s a lot,” Oikawa comments as he finishes reading the paragraph all of them focus on.

 

“I honestly thought that like three times a day would be okay,” Hanamaki admits.

“It is, but only once the dog is older,” Iwaizumi mutters, “It’s logical – Pancake is still a baby.”

 

Hanamaki leans back into his chair, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, I can manage that. And because he’s already 4 months old, according to this, he should be fed three times a day.”

 

Pancake wiggles on his lap until he finds the most comfortable position to sit on Hanamaki’s thighs and rests his muzzle on the desk. Iwaizumi pets his head before he announces that in the worst case, he knows a guy who knows how to deal with dogs, which Hanamaki gladly accepts.

 

The first feeding goes .. _Oh, well_. Pancake sniffs the bowl put in front of him, then looks at Hanamaki and nudges the bowl towards him with his muzzle. Hanamaki gently pushes the bowl back. Pancake pushes it towards Hanamaki. Hanamaki repeats.

 

“I think he wants you to eat as well,” Oikawa says, amusement clear in his voice.

“I’m not going to eat dog food!”

“Just pretend to! Like with kids! We had to do that with my nephew all the time!”

“That sounds so stupid.”

“Just do it, Tobio-chan is coming over in a bit,” Oikawa groans.

 

Iwaizumi comes back in the room just in time to stop his boyfriend from throwing the pillow on Hanamaki. After Oikawa’s quick complain, he sits beside him and nods, “It’s actually true. Just try it, Makki.”

 

Hanamaki doesn’t miss the victorious smirk on Oikawa’s face as he leans towards the bowl and pretends to loudly chew. When he moves away, Pancake has his head titled to the side, but then he finally sniffs the food and eats.

 

“Wasn’t that hard, was it, Makki?” Oikawa asks. Hanamaki ignores him and proudly watches his dog.

 

Once Pancake finishes his meal, Hanamaki gets dressed. “Well, I have to take Pancake out for a walk.”

 

“I’ll go with you,” Iwaizumi says and turns to Oikawa, “Be nice to Kageyama.”

Oikawa starts to protest, but when he feels Iwaizumi’s lips on his forehead, he just smiles and nods.

 

 

Pancake is carried in the sport bag until they’re no longer on the campus property and just then Hanamaki puts him on the leash. Surprisingly, he behaves well.

 

“So, why is Kageyama coming over? Didn’t they have some issues?” Hanamaki asks, his eyes set on the puppy walking by his side.

 

“They had, but it was caused by neither of them being good at actually communicating. Oikawa kept things for himself and Kageyama has never been good with words. The whole problem was just two of them being dumb, honestly,” Iwaizumi chuckles. “Kageyama has always looked up to Oikawa as a setter and Oikawa always acknowledged Kageyama’s talent and potential. It was pretty bad between them, yeah, but last year, Sugawara made them talk, genuinely talk and they figured it out. They’ve both been through some tough things.  And since then, Oikawa is much calmer. I think he finally let go of the past that he’s been so blinded by.”

 

Hanamaki nods, remembering the scar on Oikawa’s knee. He doesn’t ask any further.  

 

 

 

When they come back, Oikawa and Kageyama are sitting on the floor, loudly debating about something. Iwaizumi turns to Hanamaki and whispers: “Sadly, both of them turn into even bigger volleyball maniacs when they’re together.”

 

Hanamaki snickers and frees Pancake. He first runs to Oikawa, happily wiggling his tail before he curiously sniffs Kageyama’s legs. The youngest man looks at him hesitantly before he reaches out to pet him. The puppy gladly accepts the affection and soon he’s cuddled to Kageyama’s side.

 

“I’m gonna try to find the guy from the clinic,” Hanamaki tells Iwaizumi before he leaves, making his way to the community room.

 

 

 

 

Much to his luck, extreme luck, he finds the dark-haired man sitting on the sofa with a book in his hands, beanie slipping down his forehead. Hanamaki mentally prepares himself for the most likely awkward conversation before he takes a seat beside him, clearing his throat. The other man looks up from his book and gazes at Hanamaki.

 

“I heard you’ve taken the puppy,” he says as he closes the book and shifts to face Hanamaki better.

“I did. It’s just I’ve never had a pet so, I wanted to ask for some advice.”

 

The stranger chuckles and nods. “Let’s start with names. I’m Mattsun.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I’ve already read about feeding and taking him outside, but what else is there?” Hanamaki asks, his gaze wandering between Mattsun’s face and the book in his hands. He doesn’t recognize the author, but he’s sure he’s heard of this book somewhere.

 

The atmosphere isn’t awkward as he’s expected; it’s rather calm and light, much to his surprise.

 

“You see, they’re just like babies, really. You have to teach them everything. First of all, did you already name him?”

“Yeah,” Hanamaki mutters and a slight blush creep up his cheeks, “We call him Pancake.”

 

Mattsun laughs immediately, throwing his head back and his beanie slips down his dark hair. Hanamaki reaches out and barely catches it before it falls on the floor, handing it back to the man beside him. The man mumbles his thanks and puts the beanie in his lap, leaving his short hair messy. Hanamaki _might_ think it looks cute.

 

“He likes it, okay?”

“Okay. So he has his bowls for water and food?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Then, a place to sleep? He needs to learn some routine, so it’s for the best if he has one spot where he can sleep, his own bed ideally.”

 

Hanamaki frowns and thinks over when the dog can sleep. His wallet says **no** to any more expenditure this month, mainly because he already had to buy the food and pay the vet. Maybe Iwaizumi will have some idea.

 

“Well, he can sleep with me.”

“Don’t let him sleep in bed now if you don’t want him to do it in the future. And let me tell you, he will be huge, so if _he_ sleeps in your bed, _you_ won’t sleep in your bed. Another thing is socializing, you want him to get used to meeting new people and animals. Slowly, step by step to make sure he isn’t scared and don’t turn into aggressive one.”

 

Mattsun kicks off his shoes and pulls his limbs under himself, sitting cross-legged next to Hanamaki. Hanamaki briefly admires his thighs before a wave of realisation washes over him and he hurriedly tears his gaze away. He curses himself for getting distracted so easily.

 

“I guess that’s all for the overall information. Do you have any specific questions?”

“Just one. How long do I have until he’s huge?”

“Like a month.”

 

**

 

It’s 2:07 am. Hanamaki has class in six hours. His eyelids feel heavier than the dumbbells Iwaizumi has on the floor beside his bed. Hanamaki would love to sleep.

 

Another sharp cry echoes through the room.

 

“Makki, for the love of god, just let him into your bed!” Oikawa whispers angrily.

“Never!”

 

**

 

 

Hanamaki is wide awake when the alarm goes off. He stares at the white ceiling, arms folded over his chest as the melody fills their room. It is a song that annoys literally everyone, so it serves its purpose – they all want to shut the damn thing as soon as they hear it. The record of fastest turning off the alarm is 12 seconds and the proud owner of it is Iwaizumi. Hanamaki’s best time is 20 seconds. Oikawa usually screams louder than the alarm rather than storming out of the warm sheets like that.

 

Today’s morning is different though, Oikawa isn’t making a sound and neither Hanamaki nor Iwaizumi jump out of the bed to stop the torture. Hanamaki turns his head to see that his friends are in familiar state as he is, just staring and not making any effort to move. The throbbing pain in form of headache reminds Hanamaki of a hangover, however Hanamaki hasn’t drank in ages.

 

Iwaizumi is the first one to actually get up and turn the alarm off.

 

A curse slips past Oikawa’s lips as his boyfriend opens the window, cold breeze coming inside the small space. Hanamaki braves himself to get out of the bed as well, Oikawa soon doing the same. The three of them get ready without a word, only sleepy yawns escaping their mouths. Just before they leave the room to get to the bathroom, Hanamaki turns to look at the white ball of fur curled on his bed, his duvet covering most of body of the sleeping dog.

 

_Damn it._

 

Halfway through the corridor Oikawa remembers that he actually forgot his toothbrush, much to Iwaizumi’s annoyance. He returns with Oikawa and Hanamaki drags his feet to the bathroom, his headache slowly retiring.

 

**

 

Hanamaki makes it to the class in a pretty decent state considering his lack of sleep. At least he thinks so, until this one guy looks him up and down, his gaze fixed on Hanamaki’s legs. Hanamaki doesn’t remember his name, he barely remembers him, so it doesn’t make sense to him why he keeps on staring.

 

And then.

 

“There’s a hole in your shoe.”

“What?!”

 

Hanamaki’s eye shoot down to his feet, discovering that, in fact, his left shoe has a hole in it, his dark sock barely peaking through. His thoughts turn rude, however his mouth stays shut as he goes to his seat.

 

He catches a sight of Mattsun few rows in front of him, chatting with someone Hanamaki doesn’t recognize at all. When he thinks about it, he barely knows anyone on the campus except his co-workers and few other people by pure chance. Mattsun looks content if anything else, in over sized sweater just like the other times Hanamaki has seen him. He wonders if the dark-haired man is as comfortable as he looks like he is; such a silly thought, really. He just hopes that no one around can read minds. And if yes, he’s truly sorry.

 

Hanamaki tears his gaze away only when he hears a familiar voice beside him.

 

“Developing a new crush?” Oikawa asks and sits down.

Hanamaki laughs. “Like hell I would.”

 

Oikawa gives him _the look,_ but says nothing more as the class gets quiet.

 

Hanamaki plays with his pen when the screen of his friend’s phone turns on to show a notification of new message full of heart emojis. A glimpse of loneliness blinds Hanamaki, although it’s just for a second. He shakes it off and tries to focus on the lecture.

 

 

 

The class seems to go on forever and Hanamaki jumps to his feet as soon as it’s over, sprinting back to his room in full speed. It’s no surprise that he collides with someone on his way; he only shouts his apologies without stopping.  He wastes no time getting Pancake into the bag and running out of the room and out of the campus.

 

He waits for Pancake to finish his business when someone calls out to him, voice deep and just pleasing to listen to. Mattsun approaches him with a small smile, amusement hidden in the corner of his lips.

 

“You have another class now?”

 

Hanamaki sighs and nods. He’s became a sighing person in this school quite fast, mainly thanks to Kuroo, Bokuto and Oikawa.

 

“I’ll take care of him for you today,” Mattsun says flatly, like it’s not a big deal, and takes the leash out of Hanamaki’s freezing hand. “I don’t have any more classes or work anyway.”

 

“Are you sure ?” Hanamaki asks, raising his eyebrows.

 

Mattsun just gives him another lazy smile and leans down to pet Pancake, who wiggles his tail happily. Hanamaki decides he has no time to hesitate and runs back to the campus.

 

He _might_ be developing a new crush.

 

 

**

 

“Hanamaki, there’s this guy asking for you,” Kuroo rushes into the staff room, smirk playing on his face.

 

Hanamaki gets up and follows Kuroo, ready to scold whoever it is asking for him when he’s finally on his break. However, when he sees Mattsun, he decides that it isn’t that bad. He feels almost shy as he walks to the man standing in front of the counter, few snowflakes slowly melting in his hair.

 

Hanamaki’s heart _might_ beat faster than minute ago.

 

“Hey,” Mattsun greets him.

“Hey. Is everything okay?” Hanamaki asks hurriedly, just now realising that Mattsun is supposed to take care of Pancake.

 

The dark-haired man chuckles and nods, taking a step closer to the wood separating them. A whisper escapes his lips. “Come closer.”

 

Hanamaki frowns but leans over the counter anyway, so his face is inches away from Mattsun’s. His lungs stop for a moment, because there’s no personal space between them anymore and he could count Mattsun’s lashes if he wanted to.

 

“What?” he tries to mimic Mattsun’s whisper, however it comes out all choked and shaky.

 

Mattsun leans just one inch closer. “You dog shits a lot.”

 

Hanamaki stares. And the next second he’s collapsing on the stupid counter. The room is suddenly silent and it’s only him and Mattsun laughing their asses off while few people glare at them. Hanamaki snores as he tries to catch his breath, which only makes Mattsun laugh more.

 

It takes a while before Hanamaki calms down and returns to his professional self. “You came all the way here to tell me that?”

 

“No,” Mattsun chuckles and folds his arms on the counter. “I came to have some coffee and tell you that he’s doing fine.”

“Okay, what would you like?”

“Something sweet.”

 

Hanamaki nods and goes back to his work, adding extra sugar in the drink. Just when Mattsun pays, he asks: “How did you know I work here?”

 

The man looks around and then repeats what he’s done just few minutes ago as he leans closer. “An owl told me.”

 

Hanamaki gasps just for the dramatic effect. “Akaashi.”

 

**

 

Hanamaki is exhausted by the time he arrives back to the campus and head towards Mattsun’s room. He passes two guys kissing in the dark corner and he isn’t even impressed anymore.

 

There’s a thing that no one tells you about this school – there are more people who aren’t straight than those who are.

 

The sweet looking guy who has almost inhumane strength? He is fooling around with his best friend, although there are bets going around about when they finally admit they love each other. Oikawa, as Sugawara’s friend, is intensively working on getting him and Sawamura together, however, as he says, these two are as dense as rock when it comes to feelings.

 

The shady but really pretty information-dealer Akaashi? Well, much to everyone’s surprise, the mysterious first year dates none else than the ever so loud Bokuto. Hanamaki has found out when he once needed something about the annoying dude coming to the coffee shop and caught Akaashi making out with him. Sadly, Akaashi refused to give out anything about his boyfriend. However, that didn’t stop the thick envelope with everything on Kuroo from appearing on his desk one day, without either Oikawa or Iwaizumi knowing about it. Hanamaki has never asked how that happened, but the Akaashi guy is Hanamaki’s secret hero, especially when he can now make Kuroo shut up anytime.

 

A half-naked stranger opens the door when Hanamaki knocks and announces that Mattsun should be in the community room, before he slams the door into Hanamaki’s face. He does find Mattsun there, all alone with the book again.

 

Hanamaki slumps down beside him and lets out a tired sigh. Mattsun speaks without looking up from the inked pages. “Long day?”

“Really long. Your roommate looked like he would kill me any second.”

 

The man beside him closes the book and gazes at him. “I’m sorry about that. His boyfriend is over, sadly. But I guess you’re used to that kind of stuff.”

“That kind of stuff?”

“Yeah, like being kicked out so your roommates can get freaky.”

 

Hanamaki tries to remember at least one time that it happened to him, but he has no memory of it. “No, not really.”

“You live with a couple and you’ve never walked in on them?! You’re a lucky guy then,” Mattsun chuckles. “I’ve left Pancake in your room, by the way.”

 

Hanamaki nods and thanks him before he drags himself to his room, finding Oikawa occupying Iwaizumi’s bed along with Pancake.

 

**

 

“Oikawa, how comes I’ve never walked in on you and Iwaizumi getting freaky?”

 

Oikawa’s eyes shoot up in a second. “What the hell, Makki?!”

 

No matter how much Oikawa tries, the colour of his cheeks gives him away and Hanamaki has to laugh. “Don’t tell me you-“

“Shut up!” Oikawa shouts and throws a pillow on Hanamaki, but he dodges it easily.

 

The man doesn’t speak to him or Iwaizumi for the rest of the night, which is hilarious at first; however after few hours, Hanamaki starts to worry if he’s actually hurt Oikawa’s feelings. His fear is confirmed when Oikawa goes to brush his teeth alone, even though he usually never goes anywhere alone. Iwaizumi tries to accompany him, but he’s coldly turned down.

 

 Hanamaki abandons his reading and dashes after him. He finds Oikawa standing in front of the wash-basin, looking extremely uncomfortable as two other guys chat few feet away from him.

 

“Oikawa, I’m sorry,” Hanamaki says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Did Iwa-chan tell you? That’s why you’re laughing at me?”

 

Hanamaki frowns and shakes head. “Iwaizumi didn’t tell me a word about .. you know, your privacy.”

 

The man sighs and runs his hand through the brown hair. “I’m sorry for acting so childishly.”

 

“It’s fine, really. Do you want to talk about it?”

 “No,” Oikawa smiles and Hanamaki is forgiven, he knows it without asking.

 

 

**

 

What’s the worst thing that could happen?

 

 _This_. This is the worst thing that could happen. Hanamaki feels like an idiot, he really does, and he already hears Oikawa’s ‘ _I’ve told you so’_.

 

The man in front of him is enjoying throwing salt into his wounds. He’s always been into all the wrong things and trends. Just to feel taller, he’s always made Hanamaki feel smaller. Just to look like better person, he’s always made Hanamaki look bad.

 

Iwaizumi’s words echo in his mind.

 

_Exes become exes for a reason._

Just now it’s clear how stupid it is to meet up with someone who broke his heart in thousand different ways.

 

Hanamaki does his best to keep his face emotionless, even though he feels like he will break any minute now. The man sitting across him seems more disgusting than ever. Even his slightest moves make Hanamaki cringe and he can only wonder how he could ever love him. Love is truly blind, he supposes.

 

And when it seems that all the hope is gone, a new source of it enters the bar. Hanamaki doesn’t question what’s Mattsun doing there or how his hooded eyes find Hanamaki’s almost immediately after stepping inside. All he knows is that Mattsun nods at him and in matter of seconds he’s standing by his side, looking down at his shitty ex.

 

“I’m sorry, but me and Makki have a date to attend now,” Mattsun says flatly and rests his hand on Hanamaki’s shoulder.

 

The third man gets up from his seat in order to scare Mattsun, Hanamaki knows, but his height is no match for Mattsun’s and he ends up cursing with no effect.

 

Hanamaki _might_ think Mattsun is the coolest person he’s met.

 

“Thank you,” he breathes out in relief when the man is gone.

“So, who was that guy?” Mattsun asks and takes the seat previously taken by Hanamaki’s ex boyfriend. “You looked so scared when I saw you.”

 

Hanamaki is truly embarrassed when he hears the words out loud, although he was aware of how panicky he must have seemed.

 

“I dated that asshole for a while.”

The other man doesn’t even blink. “Good thing I stopped by then.”

“Yeah.”


	3. Chapter 3

“What are you doing here? It’s a pretty shady place,” Hanamaki asks after Mattsun orders a beer for each of them.

 

He gives Hanamaki a look that says ‘ _you’re the one to talk’_ and Hanamaki drops his gaze down to his hands, second wave of embarrassment washing over him. He watches the waiter leave from the corner of his eye, not quite knowing what to do with himself.

 

“Your roommate told me you would be here,” is all Mattsun says and the rest of his reasons go unknown. “Look, there’s no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed, things happen.”

 

The waiter comes back surprisingly fast and Hanamaki wishes he would stick around for a bit longer, because once he’s gone, Mattsun’s presence is simply overwhelming.

 

Hanamaki slumps back in his seat and rubs his eyes. “It doesn’t happen every day that a stranger has to save my ass.”

 

Mattsun sips his drinks before his eyes fall on Hanamaki. He folds his arms on the table and rests the weight of his upper body on them, leaning closer towards Hanamaki.

 

Hanamaki almost shifts under the heavy look.

 

 “Do you consider us strangers?”

 

Hanamaki’s heartbeat picks up the pace and he decides that the only way out of this gracefully is to turn the conversation into a joke. “So far, you’re helping me out, so I would call it strangers with benefits.”

 

A deep laugh bubble in Mattsun’s throat and Hanamaki’s shoulders fall down in relief. He _might_ have a thing for Mattsun’s laugh.

 

**

 

“Alright, you have to tell me what this October incident everyone mentions is about,” Mattsun chuckles.

 

They walk side by side in the cold night, making their way back to the campus. Hanamaki’s head spins a little thanks to the alcohol and Mattsun’s scent so close to his body.

 

“Oh boy, let me tell you. It was the beginning of our second year, and by the time, Oikawa has gained about the same amount of popularity he had in high school, no real surprise.”

“Aah, he’s that type.”

“Yeah. But!  It wasn’t only Oikawa who was being hit on – people discovered Iwaizumi, much to Oikawa’s dissatisfaction. It was all okay, he rejected them all politely and life went on.”

 

Mattsun nods, kicking the snow pilling on the ground in front of his feet.

 

“Until this one guy didn’t know when to stop. It got to the point where he insulted Oikawa right in front of Iwaizumi, and that was the fatal mistake. Long story short, the guy lost his two teeth and Oikawa has the whole thing filmed.”

 

The man in front of him laughs as much as Hanamaki does. “I know the two-teeth guy! I have some classes with him!”

 

“I imagine he doesn’t like to talk about his nickname,” Hanamaki snickers. “No one dares to look at Oikawa twice now. Iwaizumi got into tiny bit of trouble, but he is that type who would probably get away with murder.”

“Yeah, I bet it’s because he’s so handsome.”

 

 

Hanamaki might be jealous.

 

**

 

Hanamaki wakes up with a headache and weird feeling in his gut. However, when he looks around the room, nothing has changed. Oikawa is whining while Iwaizumi turns the alarm off, Pancake is occupying his bed just like the night before – Hanamaki has given up trying to keep him on the floor, he just _can’t_ take his little cries. At this point, he would rather sacrifice himself than listen to the sad whining of his dog.

 

And yet, something is different, something is off.

 

Pancake snuggles against Hanamaki and rests his head on Hanamaki’s chest while he pets the puppy gently. “Morning to you too,” he mutters. The dog licks his arm and Hanamaki chuckles, wondering if Pancake can understand him. It feels like it.

 

“Hanamaki, how was your date yesterday?” Oikawa’s voice echoes through the room.

 

Hanamaki looks at the dog and sighs. “Go ahead.”

“I’ve told you so!”

“Yeah, yeah. Which one of you told Mattsun where I would be?”

“I did,” Iwaizumi yawns and gets out of his bed, “He said he wanted to talk about something.”

 

A frown finds its way onto Hanamaki’s face. He doesn’t remember Mattsun bringing up anything special nor asking to talk. He sits up and rubs his head, realising that he, in fact, doesn’t remember lot of things.

 

Like how he got into his bed.

 

The thought doesn’t leave his mind whole morning. He and Mattsun had some drinks. They went back to the campus together. And then ..

 

Nothing.

 

Hanamaki tries to remember what happened after that, but his memory is playing hide and seek with him. He uses the free time he’s gained thanks to his third lecture being cancelled to take Pancake for a walk and to get some air, force his head to function properly again.

 

He catches a glimpse of familiar man walking out of the campus and that’s when it comes back, in pieces.

 

He remembers Mattsun’s hot breath against his cold skin and he remembers himself giggling as they stood in the dark corner, bodies so close but not quite touching. He recalls Mattsun’s eyes staring into his before everything went pitch black. And then there’s only an image of Mattsun pulling himself away from Hanamaki as his roommate whispers something aggressively.

 

 _Shit_.

 

Hanamaki sprints back to their room, the weight of Pancake over his shoulder not bothering him at all. He burst into the room to find Oikawa and Sugawara on Iwaizumi’s bed, which is constantly used as a sofa. He greets the two of them breathlessly and gets judging looks in return. He releases Pancake, who curiously sniffs the new visitor before he settles between him and Oikawa.

 

“So, what are you talking about?”

“Boys,” Oikawa says like it is absolutely obvious and Hanamaki should be ashamed for not knowing. He has no time to play Oikawa’s game though, and he goes straight to the point.

 

“Great, I need help.”

 

 

Hanamaki briefly summarizes the last night’s events, avoiding Sugawara’s ‘ _oh honey’_ looks when he talks about meeting up with his ex boyfriend. He can kind of see how these two get along so well.

 

“That’s all you remember? I know you’re weak when it comes to drinking, but this..And how can you not know if he’s into guys?”

 

If Oikawa wasn’t able to actually help, Hanamaki would have punched him already. He is aware that then he would have to face Iwaizumi and probably lose his teeth, but it would be worth it. He could always buy these fake one with vampire fangs.

 

“Well, he said that Iwaizumi was handsome,” Hanamaki murmurs and pets Pancake to calm himself down.

 

Oikawa sighs.

 

“That doesn't mean anything, Makki! Even blind people can tell that Iwa-chan is hot!”

 

Sugawara looks between the two of them and pets Pancake as well. The dog definitely doesn’t complain about the amount of attention he’s getting.

 

“I guess we should start with finding out if he’s into guys or not. That way we could know if it could be considered a real date from his side and if we know the answer to that, it won’t be hard to tell if the kiss happened or not,” Sugawara says thoughtfully and Hanamaki has to wonder how can Oikawa say this guy is dense as rock when it comes to relationships.

 

“Makki and Mattsun sitting on the three, nobody knows if they kissed or not,” Oikawa sings cheerfully. “Makki and Mattsun sitti-“

“Okay _, I get it_ ,” Hanamaki snaps. “Now if you would _please_ , just..”

“I agree with Kou-chan.”

 

Hanamaki cringes at the nickname, but Sugawara remains unaffected.

 

“Then we have a plan,” Sugawara announces, “Let’s do it today.”

 

 

**

 

Some things are easier said than done. For example, keeping Iwaizumi from finding out what Oikawa’s gift for their anniversary is was decided in three sentences, but the actual action definitely made Hanamaki break some sweat.

 

 And Sugawara’s plan .. Oh, well.

 

It _seems_ easy.

 

First, discover if Mattsun is into guys. That shouldn’t be that hard, except Hanamaki sucks at reading the signs, as Oikawa says. He observes Mattsun the whole lecture he has with him and then in the hall, but nothing gives away if he likes guys. He notices only one thing – Mattsun talks to girls and boys without a single change in his posture.

 

When they don’t figure out anything by the time they’re having lunch, Iwaizumi ends up involved as well.

 

“Why don’t you just ask the dealer?” he asks, his mouth half full and Oikawa immediately scolds him for it.

 

Hanamaki raises his head and he feels like a kid waiting for its gifts – _it would certainly be a gift if Mattsun was into guys._

 

How could he not think of asking Akaashi?

 

**

 

Finding Akaashi can be quite a problem sometimes. But usually, if you just follow loud voice calling out random things, you’ll find him with Bokuto. This time, however, the first year is alone in the community room.

 

Hanamaki tries to act the less suspicious he can manage when he sits beside him on the sofa, because he knows that Akaashi would like to remain anonymous – only few people, including Hanamaki, know his true identity, which makes things exciting.

 

“What can I do for you?” Akaashi asks, not looking up from his notes.

 

Hanamaki looks around, checking if there’s any chance to be caught by Mattsun. When he doesn’t see the black-haired man anywhere around, he lets out soft sigh.

 

“I need to get some info about this guy I met. His nickname is Mattsun.”

 

Akaashi closes his textbook and narrows his eyes, most likely trying to classify the name. Then an invisible light bulb lights up above his curly hair. “Ah. He came around the other day to ask about you.”

 

Hanamaki nods. “I know. I need to know if he’s into guys or not.”

“You said the word _need_ twice already. I guess this is urgent?”

 

Hanamaki nods again, left in awe. This guy is awesome. Creepy, but awesome.

 

“I’ll see what I can do. Is by tonight good enough?”

“Absolutely. Can I ask something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Why do you do this? I mean, you don’t even take payments.”

 

Akaashi’s gaze wanders around the room before the corner of his lips turn up the tiniest bit. “I wonder.”

 

Definitely creepy. Hanamaki decides he doesn’t want to know the answer anymore.

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki meets up with Oikawa and Sugawara once their classes are over to get further into the details. However, when Hanamaki really cannot remember anything else, they move on to another topic.

 

“I bet that Sawamura would say yes if you asked,” Oikawa whines.

 

A blush creeps up Sugawara’s whole face and he shakes his head, waving his hand. “No, no. We are just friends.”

 

Hanamaki no longer wonders how can Oikawa say this guy is dense as rock when it comes to relationships. He _is_. If all the giggling, touching and the fact Sawamura has rejected _at least_ ten people this month (Kuroo mentioned this once) isn’t enough of a sign, then what _is_? Then what hope is there for Hanamaki?

 

 Just then there’s a knock on the door. Sadly, Oikawa is the one to open them and Hanamaki regrets it immediately.

 

“Hey, I just wanted to drop this here,” Mattsun says, small smile playing on his lips. The lips that Hanamaki _maybe_ kissed. Who knows? Hanamaki doesn’t.

 

Oikawa turns back into the room with a smirk glued on his face. “Makki, look who’s here!”

 

Hanamaki sighs and gets up from the sofa, Iwaizumi’s bed, and goes to the door, elbowing Oikawa in the ribs during the process. The man yelps and returns to his previous seat. Hanamaki doesn’t have to see to know he and Sugawara are watching him and Mattsun.

 

“Hey,” Hanamaki starts as casually as he can and gently pushes Mattsun away from the door so he can slam them closed behind the two of them and escape Oikawa’s observing. “Sorry about him.”

 

“No problem,” the black-haired man smiles again and Hanamaki can’t take it.

 

He looks down only to realise that his palm is still against Mattsun’s chest, _Mattsun’s warm and toned chest._ He quickly jerks his hand away.

 

“So, what is it?”

 

Mattsun passes him something soft. After an exploration, Hanamaki finds out it’s a sweater, red one, too small and in weird shape to be for human.

 

“For Pancake?”

“Yeah, I thought it would be good to keep him warm. So I knitted it in free time.”

“You knitted it?”

 

Hanamaki looks up and god, he’s _so glad_ he did, because Mattsun is blushing and grinning sheepishly and it’s the best thing ever. Is this a sign? Or he’s simply embarrassed because of his odd hobby? Hanamaki wonders.

 

“I did.”

“Thank you. I mean, I’m sure Pancake will love it,” Hanamaki shutters.

“That’s all, so, I’ll be going. See you,” Mattsun says and he’s gone in instant.

 

Hanamaki stands there for another minute before he’s prepared to come back and face the devils.

 

 

**

 

By the time Iwaizumi returns to the room, it’s a complete mess. Oikawa, Sugawara and Hanamaki are all shouting over each other, one louder than the other. Oikawa insists they should continue with the research, Sugawara disagrees and thinks that it will bring nothing new and they should go and ask Mattsun. Hanamaki regrets telling the two of them.

 

“Enough!” Iwaizumi calls and the room is filled with deathly hush in instant. Pancake comes to welcome Iwaizumi, who pet him before he turns to Oikawa.

 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispers and shifts to sit on the edge of Iwaizumi’s bed.

 

The man lets out a deep breath before he leans down to kiss the top of Oikawa’s head. “What’s going on here?”

“We need your help, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa cries out and wraps his arms around Iwaizumi’s waist.

 

What a baby, Hanamaki thinks.

 

He rolls his eyes and Sugawara changes his seat, slumping on Hanamaki’s mattress instead. The silver-haired man mumbles something under his breath, but Hanamaki is too tired to ask him to repeat. Iwaizumi is consecrated in that day’s events once more and he is not pleased at all to deal with this. Hanamaki can’t blame him.

 

Someone knocks on the door and Hanamaki jumps out of the bed, remembering that Akaashi is supposed to come around.

 

He is relieved when he indeed sees the lean figure of the first year.

 

“So?” Hanamaki blurts out.

“I’m afraid I cannot help you.”

“What? But you always know everything!”

“The thing is, Hanamaki-san, I don’t stalk people. All the information I have is what they posted or was posted about them. And sadly, there’s nothing about Matsukawa-san’s sexuality. If it calms you down a little, it means that there is no evidence he dates only girls either.”

 

Hanamaki sighs and leans his back against the wall. “I thought you could dig something out.”

“Like I said, I only give people what they're too lazy to find on their own. But I can tell you all of your

crush's social media.”

 

Hanamaki’s eyes shoot to Akaashi. “My what?!”

 

The younger man remains as calm as ever.

 

“He’s your crush, isn’t he? Oikawa-san said it on his blog.”

“Oikawa has a blog?”

“Yes, quite popular one. Do you want the address?”

 

Hanamaki sighs but nods nevertheless. He might need it one day, who knows. “Okay, I guess it all makes sense now that I’m thinking about it. But wait a second, are you telling me that Kuroo posted all of those photos?”

 

“More or less. Some were posted by his family or friends.”

“Oh man, that makes it much worse _and_ funnier.”

“Well, Kuroo-san is quite,” Akaashi pauses and lets out something that could be called a hiss, “A special person.”

 

A loud noise echoes through the empty hall and soon there is another man beside Akaashi, clinging to him while the first year stays still. His expression softens a tiny bit, however.

 

“Akaashi, what are you doing here? Hey, the guy who works with Kuroo!”

“I’m working as well right now, Bokuto-san. Is it important?”

“Yes! Me and Kuroo are having a sleepover, will you come? Will you?”

 

 

Hanamaki watches something in Akaashi’s eyes twitch before he nods and Bokuto runs off again. Then it clicks in Hanamaki’s brain. The reason Akaashi gave him all the embarrassing photos of Kuroo out of nowhere is because ..

 

 

“You don’t like Kuroo, do you?” Hanamaki smirks, recovering from his previous disappointment.

 

For the first time, he sees real emotion - jealousy maybe - on Akaashi’s face as he avoids Hanamaki’s gaze. “He is Bokuto-san’s friend.”

 

Hanamaki lets it be as Akaashi writes the address to Oikawa’s blog, but right before the first year leaves, he turns around and says: “Bokuto has only eyes for you. He always talks about you when he comes around.”

 

Akaashi’s pale cheeks turn slightly pink and he bows to Hanamaki, rushing away.

 

 

 

 

Hanamaki spends hours reading Oikawa’s posts and not solving anything that night. At least Pancake keeps him company and warms up his feet. He wonders if he’s ever seen more people blush during the same day.


	4. Chapter 4

Hanamaki doesn’t like admitting things.

 

He didn’t want to admit he’s cut his cousin’s hair when he was eight years old – in his defence, his cousin came home with a confession letter the next day, so Hanamaki _helped_ him. The letter consisted of many poorly drawn hearts and no one was able to read the actual message (the girl who ‘wrote’ it was only five, after all), but it was success. At least in Hanamaki’s eyes.

 

It took one whole week until Hanamaki came clean. His mother scolded him, of course, so as revenge, he cut his own hair as well and swore he would never grow his hair long. And Hanamaki is a man of his word, except now his wallet refuses to allow him to go to the barber and he might have to break his promise. However, that’s a problem of his future self.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t like admitting things. It’s not that he has problem with other people being right. He simply hates admitting something after he’s denied it earlier.

 

Iwaizumi gazes at him with the usual worried look in his eyes, and Hanamaki cannot bring himself to face his friend when he’s like that.

 

“Makki, I’m not trying to scold you, I’m just-“

“Just saying that I’m dumb for not listening and going out with my ex. I know, I get it.”

“I am worried, Makki. I know you enough to know just how you described it to Oikawa and Sugawara. And believe me; I won’t fall for that version of the story.”

 

Hanamaki curls up in his bed and pulls the cover up to his chin, still refusing to look at Iwaizumi.

 

“Why did you agree in the first place?”

 

The words die in Hanamaki’s throat each time he tries to bring them out and it’s frustrating just how hoarse and shaky his voice is when he finally speaks up.

 

“You and Oikawa are always all over each other and I’m really happy for you two, _I am_ , but I get so lonely.”

 

The other man takes his time before he replies, soft tone filling the room. “I’m sorry. We will keep it down starting today.”

“No, Iwaizumi, that’s not it. It’s not your fault.”

 

 

Hanamaki spends most of the day in the safety of his warm sheets, thinking about his previous relationship. There was a reason they broke up, of course. Hanamaki himself doesn’t understand why he couldn’t see clearly before.

 

The relationship had drained him, that’s why he sang his swan song and left. He grew out of his thing for bad guys.

 

**

 

Hanamaki really hates admitting things.

 

That’s why he refuses to admit that Pancake is chewing Oikawa’s shoe, even though he clearly _is_.

 

“Makki, I can literally see him! That’s my shoe!”

“It’s not.”

“It is!”

“It’s not.”

“IT IS!”

 

Hanamaki sticks his tongue out and picks up the puppy, pulling the shoe of his mouth. “It is a shoe, that’s true-“

 

“Makki, I have the other one on my foot right now!”

 

The door is kicked open before Hanamaki can answer and Iwaizumi stands there, catching his breath.

 

“We have a problem. They are controlling the rooms.”

Hanamaki throws the shoe at Oikawa and squeezes Pancake in his arms. “What? Why?”

“Apparently, some people had drugs here, so they’re controlling all rooms. Right now.”

 

Oikawa puts on his other shoe, face scrunched up with disgust as he wipes away any saliva left on it.

“How do you know that?”

“Akaashi and Bokuto are warning people.”

 

Hanamaki panics. If Pancake is found, he will be kicked out without any excuses. If he’s kicked out, he has nowhere to live. It’s as easy as that. He really should have thought it through before taking Pancake in, he realises, but .. It’s too late to cry over spilled milk now.

 

The blood in Hanamaki’s veins freezes when there’s a loud knock on the door. Iwaizumi turns to him and all Hanamaki can do is nod and prepare for the worst.

 

His saviour doesn’t come in shiny armour on beautiful horse. He bangs on the door with messy hair and sleepy eyes, his t-shirt upside down under his opened coat and Hanamaki is so happy to see him he would cry.

 

 Iwaizumi lets him inside without a word and Mattsun yawns, throwing two sport bags on the floor in front of Hanamaki.

 

“Pack everything that’s his.”

 

All four of them run around the room to collect anything that could lead to dog’s presence. His food, sweater, treats and leash are thrown in one bag and Pancake is laid in the other. Hanamaki hastily puts on his jacket and looks at Mattsun, who looks back at him.

 

“Yahaba promised to hold them back for a while, but we have to hurry.”

 

Hanamaki doesn’t ask who Yahaba is. He doesn’t ask why Mattsun and some Yahaba guy, who probably doesn’t know Hanamaki, would help him. He just holds the bag with Pancake close to his side and slips out of the room, following Mattsun god knows where. The dark-haired man leads the way through small dark aisles Hanamaki doesn’t recognize at all and he can only wonder why Mattsun is aware of them.

 

“Mattsun, I-“

 

The man turns back, taking a step closer, and places his hand over Hanamaki’s curious mouth. Hanamaki almost doesn’t hear his whisper over the sound of his heart going crazy.

 

“Listen.”

 

A pair of footsteps echoes between the walls, threatening to get closer to the three of them. Mattsun pulls his hand away only to grab Hanamaki’s and he breaks into a run. Hanamaki hopelessly sprints after him until there’s cold wind hitting their cheeks and Hanamaki realises they made it outside. It’s freezing out there, but his palm burns thanks to Mattsun’s touch.

 

It’s crazy how his body reacts to such simple things.

 

“What now?” he asks breathlessly.

“I’m sorry, I gotta hurry to work, I’m already late,” Mattsun replies with a sheepish grin and lets go of Hanamaki’s hand. “I’ll see you around, yeah?”

 

Hanamaki nods and watches Mattsun until he disappears from his sight. He really did grow up from having a thing for bad guys. He would never admit it out loud.

 

**

 

“Iwa-chan, I texted you like an hour ago!” Oikawa cries out when Iwaizumi finally enters the room, looking clearly uninterested. “I told you it was important!”

 

Iwaizumi drops his bag on the floor and takes off his jacket. “Last time you texted me to hurry up because it’s important, you just lost your hairbrush.”

“And it was important! I’ve never found it!”

 

Hanamaki now feels a little guilty, not for calling his friends to meet up as soon as possible, but because the mentioned hairbrush lies on the bottom of his closet under pile of clothes. In his defence, he just never got the right opportunity to return it.

 

“Okay, what’s so important now?”

“I don’t know, Makki said he had something to discuss.”

 

They both turn to face Hanamaki, who nervously sits on his bed, Pancake lying right beside him.

 

“Okay, so .. Pets are banned here and Pancake is apparently going to be quite a big dog.”

 

Iwaizumi frowns and takes a seat next to Oikawa. “Yeah, but we managed today. Where are you going with this?”

 

Hanamaki’s throat is so dry it feels like he hasn’t drank in ages.

 

“I won’t be able to sneak him around like this for much longer. So, I was thinking, we could move out, the three of us together.”

“You have the dog only for few days now, you can just give him to someone,” Oikawa comments.

 

Hanamaki looks at the puppy, his chest aching, and scowls. “No way I’m doing that. He’s a teammate now, no backing up.”

 

A heavy silence falls upon them, which does not help with Hanamaki’s anxiety in the slightest. It is sudden and quick, he knows. But only the thought of giving up on the dog makes his stomach turn upside down and the last thing he wants is to be another person to betray the poor thing.

 

Oikawa looks between Hanamaki and Iwaizumi, waiting for one of them to speak up first.

 

The air is thick with tension now. Iwaizumi breaks the silence first, just like many other times.

 

“Makki, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I can do that. I barely have time to study to at least pass thanks to volleyball. I know I wouldn’t handle school, volleyball _and_ job. And without the job .. I can’t afford to move out.”

 

Hanamaki nods, not even waiting to hear what Oikawa has to say. He already _knows_. He covers Pancake with his duvet and gets up, hurriedly unplugging his phone from the charger.

 

“Makki, you are .. You are my best friend, but-“

“But you won’t go anywhere without Iwaizumi. I get it, it’s okay.”

 

The other man opens his mouth to say something but when Iwaizumi shakes head and pats his knee, he stays quiet. Oikawa looks like he will begin to cry any second now and Hanamaki honestly feels like it as well, so he leaves the room before his friends can see him in such state.

 

He wanders around the campus, staring at the hole in his sneaker, and wonders just what exactly is the feeling tugging at his heart. He isn’t mad, he can’t be mad at his friends, who have done nothing wrong. If anything, they have to put up with Hanamaki’s haste decision to adopt a dog, even though it means only trouble. Oikawa with Iwaizumi would get into trouble as well if Pancake was found today, which is the heavier burden on Hanamaki’s shoulder right now.

 

And yet, he refuses to admit he’s made a mistake. What a stubborn dumbass he is.

 

Hanamaki returns to the room when Oikawa and Iwaizumi are already asleep and sneaks out before they wake up. It is strange to avoid them – Hanamaki would have never thought such day could possibly come.

 

They know each other since the first day of school.

 

Hanamaki decided to live in the dorm when there were only few days of holiday left, and while everyone was already long assigned for their rooms, Iwaizumi and Oikawa decided to let Hanamaki, a complete stranger, invade their privacy and live with them. Oikawa was wary around him at first, questioning him any time he could, however Hanamaki honestly didn’t mind – it was clear Oikawa has been through some shit Hanamaki had no idea about. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, talked to him like they’ve known each other for ages. It didn’t matter if it was about previous schools, family, movies or games; Iwaizumi has always been honest and supportive.

 

Oikawa opened up to him only after Hanamaki accidentally came out on one particularly crazy party. They laughed at it for hours and the next day Hanamaki was no longer a roommate, but a _friend_.

 

The three of them have been through a lot since then. The scary things is, Hanamaki slowly forgets many of them.

 

He barely remembers what Oikawa said year ago that made both him and Iwaizumi laugh so hard until they cried. He is sure it was a joke related to aliens, but he wouldn’t be able to repeat it in a thousand years. His memory is blurred when he recalls Iwaizumi rambling about Oikawa when he was drunk few months earlier. It was something pretty touching, considering Iwaizumi’s state, but if Hanamaki wanted to tell Oikawa about it, he couldn’t.

 

 

He doesn’t know if Iwaizumi and Oikawa started dating before or after Christmas anymore. He used to know the exact date.

 

 

It is scary to be forgetting.

 

But the scariest thing is being aware he won’t remember the way Oikawa’s hair looked funny this morning, or the sound of Iwaizumi’s snoring waking Pancake up. He will probably forget more of the conversations between them and his mind will be filled with shallow, incomplete memories. The empty spaces will be taken over by other remembrances, surely, however Hanamaki wants to keep it all.

 

Maybe that’s why is so scared to move on and live on his own, without his friends. Because if they part here, they will make new memories, _separately_. Hanamaki hates to admit it, but he isn’t ready for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so demotivated to continue this, I just want to curl up and cry :D


	5. Chapter 5

“Hanamaki.”

 

It sounds weird. Iwaizumi never calls him by his full name, not since the first week of their friendship. Hanamaki knows what words sit on his friend’s tongue; he knows what Iwaizumi wants to say.

 

He doesn’t want to hear it though.

 

He wishes this was simple. He wishes he could turn around and laugh it off, pat Iwaizumi’s shoulder and tell him it’s not a big deal. He wishes it was easy, to face his friend without the urge to run away and cry. And it’s funny, really, because Hanamaki doesn’t even remember the last time he’s cried. But then again, he doesn’t remember many things.

 

He doesn’t want to hear _it_.

 

Hanamaki understands. He understands how heavy Iwaizumi’s burden is. He knows that he returns to the dorm exhausted every single day, Hanamaki sees those bruised hands and little tired smiles he gives Oikawa to assure him he’s fine. He knows that Iwaizumi sneaks out of Oikawa’s bed the minute his boyfriend is asleep and goes back to his studies, locked away on the toilet so the light doesn’t disturb the sleep of his friends.

 

Iwaizumi doesn’t do this only for himself, but for Oikawa as well. He continues with volleyball _for him_ , continues endless training _for him_.

 

At first, Hanamaki _didn’t_ understand it. He didn’t understand _why_. However, then Iwaizumi told him that Oikawa’s eyes shine like they used to when he watches Iwaizumi play, that they have the same desire and love for the sport that ruined him. And while Oikawa cannot play anymore, the scar on his knee his eternal reminder, Iwaizumi gives it his all just so Oikawa can be proud. He _is_ proud.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t want to hear his friend apologize. He _understands_.

 

“Makki, I am sorry.”

 

There it is. The worst thing is, the look in Iwaizumi’s eyes is so honest.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t trust himself to speak up and somehow, Iwaizumi _understands,_ and pulls him into a hug Hanamaki seriously needs now.

 

He doesn’t care about the people walking around them, he couldn’t care less that it’s not consider ‘appropriate’ when two men hug without the ‘manly’ slapping on the back until they cough and pulling away after literally three seconds. What bullshit is that, really? People can suck it, and if anyone dares to say a word, Hanamaki will _gladly_ shout just how great his friend is and that he doesn’t give a fuck.

 

 

It gets a bit easier after that.

 

 

 

“Makki! I’m sorry I’m such a bad friend!” Oikawa cries the minute he steps into their room.

 

Hanamaki is taken over by guilt, because Oikawa is, in fact, amazing friend, no matter what people tell you.

 

“I know it’s a shitty reason, I’m so sorry,” he continues until Iwaizumi behind Hanamaki shakes head.

“It’s not a shitty reason. I totally get it and it’s okay, really.”

 

Oikawa throws himself at Hanamaki and wraps his arms around his torso, squeezing Hanamaki against himself. Nothing else needs to be said, and soon they’re back into their routine like nothing has happened at all.

 

Oikawa tells them the latest gossip about Sugawara and Sawamura before Iwaizumi leaves for the practice and the two of them (plus Pancake) watch a movie. Oikawa comments every character and plot in the story and Hanamaki freely says all the sassy remarks that come to his mind.

 

 And it _is_ okay, really.

 

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki sighs and steps back. The notice-board is almost empty and Hanamaki’s poster _does_ stand out, especially when it’s sitting in the middle of it. He asked Iwaizumi to write it, because against public belief that Oikawa’s handwriting must be beautiful, he writes like a pig with a broken arm, and Hanamaki can’t read what he himself wrote two days ago. Iwaizumi’s handwriting is neat and pleasant to look at, so it was a clear choice.

 

Hanamaki reads the words again, just in case there’s some mistake, but he finds nothing. He leaves before he can change his mind (again) and heads to the classroom, letting the huge poster about looking for a roommate do its thing.

 

 

**

 

This time, it’s not Hanamaki looking for Akaashi, but Akaashi inviting him to meet up. They sit in the campus cafeteria, far in the corner.

 

“Soooo?” Hanamaki tries after good five minutes of silence.

“Oh.”

 

Akaashi looks like he’s just woken up, his hair is a mess and Hanamaki is now sure he’s been spacing out. The first year pulls out two envelopes from his bag and slides them across the table towards Hanamaki.

 

If two of them just sitting there staring at each other wasn’t already suspicious, this surely is.

 

When Hanamaki opens the first envelope, he is pleasantly surprised to find more embarrassing photos of Kuroo. It looks like he was 13 when they were taken, going through his emo phase. Hanamaki _loves_ them.

 

When he goes to tear open the other one, Akaashi’s cold hand over his own stops him.

 

“Not here.”

 

This is more than suspicious.

 

“Erm, I haven’t asked for more, but thank you.”

“I will be straightforward, Hanamaki-san. I did everything I possibly could, hoping I could get something from you in exchange this time. I even crossed some lines and pulled some strings, but let’s push that aside now. You will find out later, after all.”

 

Hanamaki’s face turns into a scowl. What could possibly Akaashi want from him? And what the hell is in the second envelope?

 

“Okay. What are we talking about here?”

 

Akaashi lets out a tired sigh and drops his polite tone.

 

“ _Don’t laugh_. Bokuto-san is helping me with work sometimes, he’s actually really observant. Long story short, he found out about Pancake. He is a big animal lover, and that said, I’ve been told to befriend you so he can come to meet the puppy sometime. It is ridiculous, I know, however, I couldn’t say no to him. To wrap this up, I hope you’ll accept my offer and allow my childish boyfriend to pet the puppy before he drives me insane because of it. I haven’t slept for two days now.”

 

Hanamaki _does_ laugh.

 

“But Bokuto knows me already; he could just talk to me. He comes to the shop like every day.”

“I am aware. Don’t ask me to explain his ideas, I don’t know myself.”

 

Hanamaki continues chuckling, even though he feels a tiny bit bad when he sees the troubled expression Akaashi is making in front of him.

 

“Okay, but how did you two find out that I have Pancake?”

 

Akaashi folds his arms on the table and gazes at Hanamaki. “I have my people,” he says like it’s completely normal to ‘have people’. What exactly they do, Hanamaki only wonders.

 

“Right. Can I ask something?”

“Go ahead.”

“If only few people on the campus know your identity, I mean, know that _you_ are the dealer, how do the people who don’t know get to you?”

“Like I said, Hanamaki-san. I have my people. To be more specific, one in each year. They are what you would call _intermediaries_.”

“Is it Bokuto one?”

“No.”

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki cannot help but grin the whole time he’s in work. To be honest, he’s just waiting for an opportunity, waiting until Kuroo starts with his teasing so he can pull out his new treasure. Sadly, his co-worker is rather calm that day and Hanamaki goes back to the campus with the photos untouched.

 

To cheer himself up a bit, he shows them to Oikawa, who doesn’t like Kuroo at all. Apparently, he was ‘ _making an eye at Iwa-chan during a practice match’_. When Hanamaki questioned the eye part in the statement, Oikawa replied with ‘His hair covers his one eye, duh’. Hanamaki is sure that Kuroo was in fact not _making an eye_ at Iwaizumi, but giving him a sign of their next attack, however Oikawa refuses to accept that.

 

Hanamaki lets it be – there’s no point in fighting with Oikawa when it comes to Iwaizumi, he knows the best out of anyone.

 

 

**

 

 

It takes a whole week before Bokuto finally comes to knock on the door of Iwaizumi’s, Oikawa’s and Hanamaki’s room.

 

The thing is, he isn’t alone. There’s also another five guys Hanamaki has seen around but doesn’t know standing behind Bokuto. Bokuto introduces them as Middle blocker, Smaller Middle blocker, Wing Spiker, Libero, and .. Jim. (Jim is from America and he’s been living in Japan for five years now. He plays volleyball as well, but Bokuto refuses to call him Setter because it might hurt Akaashi’s feelings . The more you know..)

 

Pancake doesn’t mind the new visitors at all, he happily allows them to pet him and call him cute. (Pancake is kind of an attention whore, Hanamaki realises.)

 

Hanamaki sits beside Bokuto on the floor, watching with amusement how all these buff dudes are basically squealing when Pancake attempts to bark at them. It really _is_ adorable, Hanamaki must admit. He wonders if Pancake ever learns to do it properly, but then again, right now it’s for the best if he does not.

 

“So, thank you, and” Bokuto says and smiles sheepishly, “Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone about it.”

 

Hanamaki isn’t exactly sure if he can trust this promise after Bokuto has brought five guys with him, however, he decides that the students here aren’t the ones to report what’s going on around the campus.

 

 “Alright. Feel free to visit when you like.”

“Thank you! Also!” Bokuto grins and reaches into the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out a single white envelope. “This is from Akaashi. He went to take a nap so he told me to give it to you.”

 

 

 

Hanamaki stares at the two unopened envelopes. He is almost scared to know what’s inside, if he’s being honest. It could contain embarrassing pictures of _him_ , Akaashi’s way to tell him that he has dirt on Hanamaki as well so _he better let Bokuto pet the damn dog when he wants to_. Hanamaki isn’t sure if Akaashi would do such thing, but people do crazy things for their beloved ones (Iwaizumi Hajime is the living proof of it).

 

Hanamaki’s phone rings and he sighs, reaching out towards Oikawa, who has the phone in his hands. The man pouts, protesting that he hasn’t finished the level yet.

 

“Just download the game on your own phone, damn it.”

“But I don’t have enough space for it!”

“Then delete something!”

“No! I will read it for you, okay? It’s an email so it’s not personal.”

 

Hanamaki wants to fight back, but his friend is right this time. He only gets stupid notifications or emails, no one ever texts him (minus Iwaizumi when he’s shopping). He pushes the envelopes in the drawer and nods. “Fine.”

 

Oikawa clears his throat and begins reading. Or, rather, summarize the email.

 

“Blah blah blah, a name, .. Oh! It’s a reply to your poster!”

“Just read it!”

“I like long walks on the beach and naps, dislike people who tell me not to point out every dog I see. In my free time, I screenshot ugly selfies of my friends, play otome games and wonder if my aloe is still alive. I am a morning shower person, dog person, cereals before milk person.”

 

Silence. And then.

 

“What kind of jerk wrote this? Who screenshots ugly selfies ?!”

 

Hanamaki shrugs and laughs. “I and Iwaizumi do, for example. Either way, I have a feeling I want to meet with this guy.”

 

 

**

 

There’s one important thing that Oikawa kindly decided to skip – the name of the sender is no other than Matsukawa Issei, second year.

 

Hanamaki realises that only once he’s sitting in the cafeteria, checking the time they agreed to meet and briefly reads the email again. The name is right there, black on white, under the paragraph that made Hanamaki laugh (and also relieved because their ‘kind-of-person’ match).

 

Mattsun arrives just few minutes after Hanamaki does, meaning both of them are awkwardly early – whole fifteen minutes early. He walks straight towards the table where Hanamaki sits, no looking around, no searching. So, unlike _someone_ , Mattsun has known who he is meeting.

 

“Turns out that my aloe _is_ dead,” he says as he slumps down into a seat across Hanamaki’s, “It was dead all along, actually. Just this morning I found out it’s fake – and _I’ve been taking care of it_!”

 

Hanamaki laughs, his previous nervousness slowly leaving his body. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

Mattsun smiles and takes off his coat. How does one look good in winter clothing? Hanamaki has never understood.

 

“Do they call you Hahamaki when you laugh?”

 

That’s where Hanamaki loses it and starts laughing so hard he is soon just a snoring mess slapping his thigh. Mattsun laughs as well, little chuckles escaping his lips, and it’s adorable.

 

They get down to the business about half an hour later. Apparently, Mattsun is sick of being kicked out of his own room because his roommate has his boyfriend around. It makes sense, and Hanamaki silently praises Oikawa and Iwaizumi for not doing that to him a single time. The other man has a job, _obviously_ , that’s how they met after all, and is willing to live in small flat, nothing luxury or expensive. So, in the end, it’s decided that starting next week, they will look for new living together.

 

 

Hanamaki feels a little better about moving out, even though his chest still aches a bit whenever he imagines it. But Mattsun is right there, and he’s funny and nice and everything Hanamaki could possibly want from his roommate. Maybe, Hanamaki is ready to make new memories – it’s not like he and Oikawa and Iwaizumi won’t be friends anymore.

 

No, they still will have their bond and inside jokes and ties that hold them together.

 

 

 

“So, what do you say about we get out of here and go to the town?” Mattsun asks, small smile playing on his lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finallyyyyyyyy got to the point of this whole thing, writing slow burn is so hard for me :D


	6. Chapter 6

Hanamaki is a sport person.

 

Ever since he was able to run without falling right on his face (so we’re talking about the third year of his life), he’s been playing a football with his cousins. They had never let him win and the first time he celebrated a victory was only two years ago, but nobody cares about that.

 

He learned how to ride a bike when he was four. His mother isn’t one of these to spoil their kids, so it ended up with her taking the training wheels off his bike and pushing him down a hill. (His mother says that he’s overreacting whenever he brings it up - apparently the hill wasn’t _that_ steep and he _did learn_ how to ride a bike, so where’s the problem.  ‘What if your kid _died_?’ ‘Well, you did _not_.’ Hanamaki still isn’t having it.)

 

His journey of learning how to swim was much less painful, because his father took care of it. He turns it against Hanamaki’s mother when they argue who is better parent, and in all honesty, it’s hilarious to watch.

 

So yeah, Hanamaki is a sport person. He likes sports, especially team sports and especially volleyball.

 

What he does _not like_ is ice skating. Ice skating can suck it.

 

Sure, Hanamaki used to have crush on one ice skater who represented Japan, but..

 

Why did he agree to go in the first place? Well, it’s not like he could have said no - Hanamaki blames Mattsun’s smile. The only adjective that comes to his mind to describe it is dazzling, which offends Hanamaki’s otherwise advanced vocabulary. What is worse, however, is that the things it does to him are quite indescribable. Hanamaki’s hands get sweaty under his gloves and he can barely look at Mattsun without feeling this odd warmth in his chest.

 

It’s not like he could say no when Mattsun grabs his sleeve and tugs on it, pointing at the huge sing with a hint of ardour in his eyes. So he nods and let himself to be dragged behind, laughing breathlessly.

 

 

It takes him only ten minutes until he first want to dig his own grave.

 

Hanamaki has never actually attended such _event_ , how he likes to call it, so Mattsun takes care of everything while Hanamaki awkwardly waits for him. It’s awkward because the two girls over there keep looking over him and he cannot figure out just what they’re thinking.

 

 Inexperience goes hand in hand with embarrassment, and it’s not a big surprise when Hanamaki fights with putting the skates on. This was not a good idea, he thinks as he tries to tie the thing right.

 

“Need help?” Mattsun asks.

“No,” Hanamaki mutters and shifts on the bench so Mattsun doesn’t see his struggles.

 

The dark-haired man isn’t having it though and he roses from his seat and kneels before Hanamaki, slapping his clumsy hands away. Hanamaki can feel the blush slowly appearing on his face and even his ears get warm. Damn his pale skin. Thank god, Mattsun’s fingers work faster and better than Hanamaki’s, and soon the torture is over. Or, at least Hanamaki thinks so.

 

If putting the skates on was hard for him, actual skating is a whole new level. But being the stubborn dumbass he is, he refuses to admit he’s never been skating when Mattsun asks.

 

“It’s just been a long time since, you know..”

 

Mattsun nods and shoots him a smile. Another absolutely dazzling smile, if Hanamaki might say so. Before Hanamaki registers it, Mattsun is ahead of him, giving him the opportunity to truly appreciate his perfect form, recognizable even under Mattsun’s typical sweater and coat.

 

Maybe that’s how Hanamaki ends up on his bum, the cold ice causing a stinging pain run through his body. Mattsun appears above him in no time, chuckling as he looks down at the mess Hanamaki currently is.

 

“I can’t leave you on your own, can I?”

 

Second round of embarrassment and blushing comes to greet Hanamaki. He ashamedly reaches out to grab the hand offered to him and Mattsun pulls him back to his feet. If only it was that easy, because Hanamaki loses his balance again the second Mattsun lets go of him, trips over once more, and falls back on his already wounded bottom. _Great_. The other man breaks out in full laughter, tears gathering in the corner of his eyes, and Hanamaki wants to die.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Mattsun says between his chuckles, “Here, I won’t let go until you’re ready.”

 

Hanamaki pouts, but allows Mattsun to help him up.

 

“You’re okay?” he asks, his hand still holding Hanamaki’s and the other one wiping his eyes.

“Yeah,” Hanamaki mumbles.

“Right, so I take it you’ve never been skating?”

“No..”

“Why didn’t you just say so?”

“You know, the man’s pride and stuff.”

 

Mattsun chuckles and shakes head. “Typical. Alright, just try to mimic what I do.”

 

Before Hanamaki can ask how he’s supposed to do that, his free hand is no longer free, but sits in Mattsun’s, who faces Hanamaki. His whole face is on fire by now, so he just ducks his head down and watches Mattsun’s feet. When he attempts to do the same thing, it somehow doesn’t work like it should and Mattsun laughs again, then he uses his grip to pull Hanamaki closer to him. So close that their chests bump against each other and Hanamaki is almost afraid to look up.

 

In two swift moves, Mattsun distances himself again, much to Hanamaki’s relief.

 

“You go forward, silly. I only skate backwards so I can help you before you actually hurt yourself.”

 

Oh.

 

 _OH_.

 

_Ooooohhh._

Of course. That makes sense. Why is Hanamaki so easily distracted around Mattsun?

 

“Okay,” he nods quickly.

 

In order to show Mattsun he is not in fact a complete idiot, he mimics his moments _again_ (the right way this time) only to end up pressed against Mattsun _again_ , and _yeah_ , _you guessed it_ , looking like a complete idiot. The other man snickers and Hanamaki seriously wonders how it would feel like to have an ice coffin. At least he would be cooler that he is right now, no pun intended.

 

“You get it, good. So we can try it now?”

 

Hanamaki is too embarrassed to speak so he just nods once more, keeping his gaze on his feet. It goes better, obviously, and Hanamaki thinks he might be able to overcome his embarrassment, but then Mattsun speaks.

 

“Look up, you won’t get much better if you keep watching your feet.”

 

And boy, looking up was a _bad idea._ Mattsun is smiling at him and his cheeks are pink due to the cold weather (amazing, Hanamaki can blame his blood red face on the weather) and the new view Hanamaki gets helps nothing. Definitely not his poor little pan heart. He needs a conversation, really.

 

“So, Pancake likes the sweater you gave him.”

 

Mattsun grins. “I’m glad. I heard that he had visitors from the volleyball team.”

 

“You wouldn’t believe. It was supposed to be only Bokuto, but he brought his friends too. And they were all like kids. Pancake tried to bark when they were playing with him, but with no luck. Is there something wrong with that?”

 

The man holding his hands, **_holding his hands_** , shrugs. “I don’t know. Like, my aunt had this tiny dog, I don’t know what breed it was, but he was only .. I don’t know how to describe it, it wasn’t barking, more like .. Whining?”

 

Hanamaki laughs and nods. “Pancake sounded like a dying whale.”

“That’s exactly it! But on more serious note, save the whales.”

“Save the whales.”

“Either way, you can always come to have him checked out. My mom will do it for free.”

“Your mom? That was your mom, the lady on the clinic?”

“Yeah. I sometime help her out and other times I help my dad, who is a barber.”

 

“Interesting .. I might use you one day,” Hanamaki thinks out loud. When he realises it, he hurriedly adds: “To get a haircut, I mean!”

 

Mattsun laughs, probably at him. “Sure thing.”

 

They skate for another good half an hour before Mattsun decides it will be for the best to take a break. Hanamaki must agree.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” Mattsun asks and pats Hanamaki’s bare head.

“Aren’t _you_ cold?” Hanamaki shoots back and points at Mattsun’s hands.

“Good point. Quick change?”

“Yeah.”

 

For some reason, Hanamaki doesn’t find it strange when Mattsun takes off his beanie and places it on Hanamaki’s head while Hanamaki gives the man his gloves. The thing is, Mattsun isn’t strange about it – he acts like they’ve done it million times before, like it’s completely normal between them. And part of Hanamaki hopes it _will_ be. He cannot lie – it’s nice.

 

Hanamaki has been told that Mattsun isn’t exactly talkative, however Mattsun doesn’t seem uncomfortable while they talk; he shares little stories from his life and what he’s heard and jokes around. Hanamaki has also been told that Mattsun has only two facial expressions, but that doesn’t seem to be true either, because Mattsun laughs and grins and smirks and frowns, and it’s beautiful to watch his expressions changing.

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, okay? This Yahaba guy is your roommate.”

“Yes.”

“The one that almost killed me when I was looking for you, but then agreed to help when they were controlling the rooms.”

“Yes.”

“What the hell.”

“The thing is, you’ve disturbed him that night. He was like super frustrated so you can’t really blame him. He and his boyfriend are .. Interesting couple. They usually are mean to each other in front of other people, but really, they’re are both huge saps.”

 

Hanamaki chuckles and nods. “I owe both of you.”

 

Mattsun gazes at him through his lashes as he thinks for a few seconds, before he simply says: “You can accompany me for a dinner sometime.”

 

**

 

Hanamaki doesn’t expect the ‘sometime’ to happen that night. But to be honest here, he hasn’t had this much fun with anyone except Oikawa and Iwaizumi for ages, so he’s definitely not complaining when after the shaking, they head to the nearest fast food. It’s not a fancy dinner and it’s not exactly private either, however Mattsun seems more than happy with his huge fries and that’s all that matters now.

 

Hours pass by and they already have their second round of fries. The place gets slowly emptier, until it’s one am and Hanamaki realises that he, in fact, only told his friends he would be away for a while. ‘A while’ has expired six hours ago. He and Mattsun have talked about everything and nothing and yet, the topics seem to never run out, the words naturally slipping past his lips.

 

“They’re gonna be so mad,” he groans and buries his head in his arms.

“Makki, time isn’t real anyway.”

 

 

**

 

Time is _very_ real when Hanamaki returns to the dorm. Oikawa’s glare is so piercing Hanamaki can almost feel it stabbing him and Iwaizumi shakes head in disapproval, which might be even worse.

 

“We took Pancake out, if you’re wondering.”

 

Hanamaki mentally slaps himself and slumps down on his bed, still fully clothed. “I’m sorry, really guys.”

 

“You could have called that you will come back late.”

“I know,” Hanamaki replies guiltily and sits up, taking off his coat and shoes, “I forgot.”

 

Oikawa sits up on his mattress, the duvet falling down to his lap and revealing his disgustingly cute pyjama. (It was a gift from Iwaizumi, Hanamaki knows. _He remember that_.) “Sooo, what kept you so busy?”

 

Hanamaki turns to him, his cheeks warming up. “Well, we went out..”

“Come on, Makki, tell us.”

 

Hanamaki hesitates for a second, but he knows that Oikawa will bother him until he tells him, so he gives up straight away. Iwaizumi listens carefully as well, taking a break from his book.

“That was a date!”

“It wasn’t a date.”

 

A date .. Just now the idea occupies Hanamaki’s mind and the more he thinks about it, the more confused he gets. True, it could be considered as a date, they held hands and exchanged clothes and went to have a dinner. But then again, the hand holding wouldn’t have happened if Hanamaki knew how to skate, it was cold, and the dinner was in fast food. And, it all happened after their meeting to discuss their moving out. He briefly registers Oikawa and Iwaizumi low-key fighting, but he’s suddenly too tired to stop them, so he just lies down and tries to push the imagine of Mattsun away.

 

It doesn’t help and instead, the good old question pops in Hanamaki’s head again – did he and Mattsun kiss the other night?

 

Hanamaki groans and presses his pillow against his face. The bickering between his friends slowly quiets down; however Hanamaki doesn’t know who’s won. He can hear the soft padding of four paws before the sheets rustle, and there is new warmth beside him, fluffy fur tickling his arm.

 

“Pancake, this is your fault,” he mumbles into the pillow.

 

“Don’t blame the poor puppy,” Iwaizumi chuckles and throws his own pillow on Hanamaki.

 

Hanamaki returns the gesture, twice, and turns to lie on his side to spoon the puppy curled against his chest. Iwaizumi throws him his pillow back before he settles on Oikawa’s bed.

 

“How did the actual meeting go?”

“Well, we agreed on like everything, so we’re gonna start looking for a flat on Monday.”

“I think there is someone on the campus that helps with such things. I’ll ask our manager, she will know.”

“Thanks man.”

“You know what, we will do a poll,” Oikawa joins in, chipper.

“About what?” Hanamaki asks, fairly confused.

“About the date thing!”

“No.”

 

The man sighs and gets up, grabbing Hanamaki’s phone from his pocket before he sits next to Iwaizumi again. “One is trying to help and _this_ is what he gets..”

 

Hanamaki pets Pancake’s tummy (ridiculously soft and fluffy tummy). “I thought you guys wanted to sleep,” he mutters.

 

“Nah,” Iwaizumi waves his hand, something he’s gotten from spending too much time with Oikawa, “Let’s have a ‘guys night’.”

 

Hanamaki has to laugh at the used term, but then he breaks into a smile. “Sure.”

 

 

**

 

“Do you think we get what we deserve?” Hanamaki asks.

 

The question stays in the air for a while, before Oikawa replies in quiet voice. “I wonder.”

 

Neither Hanamaki nor Iwaizumi miss the way his eyes fall on his knee, the scar there covered by the ridiculous bottoms.

 

“Sometimes, but not always,” Iwaizumi says thoughtfully. It is pointed towards Oikawa, everyone in the room knows that. Hanamaki agrees. Oikawa might have done bad things, but on the other hand, he has done some wonderful things too. And if you ask Hanamaki, he truly believes Oikawa did not deserve what he got for his hard work and determination.

 

 

“I think,” Oikawa starts, “I think that when you go through something bad, you gain something good as well.”

 

Hanamaki watches as their hands sneak towards each other, meeting halfway through and end up in firm grip on top of Oikawa’s duvet.

 

“That makes sense,” Hanamaki nods. “You got Iwaizumi, I got Pancake..”

“Are you comparing me to a dog?”

 

Both Hanamaki and Oikawa laugh, and no matter how much Iwaizumi tries, he cannot hide the smile tugging on his lips. It’s almost seven am now and it’s snowing outside again, which Oikawa cheerfully announced few minutes ago. He even suggested going out, but Iwaizumi said he refuses to leave the warmth of their room.

 

“Do you want to hear a poem sort of thing?”

“Oh no,” Iwaizumi sighs, but when Oikawa pouts, he agrees. “Fine, go ahead.”

 

_“Tell me, where should I go? To the left, where nothing is right? Or to the right, where nothing is left?”_

 

Oikawa’s smooth voice makes the words sound better, deeper. A silence follows, because no one actually expected anything meaningful come out of Oikawa’s mouth at this hour.

 

“That’s surprisingly deep,” Iwaizumi admits.

“I read that on one Itachi fan art,” Oikawa replies and _yeah, there it is_. “I have it saved in my phone if you wanna see.”

“What the hell.”

“This is why you don’t have enough space for the stupid game!” Hanamaki calls, through there’s really no venom in his voice.

 

The silence fills the room again, and when Hanamaki starts to believe this is the end of their night, Oikawa speaks up again, finally asking what all three of them have on their minds.

 

“Do you think we will still get to do this when Hanamaki moves out?”

 

Hanamaki chews on his bottom lip, desperately trying to come up with an answer, but Iwaizumi outruns him.

 

“Of course we will. We won’t stop being friends only because we won’t live together. Or do you think that our friendship is that hollow? If you do, I will honestly punch you. We will still see each other and hang out. We are not friends because we live together, _we live together because we are friends._ So don’t either of you dare to be down because of this. We have this planned, don’t we?”

 

“We do,” Hanamaki whispers and smiles, thinking about the plans they made when they were in their first year.

 

 

They end up going out after all, when everything around is still dark and quiet and only their laughter echoes in the empty place. Oikawa runs around and Pancake chases him, trying to bark with no success while Hanamaki and Iwaizumi have a snowball fight. They watch the sunrise, freezing, but refusing to miss it when they’re already out.

 

And when they return to their room, Hanamaki doesn’t miss the usual ‘I love you’ between his friends, but something unusual follows. They both also say the three words to Hanamaki, as casual like they do it every day, and Hanamaki falls asleep with embarrassed but happy smile on his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very important to me, because of these reasons:
> 
> 1) the 'date' (was it a date ? was it not? who knows, Hanamaki does not ) has exactly 1.6k words, which is a huge accomplishment for me  
> 2) the Oikawa/Iwaizumi/Hanamaki friendship is SO strong in this one and I cry, I will miss them  
> 3) Oikawa deserves better and I will rise anytime to fight anyone who thinks otherwise  
> 4) in my opinion, the true Iwaizumi shines in this one (you know, the loving, caring one, who treasures his friends and is not in fact agressive ?)  
> 5) I'm soon leaving for holiday, so I'm posting this sooner, because I have no idea when I will get to writing
> 
> Also, I feel like many people write Matsuhana like shitlords who only speak memes and smirk all the time and I'm like ??????????? what about we have some more fics where they are like any other ship ????????
> 
> But yeah, I will be more than glad if you tell me what you think about anything I mentioned above
> 
> (btw, the bike story is a real story how my mom taught me to ride a bike .. )


	7. Chapter 7

Hanamaki isn’t a person to keep a ‘do-to-list’. He’s been taught to keep it from his first year in school, but he always managed to lose every single one he ever had – leave it in the train, forget it on the lunch table, throw it away instead of an actual trash (that might have been on purpose, sue him). Naturally, after finding out he’s simply terrible at this task, he gave up. Sure, that led to many undone homework and house works, however he survived until now.

But today is the day, Hanamaki thinks as he grabs the blank white paper and random pen that he previously tossed into his backpack and most likely had stolen from someone, because he doesn’t remember ever buying such pen. Doesn’t matter, what’s done is done. He settles by his desk and thinks about what he actually wants has to do before he moves out.

First of all, he should make sure he finally returns the damn hairbrush before Oikawa and Iwaizumi have another fight because of it. Hanamaki doesn’t know how that is possible, but it has happened. Next he should open the envelopes lying in his drawer, still untouched.

What at first seemed like a few minutes long task takes two hours of Hanamaki’s precious time, but now the paper is filled and Hanamaki is proud of himself for actually finishing it. A true adult.

**

Joke is on him.

Adulthood sucks and Hanamaki wishes he could kindly return it like he does when he buys the wrong size of t-shirt (he always thinks he can just eye it without trying it on like Oikawa does when he’s in hurry, but it never works out). On serious note though, adulthood .. Sucks.

You suddenly are your own parent and honestly, who is ready for that? Everything is too confusing. You have to pay a rent, pay for this, pay for that,..

Taxes ????

How do these work? Did they teach Hanamaki about them? And all these papers? Hanamaki does sign them when he is asked to by the nice lady who attempts to explain it all, but does he know what at least half of it means? No.

True, he didn’t expect this to be easy - after all, it’s the big step. Finding a new home, living on his own .. But that doesn’t mean it does not make him want to crawl in bed, cuddle Pancake and never get out.

He’s been sitting like glued in this chair for almost two hours now, feeling absolutely out of place. His head is spinning a little now, every another word from the woman in front of him too overwhelming. Just when he seriously considers rushing outside to get the air his lungs seem to miss, there’s a gentle pat on his knee under the table.

“We might have forgotten to mention this, but we are looking for a place where pets are allowed.”

The woman pushes her glasses up her nose and looks at both Hanamaki and Mattsun.

“Pets?”  
“Yes. We are planning on adopting a puppy.”

She sighs and grabs more papers from her file, quickly going through them before she gazes up at them again. “Well, that may happen in future. Let’s focus on what you need now.”

Mattsun lets out a small laugh, to lighten the atmosphere maybe, and then he speaks calmly.

“We already have the puppy picked out, bought even. All we now need to take it is the flat. That’s why we asked you for your help.”

Hanamaki is amazed how confidently Mattsun speaks and mainly, how mature he sounds. If Hanamaki had tried to pass the same information, he would most likely end up saying he, in fact, already has the puppy - here, in his dorm room. Hanamaki doesn’t like to admit it, but Mattsun has once again saved Hanamaki’s skin and he mentally adds ‘repay Mattsun’ on his to-do-list.

“So, a puppy?”  
“Yes.”

 

Hanamaki is more than relived when the meeting is over and the woman gathers her things before she leaves Hanamaki and Mattsun in the now quiet campus cafeteria. It is almost lunch time, so they order some sandwiches to fill their empty stomachs before they part ways.

 

**

Another pair passes Hanamaki, however he doesn’t bother to move – there’s enough space to walk up the stairs past him. He settles his cup by his feet and rubs his eyes. The song ends and another one starts. Slower, calmer than the previous, soothing Hanamaki’s spinning head and dizzy feels.

Many people have left already, but the house is still full, still alive and cheerful. The party could be called a success; there was beer pong, arm wrestling (of course Iwaizumi has won and he now wears this weird sticker on his arm), someone threw up in a vase and apparently, there was even a fight. Hanamaki has missed it, but he has seen a guy with bloody nose just a while ago.

Hanamaki watches the couples and groups of friends swaying in the rhythm of the melody and when he least expects it, he catches a glimpse of Oikawa and Iwaizumi between them as well.

He laughs to himself, Iwaizumi’s earlier words (‘there’s no way in hell I will dance’) ringing in his ears. Iwaizumi doesn’t look that grumpy anymore, there’s a smile on his face. A little drunken one, that’s for sure, but genuine anyway, as he looks at Oikawa.

 

“What are you doing here?”

Hanamaki gazes up to see a familiar face, shooting him one brilliant grin. Mattsun sits beside him, their shoulders pressed together in order not to block the whole staircase.

“Oh, you know, watching my friends dance, being the creepy person.”

The man next to him laughs and sips his drink. “It’s amazing that they’re this open about their relationship.”

“I think that even if someone has problem with it, they wouldn’t date to say a word. They’re quite a scary power couple with Oikawa’s brain and Iwaizumi’s muscles, I’m glad I’m their friend.”

“After what I’ve heard, I have to agree. Am I on their good side?”

Hanamaki fakes some thinking, but then he chuckles and nods. “After all the things you’ve done for me without actually knowing me, yes.” He leaves out the fact that they’re both actual dorks as kids these days say and Iwaizumi hates fights more than anything.

Hanamaki isn’t sure if he’s either imagining it, it’s alcohol doing its thing or it’s true, but Mattsun’s cheeks turn the slightest pink as he brings his cup back to his lips. He mumbles something, but it misses Hanamaki’s ears and he doesn’t ask Mattsun to repeat. Maybe he should have, however right now; he’s only enjoying the sight.

Before it becomes weird, he turns his attention back to his friends. And he’s glad he’s done so, because how many times in your life do you see Oikawa spinning Iwaizumi around with no protesting from the latter? He goes to pull his phone out of his pocket when there’s a shadow falling on his face.

“May I?” A hand reaches out towards him. The familiar, perfectly soft hand.

 

Hanamaki is a terrible dancer. Mattsun isn’t much better either, but somehow, they move together and maybe, if Hanamaki didn’t drink, he would be embarrassed to be seen like this.

He barely knows where his body ends and where Mattsun’s starts, he feels the big hands on his lower back while his own curl around Mattsun’s neck. It’s nice to be this close to someone.

 

**

Hanamaki doesn’t wake up due the annoying melody of their alarm, Oikawa’s shouting or Iwaizumi pulling him out of the bed. He isn’t cold either, which is new; Pancake usually steals his duvet and leaves him revealed to the winter breeze. Instead, he’s nicely warm all over, so he doesn’t even bother to open his eyes and goes back to sleep.

When he wakes up again, most likely hours later, it’s a whole different story. The duvet is pushed off his body; however, he’s still nicely warm. That is suspicious. There is a weight on his waist and the source of the warmth is behind him. It could be Pancake, sure, if only the snow white puppy wasn’t curled by Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi’s feet. Weird..

Hanamaki isn’t someone who gets drunk often. Sure, he goes out now and then, mostly because he wants to spend some time out of their room, but he usually has only few drinks to avoid hangover and awkward situations. However, in last three weeks, this is a second time he has problems to remember what happened the previous night and how he even got to his bed. And of course, don’t forget the awkward situations he got himself into.

It takes a while for Hanamaki to recover from his sleepy daze and when he does, he wishes he did not. A naked human arm is wrapped around his waist, tightly, and it’s a pretty strong human arm, because Hanamaki cannot get it off himself no matter how much he tries.

And because Hanamaki is Hanamaki, he starts panicking.

His eyes are wide open now, quickly checking if he is dressed and much to his relief, his uncomfortable jeans are still there, and even though his t-shirt shows the tiniest of his stomach, it’s still on as well. Hanamaki gives up on trying getting out of the grip of whoever is behind him and uses the spare time to study the revealed piece of skin. It seems to be a man’s arm, which is both comforting and terrifying. He finds dark marks of ink, but from this position, it’s hard to tell what it is supposed to be and Hanamaki doesn’t want to wake the person up just yet.

A tattooed someone sleeps in his bed while spooning him. If you said that to a 15 years old Hanamaki, he wouldn’t believe you (mainly because at that time he wasn’t anywhere near to coming out) and tell you that he wasn’t that kind of person.

And Hanamaki really isn’t that kind of person.

He would normally be glad to wake up next to someone like this. Let’s face it – he’s lonely most of the time. So yeah, he would love to wake up next to someone cuddling him, if only he knew who the someone was and how he ended up in Hanamaki’s bed.

He decides to be adult about the whole situation and slowly turns his head to face his fear.

His fear is beautiful if anything. He is dressed as well. Calm expression as he breathes in and out trough parted lips, black hair falling into his forehead, a hint of stubble along his jaw. Hanamaki’s own face is only an inch away as he takes in the beauty beside him while he can.

“Mattsun,” Hanamaki sighs quietly, amazed by how easily the name slips out of his mouth.

And then second wave of panicking comes and Hanamaki is suddenly jumping out of his own bed and sprinting to the bathroom like there’s no tomorrow. Well, it definitely feels like it. He catches his breath as he stands in front of the mirror, staring at the mess that he currently is.

There are some things Hanamaki now knows and he isn’t sure if his life is better or worse after learning them:

Mattsun is a cuddler.  
Mattsun is a big spoon.  
Mattsun has a tattoo that’s usually covered by his long sleeves.

 

Hanamaki splashes cold water on his face to cool down, as much as he can with the warmth borrowed from Mattsun still lingering on his skin. He drags his feet back to the room about ten minutes later, ready to face his fear once more. Hopefully more successfully this time.

But he opens the door to find Mattsun comfortably sitting in his bed, Pancake beside him, and Hanamaki’s heart speeds up at the sight. The man smiles the second he sees Hanamaki, a lazy, sleepy smile that seriously hurt Hanamaki’s feelings.

“Morning,” Mattsun greets him when Hanamaki finally steps inside, “Sorry I took your bed.”

Hanamaki hums instead of actual respond, glancing at his friends who are now waking up as well. While he still has the chance, he glances at Mattsun’s arm to find out that indeed, there’s a tattoo on his tan skin. Still, he can’t quite figure it out. He adds that on his to-do-list.

 

**

“Again? Really?” Oikawa asks as he puts on some sweater Hanamaki strangely recognizes. It is his?

“Well, excuse me for not remembering.”

Iwaizumi, who is getting ready for his morning run, turns to both of them and scowls. “Oikawa, just tell him what he wants to know and stop making a big deal of it.”

The man pouts but gives up and settles on Iwaizumi’s bed, dragging the sweater over his knees. It’s definitely Hanamaki’s sweater.

“So I’m guessing you don’t know that Mattsun went through a break up last night.”

Hanamaki just stares at Oikawa.

“How do you know that?”  
“He told us when we came back here.”

 

There are some things Hanamaki now knows and he isn’t sure if his life is better or worse after learning them:

Mattsun is a cuddler.  
Mattsun is a big spoon.  
Mattsun has a tattoo that’s usually covered by his long sleeves.  
Mattsun has been in a relationship until last night.  
Hanamaki has terrible crush on his future flatmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't know. I just wanted to squeeze in happy drunk Iwaoi and my tattoo is almost healed now, so of course I have to go and give someone tattoo. 
> 
> I don't like this chapter very much, but what can you do


	8. Chapter 8

Hanamaki has always thought that bad people did only bad things and good people did only good things.

 

At least, that’s how it works in all the fairy tales his parents had told him when he couldn’t sleep, in all the stupid dramas filling the channels of their TV, in all the romantic books his grandma kept on her shelves.

 

What he had not really considered during his short life was the fact that sometimes, bad people do good things and good people do bad things. In his weak defence, he’s never really had to think further about it – at least until now.

 

The long awaited spring comes.

 

Hanamaki finally needs only two layers of clothing before leaving the dorm. Pancake wears his awesome sweater only for his last evening walk and otherwise, his own fur is enough to keep him warm, as Hanamaki learns.

 

Life is beautiful.

 

Hanamaki’s phone is now full of photos of Pancake and most of them are posted on his instagram as well. When Iwaizumi reminds him that the last 15 photos he’s uploaded are dog pictures, he decides to make an account only for Pancake’s photos (out of pure curiosity of course, but he still feels like a proud dad when he gains over hundred followers in two days).

 

Oikawa’s hairbrush is miraculously found under his bed during big room cleaning and much to Oikawa’s surprise, his boyfriend doesn’t scold him at all. (He only gives Hanamaki **_the look_** to let him know he is aware of just how big ‘miracle’ it is).

 

All the hot people are single again.

 

Yes, this is where the problem lays. According to Hanamaki’s mother, she has raised a _good_ son. Good son who worked hard in college, saved a dog, returned the hairbrush he borrowed, and was happy that two people have broken up.

 

Bad people do bad things and good people do good things.

 

The sentence makes his stomach turn when he repeats it in his head and to be honest, it’s quite often. He still feels the weird, warm feeling deep in his gut each time he remember that Mattsun has broken up with someone.

 

It scares Hanamaki to death.

 

 

**

 

The dorm is an interesting place. Some people here bake cookies for other people, some smoke weed, some deal information, some sneak in a dog, and some ..

 

Some run around sticking weird stickers on guy’s nipples while wearing terrible hats.

 

When the news gets to Hanamaki, Iwaizumi and Oikawa, their reactions are different. Oikawa is purely shocked, Iwaizumi mutters something along the lines ‘at least they leave the girls alone’ and Hanamaki only hums because he’s too busy with picking a filter for the latest photo of Pancake (he is sleeping on this one, paws under his head and it’s absolutely adorable). No one pays much attention to it after that.

 

And then it happens to Iwaizumi.

 

And who knew that Oikawa was such fighter against sexual harassment? Hanamaki didn’t.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry.

 

So naturally, he does both at the same time as he watches Oikawa furiously pace in their room.

 

 

 

A knock on the door tears Oikawa away from his muttering and he opens the door to find Bokuto and Akaashi standing there. Hanamaki is used to Bokuto’s visits by now, but bringing his boyfriend as well is new.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t think much of it until he and Akaashi sit side by side while Iwaizumi and Bokuto play with Pancake and Oikawa, still very mad, settles beside Iwaizumi. Just then Hanamaki notices the ugly sticker on Bokuto’s top.

 

Before he can say anything, Akaashi simply informs his that ‘ _this has to stop’_ and that’s how Hanamaki became a member of ‘we-are-gonna-stop-this-weirdo-team’. Oikawa joined as well, for obvious reasons.

 

The dorm is a ridiculous place, if you ask Hanamaki.

 

 

**

 

 

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, love it in the air. Hanamaki can not only feel it, but also **_see_** it.

 

While he waits for Mattsun in front of his room, he becomes a witness of very angry and very graphic make out right against the door of Mattsun’s and Yahaba’s room. Yahaba is part of this make out, of course. Hanamaki doesn’t recognize the other guy and he isn’t sure if he even wants to after seeing his tongue down Mattsun’s roommate.

 

The black-haired man walks past them unimpressed and gently tugs on Hanamaki’s sleeve to drag him out of his shocked gaze.

 

“I’m sure they won’t miss me at all,” he jokes as they make their way outside, “I’m only a bother for them anyway.”

 

Hanamaki finds himself frowning upon hearing those words. Will Oikawa and Iwaizumi miss him? Is he a bother for them now? Do they secretly wish he was gone already so they can have their privacy?

 

He tries to shake the thoughts away, however a small part of him stays unsure and insecure the whole journey to see the flat the nice lady (Hanamaki keeps forgetting her name) has found for them. It took her only two weeks, which is really impressive in Hanamaki’s eyes.

 

They meet up with her at the train station and follow her mostly in silence to the building. The neighbourhood is peaceful, some kids run around and yeah, Hanamaki can imagine himself going out for walks with Pancake here.

 

 

**

 

“I want you two to have a look around and just then we can go through the rest,” she says as they stand in the main hall.

 

An old lady opens the door for them, gentle and warm smile on her face as she greets them. The first thing they learn about the place is that she originally kept the flat for her son, but he moved out of Japan and she has her own house in small village. Then she nudges them to look around and waits with the nice lady in the hall.

 

“Shall I carry you inside like they do in movies?” Mattsun asks, breaking the silence between them when neither of them moves.

 

Hanamaki laughs and relaxes a bit. “They do that after they move in,” he informs Mattsun.

 

“Then I will do it once we move in. Doesn’t matter if it’s here or somewhere else.”

 

Hanamaki might be blushing, so he looks ahead of himself and takes the first step towards. Mattsun wraps his arm around his shoulders. “Where do we start?”

 

 

The place is somehow amazing. The two bedrooms are bit on the smaller side, but they’re right beside each other and both have their own window, bed, closet and desk. One is light blue and the other light green, both of them are clean and neat. The bathroom has a bathtub and shower, kitchen provides fridge and freezer along with small table and two chairs. There is a room that could be either living room or study, depending on what furniture they would buy for it.

 

The place is .. cosy. It’s nothing extraordinary, but it gives the warm feeling that this could be _home_.

 

“I love it,” Mattsun breathes out as they stand in the kitchen.

 

The words are exactly what Hanamaki is thinking.

 

Sure, they don’t know how much the rent would be and just how much of the furniture they could keep, but it’s exactly what they’re looking for.

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki returns to a mess. It’s not because the dorm room isn’t as big or nice as the flat, but because Oikawa is currently arguing over phone with someone. Iwaizumi sends him the ‘don’t even ask’ look, however once Oikawa hangs up, Hanamaki doesn’t have to ask.

 

“I got the freaking sticker! The weirdo ran to me and just put it on me!”

 

 “Did you see his face?”

“No.”

 

Hanamaki sighs.

 

 

**

 

 

Akaashi is the most thoughtful person Hanamaki knows. Oikawa is the most over-thinking person he knows.

 

“The people who got the sticker have some kind of connection.”

 

Both Oikawa and Hanamaki nod.

 

Akaashi is, without a doubt, the mastermind of this team. Sure, Oikawa could be one as well, but he doesn’t have the knowledge of an information dealer.

 

“What we already know, it’s only guys. At first I thought that it was just the members of volleyball team, but then Oikawa and some other got it. So I’m thinking-“

 

A weight settles beside Hanamaki and when he turns his head to the side, he is met with Mattsun’s brilliant smile inches away from his face. Hanamaki’s heart does the familiar jump and he has to forcefully tear his gaze away from Mattsun’s handsome face.

 

He leans across the table and although hesitantly, Oikawa, Akaashi and Hanamaki do the same.

 

“I’ll tell you right away what all this is about,” Mattsun says, his voice nicely deep. It’s like music to Hanamaki’s ears.

 

“Yes?” Oikawa asks, half whispering.

 

Mattsun leans an inch closer and then: “It’s my shitty ex.”

 

A couple of confused ‘what’ hangs in the air now. Just to be sure, Hanamaki asks again. “What?”

 

The man beside him chuckles and straightens up, folding his arms on the table in front of them. His tattoo is covered by the sleeves of his sweater again.

 

“You heard right. We broke up and now he’s running around the campus and putting stickers on people that he would rather sleep with than sleep with me.”

 

A silence follows. Hanamaki thinks that everyone is taking in what an asshole Mattsun’s ex is, but then Oikawa shouts that **no one is allowed to sleep with Iwa-chan** and Akaashi, the collected Akaashi, looks furious himself when he remembers the sticker on Bokuto’s top.

 

Oh well.

 

 

**

 

The last time he’s seen Iwaizumi was when everything was normal. His friend took a shower, got dressed in comfy clothes and tried to calm down his boyfriend. That’s the Iwaizumi he wants to remember.

 

Now Hanamaki only wants to cry. And shout, probably.

 

“WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET ALL THE STICKERS?!”

“I went to buy them, of course.”

“IWAIZUMI, SAY SOMETHING!”

 

Iwaizumi sighs. Oikawa puts another sticker on his exposed skin, right bellow his collarbone.

 

Hanamaki collapses on his bed, petting Pancake to calm down after witnessing _this_. _This madness_.  (Iwaizumi sitting shirtless on Oikawa’s bed and Oikawa putting like 856 stickers on him. _Why_.)

 

It’s only later that day when Oikawa leaves for the bathroom that Hanamaki questions _it_.

 

“It’s kinda cute, actually,” Iwaizumi mumbles and _blushes_. Hanamaki has to pinch his arm just to be sure he’s awake. Oikawa would faint if he only saw this.

 

Hanamaki takes all the remaining stickers and leaves the room before Oikawa can kick his ass for _borrowing_ his stuff again.

 

 

**

 

 

Hanamaki has always thought that bad people did only bad things and good people did only good things.

 

However, when he and Mattsun are sitting in the community room, in the middle of the night, and some guy passes by, putting a sticker on Hanamaki’s t-shirt right in front of Mattsun, Hanamaki realises it’s not completely true.

 

He recognizes the guy. He once helped him in class last year and not only Hanamaki, but many other people as well. He thought of him as a good guy.

 

And yet, here he goes, a childish revenge, as he tries to get back at Mattsun. Hanamaki wonders whenever he’s sad or angry because of the breakup. Probably both, after all, it’s past 1 am and he still got to put a sticker on Hanamaki. Mattsun tells Hanamaki that the guy didn’t take it well when Mattsun ended it, but he never imagined he would do something like this to him. Hanamaki’s chest hurt at the expression on his pretty face.

 

“All the guys are so handsome and some of them are super buff and hot,” Mattsun chuckles, somehow fake. “And then there’s me.”

 

Hanamaki frowns, looking down at the sticker at his chest. It’s a picture of some animated animal doing stupid face. He doesn’t deserve it at all. He is normal if anything, ordinary.

 

Without giving it a second thought, he peels it off and leans over to Mattsun, sticking it right in the middle of his chest. It looks much better there.

 

The man looks at him confused for a moment, but then he’s laughing, the sound filling the room and it’s beautiful, honestly.

 

“Thanks,” he says between the tiny giggles now escaping his lips.

 

Hanamaki turns his gaze to the stickers he’s taken away from Oikawa earlier that night, because everyone already got the message, clear and loud.

 

Hanamaki might feel stupid for this in the morning, but now it just feels right – so he ignores the tiny voice telling him that if Oikawa knew, he would make fun of him forever, and covers Mattsun in stickers as well. The smile he gets for it is more than worth Oikawa making fun of him for the rest of his life.

 

And, in the end, Mattsun gives him a sticker right before they return to their own rooms as well.

 

 

Hanamaki keeps it on his phone case.

 

 

**

 

 

The dorm is a weird place. Somehow, within few days, people stop asking other people out. Instead, they stick stupid sticker on them and wait if the gesture if returned. Hanamaki honestly doesn’t want to know just how this happened, but it did.

 

Mattsun’s ex isn’t an asshole. What started as a cruel revenge ended as cute thing between people and even though Mattsun won’t say it out loud, Hanamaki knows he is glad it turned out this way. He tries not to think about the night when they exchanged the stickers and what exactly changed between them in that moment. He decides it’s better not to think about it at all.

 

 

Not when they’re moving in together in a week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written with with my 7 months old baby sister on my lap, so if you find some weird typo or mistake, that's my excuse
> 
> Anyway, if you want, you can find me on tumblr/instagram as carxies (i am super bored these days)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heey ! Sorry for the late update, but the very next day I returned from holiday, I got sick and I got to writing just today. To make it up, it's slightly longer

One week goes by too quickly.

 

It doesn’t matter how many times Iwaizumi gives him all kinds of different ‘you can do it’ speeches, it doesn’t matter how many times Hanamaki calls his mother or how many times he talks to Mattsun– he doesn’t feel ready.

 

And when the day comes, the day when Mattsun knocks on their door, accompanied by Sugawara, who owns a car, and Yahaba, who will look after Pancake until they can take him to the new place, Hanamaki feels like passing out-

 

Or maybe it’s because he hasn’t eaten anything in last 18 hours.

 

“My things are already there, so only yours are left,” Mattsun says, easily, after brief greetings.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t trust his voice, so he only nods and pets Pancake, who’s already lying in the sport bag and passes it to Yahaba. The dog is more than friendly, so Hanamaki doesn’t worry about the two of them not getting along.

 

With a deep breath, he grabs the first box in his reach. His friends then take the rest, leaving Sugawara empty handed. Hanamaki came to the campus with just two boxes and now, when he has four even though he packed only the most important things, he wonders how he could survive like that. What exactly did he own? And where did he get all the other stuff?

 

The walk from the room to the parking lot behind the campus is relatively quiet, expect soft whispers between Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Sugawara finally stops, pulls out his keys from the pocket of the jacket that is suspiciously too big and too familiar to everyone. The car that reacts to the keys is .. Not what was expected.

 

“I know you said you had a car, but you didn’t tell us it was a brand new range rover,” Oikawa, _of course_ , comments it instead of being quiet like everyone else.

 

Sugawara smiles somehow sheepishly and shrugs. “I got it from my cousin when he bought new car. I am repaying it every month.”

 

Hanamaki almost asks for how many _years_ he will be repaying it, but he decides it’s better not to be on the bad terms with person who is willing to drive him and his stuff for free. Also, he is a good person.

 

He turns back to look at the dorm once more and a chill run down his spine. Maybe he should have worn something over the t-shirt.

 

 

**

 

The tour they give to their first visitors is over quickly – after all, there isn’t much to show. Still, all three of them compliment the place and wish Hanamaki and Mattsun the best before they leave.

 

It happens all too fast for Hanamaki’s liking.

 

Hanamaki stands in his new room - the blue one because Mattsun said that colour suits him better- and even though the room isn’t empty, it gives Hanamaki that feeling. He can hear Mattsun unpacking his own things, the noises echoing in the otherwise silent flat. They agreed to do this as soon as they can so they go to the comfortable part of living faster.

 

That’s probably the only reason why Hanamaki finishes unpacking the same day they move in.

 

They order the take out for dinner because neither of them thought of going grocery shopping and they’re both too tired to go somewhere now.

 

They eat in silence. It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s .. _New_.

 

Eating with Oikawa and Iwaizumi was always loud. The two would be either bickering or being disgustingly sweet towards each other, but always loud. And while Hanamaki muttered how one day they will choke and he won’t help them, he actually liked it that way. It was part of their friendship, eating together and informing each other what happened that day. Oikawa would have the most to tell, mainly gossips and stories from his other friends, and Iwaizumi and Hanamaki would listen, shooting each other looks time from time. Now, that’s gone.

 

Hanamaki isn’t sure how he feels about it. Liking to be in Mattsun’s presence is one thing, living with him is other. It’s new.

 

There’s a hint of guilt in his gut when he goes to bed as soon as he finishes his meal, but his head is spinning and his limbs are heavier than usual.

 

**

 

He doesn’t sleep well at all.

 

**

 

Hanamaki wakes up with terrible headache, his sheets and clothes wet from sweat and he cannot breathe.

 

_Maybe he should have worn something over the t-shirt._

 

He climbs out of the bed, with much difficulty, and stumbles to the kitchen, only to find out that no food has magically appeared in the fridge. He groans and walks back to his bedroom, hastily throwing on some clothes, when a knock on the half open door disturbs him.

 

He turns to see Mattsun, in old, terribly worn out t-shirt and even worse pants, standing in the hall, his head sticking through the gap between the door and wall. If Hanamaki had temperature before, he has a fever now, and there’s no denying it. Something stupid almost slips out of his mouth, but Mattsun beats him at it.

 

“You look terrible.”

 

Hanamaki chuckles, the sound hoarse and broken. Mattsun frowns and closes the distance between them in few long steps, placing his hand on Hanamaki’s burning forehead. Well, it is burning now.

 

“You have a temperature,” he mutters under his breath, “Get back to bed, yeah?”

 

Hanamaki wants to protest, make fun of Mattsun for being mother-like (something Oikawa does to Iwaizumi all the time), but his body simply fails him and he does as he’s told. He mumbles he’s okay, but his flatmate ( _flatmate_ ) is having none of it.

 

He barely registers that Mattsun is saying something, his eyes closing and then he falls asleep.

 

 

**

 

When he wakes up, he feels even worse – his wet clothes stick to his burning skin and his mouth is open so he can breathe. It takes quite an effort to open his eyes, but when he does, he decides it’s worth it.

 

Mattsun sits on the chair pushed next to his bed, a book on his hands. He looks peaceful like this, when he thinks no one is watching (Hanamaki noticed he controls himself a lot, especially after his break up with the sticker dude) and he is simply himself. Hanamaki would pay any price to have a picture of him like this, but his phone is on his desk and even if he did have it, taking a photo would disturb Mattsun from his calm state, so he lies without a move, enjoying the view until Mattsun notices him.

 

He wonders if Mattsun was worried about him or he was lonely without a roommate.

 

A sneeze ruins everything, because in matter of seconds, Mattsun is closing his book, getting up and passing Hanamaki a box of tissues. Hanamaki mumbles his thanks and blows his nose – even this is too much activity for him.

 

“So, I got us some food and medicine for you.”

 

Hanamaki nods. “My wallet is in the backpack under the table.”

 

The man shakes head. “That won’t be necessary. After all, we need you to get better as soon as possible to get Pancake.”

 

Hanamaki sits up so quickly it hurts. “Pancake! I almost forgot!”

 

Mattsun laughs and takes a bowl from Hanamaki’s desk before he sits on his bed beside his legs. He passes the bowl to Hanamaki without a word and Hanamaki can only nod before he’s stuffing himself with all kinds of fruit Mattsun has cut in small pieces for him (how adorable is that???).

 

After the breakfast, Hanamaki is forced to lie back down and Mattsun gives him some pill – for temperature, apparently- and then he leans above his terrible-looking face to give him nose drops. Hanamaki argues that he can do it alone; however after a stern look Mattsun shoots him, he is defeated.

 

“Sniff.”

 

Hanamaki internally sighs, really loudly and really dramatically, but he _does_ sniff the disgusting drops. He decides that if Mattsun intends to take care of him, he might as well let him and enjoy it while he has the excuse for it. And he’s glad he’s done so, because the next minute, Mattsun gently brushes his damp hair from his forehead and gently tells him to sleep.

 

**

 

Hanamaki sleeps better.

 

**

 

Hanamaki is woken up by voices. Familiar voices.

 

At first, he pays no attention to it, it’s normal.

Except ..

 

He had moved out and Mattsun is most likely not able to change his voice this good. He gets out of the bed and slowly makes his way to the kitchen, where he finds no one other than Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

 

“What are you doing here?” Hanamaki asks as he leans against the wall.

 

Maybe it’s because he’s ill and weak and he would _never_ do it under normal circumstances, however he finds himself tearing up. His friends laugh at him, of course they do, and Mattsun scolds them a tiny bit for it (“Don’t laugh, he’s ill,” he says).

 

“We brought Pancake,” Iwaizumi informs him.

“He sleeps in my room,” Mattsun adds.

 

 

His whole body aches, but he refuses to go back to bed, not when his friends are there (he really does not want to let them alone with Mattsun, for reasons). He remembers the words of his mother, who always made fun of men with cold, saying that they act like it’s a deadly illness and Hanamaki wonders – do women not feel like dying when they have a cold?

 

 

Much to his unrest, he and Mattsun do get separated, but at least it’s Iwaizumi who’s with Mattsun in the kitchen. Hanamaki has _faith_ in Iwaizumi.

 

 

“You should make some rules,” Oikawa says, casually sitting on the floor in Hanamaki’s new room.

“Rules?”

“Yeah, rules of living together.”

 

Hanamaki gives him a confused look.

 

“It makes sense. Like, who does what chores, food, all that stuff. When you can bring someone over, when you can _bring someone over_ ,-”

 

Hanamaki sighs. “Are we talking about one night stands here?”

 

Oikawa nods. Hanamaki can’t quite read his expression, but he blames it on his illness.

 

And then.

 

Hanamaki has never even thought about it. He has never thought that now, when Mattsun is single, he would find someone else. And that thought does things to Hanamaki. It flips his stomach and clenches his heart. He hates the idea of seeing Mattsun with someone, of him _being_ with someone.

 

His knees give up and he slumps on the bed, running a hand through his hair. He needs a haircut.

 

Oikawa still has this look on his face and for a second, Hanamaki is reminded why there are people who do not like Oikawa – he has no trouble discovering their deep hidden weakness and secrets. He knows how they feel just a moment before they know it.

 

_He absolutely hates the idea of Mattsun being with someone else._

 

“Makki?”

“Yeah?” he tries, but his voice fails him.

 

Oikawa takes a while before he responds, the words craving into Hanamaki’s mind.

 

“I’m not sure if living with your crush is a good idea.”

 

 

Hanamaki isn’t sure if this is still only a crush.

 

 

**

 

“How are you feeling?” Mattsun asks as he closes the window in Hanamaki’s room.

 

“Okay,” Hanamaki mutters, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

He hears Mattsun walk around the room, until the footsteps are far away and the sound gets softer.

 

“Goodnight Makki.”

 

Hanamaki doesn’t answer at first. After few seconds, however, his guilt gets to him, and he whispers, just in case. “Mattsun?”

 

He doesn’t expect a reply, and yet, it comes immediately. “Yes?”

 

“Thank you.”

“No need to.”

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki sleeps horribly once again.

 

**

 

He wakes up with a gentle touch on his forehead. When he opens his sleepy eyes, Mattsun is standing above him, a concerned frown on his face.

 

“I’m good,” Hanamaki says and before Mattsun can say anything, he climbs out of the bed and rushes to the bathroom.

 

He spends the second day of their living together talking to Pancake and not letting Mattsun to take care of him anymore.

 

**

 

Hanamaki returns home sooner than Mattsun – he had fewer classes and no work, a lucky day. His cold is better now, even though he still sneezes now and then.

 

The flat is lonely without Mattsun around.

 

It doesn’t take much time until he’s in the hall, staring at the wall. For some reason, he doesn’t feel like being in his room, a room that is only his own and no one else lives there. Hanamaki wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he misses Oikawa and Iwaizumi - it doesn’t matter that he has seen them today.

 

He finds himself scrolling through his gallery, looking at all the photos of the three of them taken past two years. It’s hilarious, really, the way he acts like he hasn’t been with the two of them for years. It’s childish, he is aware.

 

He doesn’t know for how long he’s been sitting on the floor, only the light from his phone illuminating the dark space, but when Mattsun walks to him, he guess it has been long enough.

 

“Can’t sleep?” the man asks, his voice slightly hoarse – it does things to Hanamaki’s poor heart.

“I haven’t even tried, to be honest.”

 

He can barely see Mattsun’s face but then he’s beside him, sneaking a look at the display of Hanamaki’s phone. It’s almost 12 now, where has he been for so long? Hanamaki doesn’t ask – he has no right to.

 

“It doesn’t feel like home, does it?” Mattsun says after a while of silence.

Hanamaki chuckles and locks his phone. “Not really.”

 

Mattsun hums.

 

“It will take some time.”

 

No other words are spoken for god knows how long until Mattsun speaks up again, his voice quiet and genuine. “I can’t sleep either. This might be stupid and might not work, but I have an idea what we could do.”

 

Hanamaki turns his head towards him, trying to make out his expression in the dark with no luck. “Okay.”

 

 

 

**

 

“You even have a printer?” Hanamaki asks, standing kind of awkwardly in Mattsun’s room. He feels like he _shouldn’t_ be here.

 

The other man nods and turns on his laptop, sitting on his bed. Hanamaki continues standing in the middle of the room until Mattsun kick his leg. Surpassing the blush creeping on his cheeks, he settles beside Mattsun, keeping his distance.

 

They connect Hanamaki’s phone to Mattsun’s laptop and start going through the pictures.

 

“This one was the first picture we’ve taken together,” Hanamaki comments the two years old selfie. Oikawa’s face takes the most of it, Hanamaki and Iwaizumi are behind him, heads on Oikawa’s shoulders. (Iwaizumi had to stand on his tiptoes to do so and both Hanamaki and his boyfriend laughed at him for good five minutes.) He chuckles when he remembers it and drags it to a new folder on Mattsun’s desktop.

 

The next few ones are mostly blurred photos or very ugly photos they took of each other. There’s even one where Oikawa has four chins and Hanamaki seriously thinks about it for a second, but then he skips to another photo.

 

When it’s Mattsun’s turn to choose, he gives commentary to the photos as well. Hanamaki must smile at this.

 

They print 8 photos each, then stick them all next to each other and hang the master piece on the wall in the hall.

 

“Well, I’m no artist, but I would say it’s decent.”

 

Hanamaki laughs, but he cannot disagree with Mattsun – not when his lips are curling up to form the tiniest smile. Pancake sits by their feet, still a bit confused because of the sudden change of place.

 

“It’s closer to home now,” he nods.

“If that’s the case..”

 

Before Hanamaki can ask, he’s scooped up in Mattsun’s arms. His eyes go wide and his skin is hot anywhere where it makes contact with Mattsun. His first instinct is to wiggle in Mattsun’s grip, with no luck.

 

“What’s that for?!” he shouts, feeling his cheeks going pink. He blushes a lot lately – _stupid Mattsun_.

“I’m keeping my promise, stop moving!”

 

Hanamaki wiggles some more and when he believes that this is it, Mattsun is going to drop him and he will die, the dark-haired man squeezes him tighter in his embrace.

 

They both laugh, all the tension and all the loneliness slowly fading. As stupid as it sounds, a printer and duct tape end up making Hanamaki feel better. Or maybe it’s Mattsun, but Hanamaki would never admit that.

 

The laughter dies and there’s only a silence, not exactly tense, but there’s something about it. Hanamaki couldn’t explain it even if he tried, however, suddenly he is leaning up and Mattsun is leaning down to meet him and-

 

An unexpected sound startles them both.

 

Hanamaki looks at Mattsun in shock, and then down.

 

“DID HE JUST BARK?!”

“HE DID!”

 

Almost as to assure them, Pancake barks again, visibly proud of his improvement. Hanamaki manages to get on the solid ground again, even if his head is up in the clouds and he pets Pancake, trying to distract himself from what just (almost) happened.

 

Before the neighbours can come and scold all three of them, they slip into their rooms and the moment they (almost) had stays in the hall, unspoken but not forgotten.

 

**

 

Hanamaki doesn’t want to admit it. Especially not to Oikawa, who _had told him so_ (he does that a lot).

 

“Makki, I’m tired of this,” the man sighs and then he speaks in weird tone (probably mimicking Hanamaki’s voice), “ _Did I kiss him, is he into guys, was that a date, is he into me_?”

 

Hanamaki frowns and stares down at his notes. “Me too.”

 

Oikawa groans and closes the notebook on Hanamaki’s desk. “Then .. Why don’t you just – finally – ask the person who _does_ have the answers?”

 

Hanamaki’ gaze finds Iwaizumi, hoping for a rescue, but none comes and Hanamaki knows he’s in big mess if Iwaizumi agrees with Oikawa on this.

 

“I guess I’m too afraid of the real answers.”

 

 

 

And, in all honesty, he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ill, so of course I make someone ill. How creative of me (i'm an art student, aren't those supposed to be creative ?)  
> Also, I had to take out one of my piercings for good and I'm just so sad about it, so if you found this kinda sad, that's why.


	10. Chapter 10

Hanamaki quickly goes through his notes again, even though he would most likely recite them if he was woken up in the middle of the night. His friends are supposed to be taking the same exam as he is, but it seems they have different worries _. Very different worries._

 

“You smell like Matsukawa.”

 

Hanamaki sighs and closes his notebook, turning his head to face Iwaizumi. “Excuse me? Were you really sniffing me this whole time?”

 

The man shrugs and straightens up, fixing the sleeves of his shirt. Oikawa beside him shrugs like he doesn’t find it weird at all. “You do. So?”

 

Hanamaki rubs his temple. It’s too early for this. He stayed up till 2 am, then had to get up early to take Pancake for a walk and then rush to the university to take the stupid exam  - he has no nerves for this.

 

“I ran out of my shower gel, so I borrowed his. Happy now?”

 

Iwaizumi looks at Oikawa and Oikawa looks at him and Hanamaki should have known this was coming.

 

“I told you so, Iwa-chan. It was clear that nothing would happen, this is Makki we’re talking about.”

“Yeah, but like .. What if he got his head out of his ass, you know?”

 

Hanamaki stares at the two of them in disbelief. “Thank you very much for having so much faith in me. Much appreciated.”

 

Oikawa waves his hand in front of Hanamaki’s face. Hanamaki wants to bite it.

 

“Come on. You’ve been in the gay friend zone for like, how long? Two weeks? No, you were there even before you moved in together..”

“A month,” Iwaizumi steps in.

“Yes, a month. So it’s only reasonable for us to be like this.”

 

Hanamaki sips his coffee (he makes much better if you asked) and tries to take in what Oikawa just said. “What exactly is gay friend zone?”

 

Oikawa laughs, his perfect little laugh and waves his damn hand again. What is a surprise though, is that even Iwaizumi’s lips curl into a half smile, half smirk. What did Hanamaki miss?

 

“Here, let me explain,” Oikawa leans over Iwaizumi closer to Hanamaki, “Gay friend zone, my friend, is different from what whiny straight guys call friend zone.”

 

“Get to the point, I’m not catching up.”

“It’s when two gays, or any non straights, are friends, but are also not exactly friends. It’s like .. Dancing around each other, you know? Like, ‘I would be down to be more than friends if you were down to it but I’m not saying it first so we both just flirt with each other and everyone else sees it expect us’. “

“Sugawara and Sawamura are great example of that,” Iwaizumi adds.

 

Hanamaki looks at them, a confused frown on his face. “Yeah, well, that’s not us.”

 

Oikawa smiles, the annoying ‘i know what you don’t’ smile. “Alright.”

 

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki returns home late, his hands full of the bags with groceries. He stumbles to the kitchen and sets them on the table, sighing and rubbing his hands. How comes that Mattsun never seems to have such difficulty with this?

 

After putting everything in place, he returns the money to their shopping jar. They decided that it will be easier to keep a jar for both of them to throw in the same amount of money from their paychecks. When they need to buy something for the flat or go grocery shopping, they take the money from the jar and it’s fair.

 

“Hi there,” Mattsun peeks in the kitchen, “I already took Pancake out.”

 

Hanamaki sighs and slumps on one of the chairs, thanking all gods for Mattsun. He would probably pass out if he had to go for a walk now. Mattsun chuckles and sits on the other chair.

 

“Tired?”

“Dead. Nothing can save me now.”

 

The man smiles and reaches for something in his pocket, pulling out his phone. He raises his eyebrows at Hanamaki as he speaks. “We met another Samoyed, I have pictures if you want.”

 

Hanamaki pretends to think but then he grabs the phone out of Mattsun’s grip.

 

“Oh my god, that’s so cute.”

“I know, right?”

 

Hanamaki nods and sends the picture to himself, mentally noting he has to post this one later. Later, when Mattsun isn’t smiling at him like _this_.

 

“Did you eat?”

“Not really, you?” Hanamaki gives him the phone back and finally takes off his jacket. Yes, he has learnt his lesson and wears a _spring jacket_ now (only after his mother shouted at him for being stupid, of course.)

 

“Nah, I waited for you. I will make us something real quick.”

 

There are some things that are important to know about Mattsun’s cooking. First, it’s absolutely delicious and Hanamaki is glad that so far, he enjoys cooking for not only himself and Hanamaki doesn’t have to force him. Second, he always sings when he cooks (and it’s so off tune and he gets the words of the English songs wrong and Hanamaki loves it). And third, real quick means at least an hour.

 

“Are you sure it will be quick?”

 

Mattsun fakes a gasp and complete shock. “In _this_ economy?”

 

Hanamaki laughs.

 

 

**

 

“How did the exam go?” Mattsun asks when they have full tummies and they sit on the floor in Hanamaki’s room, both of them on their laptops.

 

“Good. I think. I hope. I don’t know.”

 

Mattsun lets out a quiet chuckle and shakes head. “I’m sure you did well. Just like the prophecy foretold.”

 

Hanamaki snickers. It’s their thing, he likes to think. He likes to imagine that Mattsun wasn’t this close with Yahaba. The cooking, the unspoken agreement they hang out in the evening, the little joke of using dramatic lines from books in normal situations.

 

He likes to believe that it’s only him getting to be like this with Mattsun.

 

And, yeah, he kind of sees what Oikawa meant. That bastard is always right.

 

“You know, I might have to find someone to take Pancake out when we’re in school or work. I’m pretty sure he should be going out more often.”

  
“Yeah, give him some freedom, let him party, have the time of his life.”

 

“Seriously though,” Hanamaki chuckles, “What do you think?”

 

Mattsun looks up from the screen of his laptop and gazes at Hanamaki. “I have someone who could do it.”

 

 

**

 

“Makki, this is my little sister, Minako, this is Makki.“

 

Hanamaki stares.

 

Mattsun’s sister, (not so little if you ask Hanamaki, she’s in a second year in high school) looks nothing like Mattsun except the black hair. She is polite, so much it almost makes Hanamaki uncomfortable. But, she and Pancake get on well, it’s like a love at first sight (something Pancake experiences with everyone) and apparently, she is an animal lover just like her brother, so she is more than happy to be allowed to take Pancake out for walks after school.

 

Mattsun gives her a spare key and then they separate from her, making their way to the clinic. Why exactly is Hanamaki going?

 

Well..

 

It would be nice to help out since they helped him and maybe even learn something and .. Mattsun asked if he would accompany him because his mother is out of town, sue him.

 

For the first two hours, nothing much happens. Hanamaki feeds some animals that are staying over, but no one comes. Hanamaki isn’t bothered by it at all, because once Mattsun’s shift starts, he transforms into this really serious person and he explains as much as he can to Hanamaki.

 

Someone enters just when they finish cleaning the hall.

 

A blond guy rushes inside; a mess that Hanamaki supposes is a jacket of the poor guy in his arms. Mattsun approaches him and the scene is so familiar to Hanamaki as he watches from distance. The guy passes a tiny, wet ginger kitten to Mattsun and mutters something about river and Hanamaki’s stomach flips. He remembers how just a month and bit ago, he himself ran here, Pancake curled in his arms after someone got rid of him during cruel winter. He calms down a little when he recalls Pancake today, his happy barking and tail wiggling.

 

The kitten, however, is nowhere to be happy. It’s shaking cold and sneezing and it is so, so, _so_ tiny.

 

Mattsun promises that he will take care of the poor thing, his tone making Hanamaki wonder whom he is promising it. Only when he disappears to the back room Hanamaki realises the blond guy looks almost as bad as the cat. It clicks and yeah, this is why Hanamaki is here.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

The guy turns to him, his eyes wide and breathing heavy. Hanamaki sees himself in him, and now, he is in Mattsun’s place.

 

“Sit down, I will get you some tea, yeah?”

 

Without waiting for a reply, he walks away. When he’s at it, he checks on Mattsun. “How is it?” he asks quietly.

 

Mattsun is only showing him his back, but Hanamaki knows better. He sees the tense shoulders.

 

“I’m not sure. The guy?”

 

Hanamaki chews on his bottom lip as he steps closer, placing a gentle hand on Mattsun’s back. The man relaxes a tiniest bit. “I will take care of him,” Hanamaki promises.

 

 

**

 

Mattsun comes out what seems ages later, the kitten now dry and wrapped in a soft towel instead of the blond’s jacket. Mattsun carefully cradles it in his arms as he sits beside the guy.

 

“I did everything, now it’s up to him. I just thought you would want to see him.”

 

The other man nods and gently pets its head. “Thank you.”

 

 

**

 

Mattsun refuses to go home. He insists that he will stay on the clinic with the nightshift and honestly, there’s no changing his mind, especially when it’s Friday and Hanamaki cannot use the ‘you got school tomorrow’ argument, so he goes to buy Mattsun some dinner before he heads home to Pancake.

 

They text until Hanamaki falls asleep, Pancake curled by his feet.

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki knows that deep inside, he wanted to know every side of Mattsun. He knows he wished he could have the opportunity. But now, when he finds Mattsun on the cold floor, knees pushed to his chest and tears wetting his jeans, he curses himself.

He carefully sits beside him.

 

It’s terrible – he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, with his voice, what to do with _Mattsun_.

 

“He just .. Didn’t want to drink and-“ he sobs out.

 

The sound shatters Hanamaki’s heart in million pieces. “I’m sorry,” is all he manages and it is pathetic. Mattsun deserves better, so much better than crying on the clinic because of something that was out of his influence.

 

The man beside him sniffs. “I promised I would-“

 

“Mattsun, no. You .. You did everything you could, you did your best. _I know you did._ ”

 

The black-haired man looks up to him and that’s all it takes for Hanamaki to cup his face between his palms, staring into his teary eyes. “This was not your fault. You can’t save all of them. Okay?”

 

Another sniffle. “I-“

 

“Okay?”

 

Mattsun nods, but the tears are still running down his cheeks and he is still shaking. Hanamaki will probably end up in hell for doing this, _for letting himself do this to be exact_ , but he leans closer and places a single kiss on his forehead. “You did all you could, _Issei_ ,” he whispers against Mattsun’s skin. “Let’s go home.”

 

Hanamaki thinks that maybe he will get off easy, at least until the familiar blond guy walks in and Mattsun bursts in more sobs and self hatred when he sees him. The stranger gets the situation and squats down in front of them.

 

“Thank you for trying anyway,” he says simply and leaves.

 

 

Mattsun’s mother arrives a bit later, patting Mattsun’s messy hair before they head home.

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki wants to help. But, as much as he hates it, Mattsun doesn’t let him. He walks around like nothing happened and when he talks to Hanamaki, it’s not him.

 

Hanamaki feels lonely once again.

 

The phone in his hand is somehow heavier today. He swipes back and forth until his eyes fall on one unnamed folder. He doesn’t remember creating it, but then again, his phone does many weird things without his content. He opens it and stares at three unfamiliar icons – he doesn’t remember downloading them either.

 

“What the hell..”

 

He opens the middle one, and after annoying loading, he gazes at game he recognizes. It’s the game Oikawa used to play all the time. It’s that stupid cat game and Oikawa even named two cats as ‘Makki’ and ‘Iwa-chan’.

 

If Hanamaki was feeling a bit lonely before, he feels like crying now.

 

 

**

 

 

Hanamaki confronts Mattsun a week later, when he can’t take it anymore. He gets it, he gets that Mattsun is hurt and fragile and scared. And honestly, that’s why Hanamaki wants him to open up, to talk to him, _to lean on him._

It doesn’t take much until Mattsun breaks, lets out everything until there is no more hate to be said.

 

_**_

 

 

“So, what’s the deal with the tattoo?” Hanamaki asks, gently combing his fingers through Mattsun’s hair.

 

The man chuckles weakly. “My sister thought I became yakuza when she saw it.”

 

Hanamaki can imagine that.

 

“There is no escape from the destiny,” Hanamaki mutters and Mattsun shakes in his embrace, both with laughter and cry. Hanamaki lets him.

 

 

Hanamaki knows it will probably take time. He won’t try to fix Mattsun – he has to do that himself.

 

There will be few more nights when Mattsun will crawl in his bed because he cannot sleep in his own, but Hanamaki will be there. He will be there to play with his hair (because it calms Mattsun down) and tell him stupid jokes. He will be there to remind him that even though he didn’t save the kitten, he saved Pancake, who is there with them every day.

 

However, he will also be there to just let Mattsun cry and sob out some words that are not true (Hanamaki will tell him that later). It will most likely take time.

 

“Makki?”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking..”

“Yeah?”

“About calling you Hiro..”

 

Hanamaki snickers. “Okay, Issei.”

 

 

He can’t quite bring himself to care if this is what Oikawa and Iwaizumi call the ‘gay friend zone’ or if his crush if more than a crush.

 


	11. Chapter 11

“Makki?”

 

Hanamaki blinks, once, twice, until he realises he’s been spacing out. Oikawa doesn’t look annoyed, thank goodness.

 

“We will talk about this,” he murmurs and opens the door.

 

The door of their room.

 

 _No_ , Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi’s room. Hanamaki lingers on the spot for a moment longer – he hasn’t been here in ages. With a deep breath, he steps inside. Nothing much changed, expect the empty bed and desk that used to be Hanamaki’s. His heart clenches at the sight, but he is distracted soon enough when Iwaizumi gets up to greet him.

 

“How is he?” Iwaizumi asks hours later. Hanamaki spent most of them being too deep in thought to pay attention to his friends.

 

He thinks about Mattsun, still down and still not himself, most likely beating himself again while Hanamaki is gone.

 

He has made a progress, tiny but noticeable, and yet, it doesn’t take much for him to slip back into shadows. It is a two weeks since the incident now – Hanamaki expected he would be okay by now. Today, however, he knows better.

 

It’s like healing a scratch. A bigger one. It should be fast, but Hanamaki has to keep Mattsun’s unsteady hands from picking on the scab and opening the wound again and again. Sadly, he still does it when Hanamaki isn’t around.

 

Hanamaki scowls. “It’s.. Complicated. Every time I think he’s better, I find him at his worst again. It’s just going back and forth. I think his mother isn’t exactly helping either, but he won’t talk to me about that.”

 

Iwaizumi nods and looks at Oikawa, who is currently occupied with Hanamaki’s phone. “We could visit you, maybe he could use some company.”

 

With a nod, Hanamaki leans back against the wall. Just then, there’s a loud melody and Oikawa turns to them.

 

“Makki, creepy perv face is calling you.”

“Who?”

“Creepy perv face!”

 

Hanamaki sighs and reaches over. “What the hell, Oikawa..”

 

He looks at the display, realising that Oikawa didn’t lie – there’s only ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). A bit hesitant, he answers it.

 

“Hello?”

“Hey, can you buy some things on your way home?” Mattsun asks, his cheerful tone entirely fake.

“Did you, by any chance, changed your name in my name?”

 “Maybe.”

Hanamaki snickers. “I would like to see you making this face, Issei.”

“So let it be written; so let it be done. I will send you the list.”

 

With that, Mattsun hangs up and leave Hanamaki to face the realisation of what he’s just said. In front of his friends. In front of Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

 

“So..”

“Issei..”

 

Hanamaki groans and grabs the closest pillow, slapping it over his face.

**

 

Hanamaki isn’t exactly familiar with flower shops, flower language or flowers in general. He knows that they are popular these days, but that’s the end of his knowledge. He is already aware that he will end up embarrassing himself, _but he’s doing this for Mattsun._ He has to cheer him up and Mattsun liked his fake aloe, right?

It doesn’t matter, it’s not like he will ever return here and there’s no one he knows. It will be fine.

 

“Hanamaki! What brings you here?”

 

_Oh well._

 

Sugawara is the last person he wants to meet, but definitely not the last person he would expect to work here. People say that he’s sweet, but with the smirk on his face, Hanamaki honestly does not see it – he’s Oikawa’s friend, after all.

 

“Or, rather, who?”

 

There he goes.

 

Hanamaki sighs and decides to get this over quickly. “I need an aloe. Some small, cute aloe for Mattsun to cheer him up and that’s it.”

 

“Oh.” Sugawara raises his eyebrows. “That’s it? It is a bit strange for a date, but then again..”

 

“It’s not for a date. We are friends, and nothing more. But, talking about that, there’s someone who should get their shit together and ask _their_ friend out instead of teasing other people to keep on overlooking the facts laid on the table, am I right, Sugawara?”

 

The silver haired man blinks at the sudden counterattack. Hanamaki thinks that maybe he went too far, maybe he should have stopped his mouth, what right he has to say such things, but then Sugawara ducks his head down, mumbles quiet ‘follow me’ and walks away. In daze, Hanamaki stays behind him, preparing to apologize for his inappropriate words.

 

Sugawara hands him a tiny flowerpot with even tinier aloe sitting in the middle of it. “Is this one good?”

 

Hanamaki nods. “Sugawara, I’m-“

 

“You’re right. No need to say sorry,” he smiles and Hanamaki is relieved like never in his life.

 

“I will take this one.”

 

 

**

 

The silence is digging a hole into Hanamaki’s heart. Mattsun has cooked dinner again, after a week of ordering, but he’s still quiet and stiff. Hanamaki would like to believe that time heals all, but he’s slowly losing all hope. He cleans the dishes as always and even though Mattsun normally stays around to chat, he only thanks Hanamaki and heads back to his room, to lock himself away and curl into himself.

 

Hanamaki hates it.

 

It’s almost 1 in the morning when he decides to burst into Mattsun’s small bubble of self pity.

 

He quietly slips into the dark room and into Mattsun’s bed, ignoring his heartbeat quickening up when Mattsun turns to him, without a word, and wraps drags his arm around Hanamaki’s torso.

 

It doesn’t go according to plan, because the words die in Hanamaki’s throat and they end up falling asleep like that, everything left unspoken once more.

 

 

**

 

The next day, after school and work, Hanamaki finds Mattsun in his room, lying in the bed and staring at the wall. Quietly, he sneaks inside and places the aloe on the mattress in front of him. Mattsun jerks his head to look at him, eyes wide.

 

“Surprise!” Hanamaki grins. “This one is alive, I swear.”

 

Mattsun’s eyes fall on the plant and he smiles, little genuine smile. “Thank you.”

 

Hanamaki buries it in his memory for bad times. “Name it.”

 

The other man sits up and holds the aloe in his lap (Hanamaki wishes he had a photo of that). His hair is mess and his skin is paler than usual, but Hanamaki tries not to think about it.

 

“Haru.”

“How original,” Hanamaki laughs, hair falling down his forehead.

 

Mattsun looks up at him. “You should get a haircut.”

 

Hanamaki sighs, long and exaggerative. “I know. I can’t afford it now.”

“I’ll do it. Come on.”

 

 

Hanamaki should be nervous. He should be nervous because he has no idea how far Mattsun’s skills reach, but for some reason, he isn’t. He sits on the chair, relaxed and calm as his flatmate moves really sharp object around his head and it’s not a big deals. He realises that he didn’t even tell Mattsun what haircut he wants, however even that doesn’t scare him. He quite enjoys it to be honest – he enjoys seeing the focused look on Mattsun’s face and how he steps back time from time, to check his work. He enjoys the feel of Mattsun’s fingers in his hair, so gentle he isn’t sure if he’s not only imagining them there.

 

Once Mattsun is done, he brushes the fallen hair down from Hanamaki’s shoulders. Hanamaki gazes up at him, a smile finding its way to his lips when he finds Mattsun looking down at him.

 

“Are you finished?” Hanamaki asks, just in case.

 

The man nods. “About the payment..”

 

 _Right_. He cannot expect Mattsun to work for free, even though he’s his friend. “I can-“

 

He is cut off in the best of ways. Hanamaki knows it’s most likely an impulsive decision, but Mattsun _kisses_ him. It’s real and Hanamaki isn’t imagining it, isn’t debating whenever it happened or not while he was drunk – it’s happening. Hanamaki’s brain shuts down and he’s wrapping his arms around Mattsun’s neck, holding him in place if he suddenly changes his mind (and Hanamaki is secretly really worried he will).

 

But, for a good while, he doesn’t. It’s almost natural how easy this is, kissing Mattsun in the middle of their kitchen. It’s almost like they’ve done it at least a million times, especially with the way Mattsun’s fingers stroke Hanamaki’s burning cheeks.

 

It’s only when they pull apart, gasping for air, that Hanamaki fully realises it. This is _Mattsun. His friend. His flatmate._

 

Mattsun looks as stunned as Hanamaki feels. Neither of them says anything; they just gaze at each other, lips red, eyes dazed, breathing heavy and heartbeats fast.

 

There’s a great possibility that this was a big mistake, there’s a possibility that Mattsun really did this impulsively and he will regret it in a second. There is a great possibility that Mattsun is simply trying to drown his sorrow somewhere else.

 

The black-haired man closes his eyes and breathes out, the hot air hitting Hanamaki’s skin.

 

There are many possibilities and Hanamaki is scared of most of them.

 

When Mattsun opens his eyes again, his expression is unreadable, even for Hanamaki. He straightens up and his eyes are everywhere but on Hanamaki.

 

“You should go wash it,” Mattsun says, his tone light.

 

Hanamaki nods and makes his way to the bathroom, too shocked to say anything. His body works purely on its own, because his mind it too full, too worried. He doesn’t come back to help clean the mess – he stays in the bathroom until his hair is dry. It’s not his typical cut. The hair on the sides of his head is shorter than the top ever so slightly, and while it’s not something he would ask for, he actually likes it.

 

He doesn’t have to find Mattsun – he finds Hanamaki first.

 

“What do you think? I thought it would suit you.”

 

Hanamaki turns to face him and, much to his surprise, it’s the Mattsun he’s used to. There isn’t a single trace of confusion, discomfort or surprise on his face whatsoever. It’s like it never happened.

 

“I like it,” Hanamaki replies truthfully as he looks away. He is aware his emotions are showing now and while normally he wouldn’t mind it around Mattsun, he refuses to let Mattsun know how he feels if the other man doesn’t do the same.

 

“I’m glad. I will take Pancake out today,” Mattsun says and just like that, he’s gone.

 

Hanamaki knows Mattsun isn’t one to play games. And yet, he feels so betrayed and hurt, only because Mattsun didn’t say a _single_ _word_ about their kiss. Not a ‘sorry’, not a ‘maybe we should talk’, not a ‘Hiro, we should forget this happened’, _nothing_.

 

Silence is way crueller than words, Hanamaki learns as he rubs his lips and brushes his teeth to get the taste of Mattsun off. It doesn’t really help.

 

 

**

 

The next day comes and nothing changes. Mattsun speaks and acts just like he did before and it leaves bitter feelings in Hanamaki’s chest.

 

**

 

Hanamaki arrives home in terrible mood. That’s why he puts the groceries away as fast as he can and storms to his room, curling up in the safety of his bed. Mattsun comes about ten minutes later, Hanamaki feels him sitting on the mattress and he curses himself for being so loud.

 

“Hey.”

 

Hanamaki huffs.

 

“Bad day?”

 

Hanamaki nods and pulls the cover more over himself, gripping it tightly.

 

“Want to talk about it?”

 

He shakes head, hoping it’s visible for Mattsun.

 

“Want to talk about it with some candy?”

 

Another disagreement.

 

“Want some candy and sulk until I make you dinner?”

 

Hanamaki gives up, Mattsun is too perfect, and who says ‘I make you dinner’? Not us, _you_. “Please.”

 

 

 

**

 

 

“So, what happened?” Mattsun asks when they’re eating chocolate bars in Hanamaki’s bed. It’s funny how his bed is used as a sofa just like Iwaizumi's was.

 

“Bad day at work. I got yelled at.”

 

Mattsun frowns. “Why?”

 

Hanamaki sighs. He really doesn’t want to recall the whole incident of breaking the machine and his manager shouting at him in front of everyone. He briefly informs Mattsun, leaving out his urge to cry just remembering it.

 

Mattsun hums and wraps his arm around Hanamaki’s shoulders. “Things happen. It will be okay.”

 

Hanamaki nods and wonders since when they shifted back to Mattsun soothing him. He looks at him and just when he thinks they’re back to normal now, Mattsun leans closer and kisses him again.

 

Hanamaki knows he should pull away. He knows he’s spent the last two days being miserable because he needs answers he isn’t getting.

 

He knows he shouldn’t, but when had Hanamaki ever listened to anyone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'll probably be posting randomly from now on just to get this over with because I've lost all my motivation to continue this (again, how original, I know)


	12. Chapter 12

“Pancake, sit.” Nothing happens. The dog continues standing, his head tilted as he watches Hanamaki. Hanamaki sighs and waves the treat. “Come on, I bet it’s yummy.”

 

The sounds of Hanamaki’s pathetic groans lure Mattsun out of his room into Hanamaki’s bedroom. “What’s going on here?”

 

“He won’t sit,” Hanamaki complains from the floor where he’s sitting. He slaps his thighs hopelessly.

 

“I see,” Mattsun murmurs and kneels beside Hanamaki, gently taking the dog cookie from his hand. Even the slightest touch leaves Hanamaki longing for more.

 

Mattsun reaches out and lets Pancake sniff the treat, once, twice, before he holds it above his head. “Sit.”

 

It might be magic, but Pancake does as he’s told and then happily receives his treat. Hanamaki sighs, already given up. At this point, Pancake listens more to Mattsun than him. He has all the right words and all the right moves and it drives Hanamaki crazy.

 

“Good boy,” Mattsun smiles and pets the dog. “See, it’s not that hard. You have to kind of force him at first.”

 

Hanamaki nods and gets up. Mattsun looks up at him, the smile still visible on his lips. “Weren’t you supposed to go out tonight?”

 

Caught out. Hanamaki’s hand moves on its own to the back of his neck as he tries to come up with an excuse that wouldn’t be obvious to Mattsun.

 

“Yeah, but that got cancelled.”

“Oh.”

 

A warm hand tugs on the sleeve of Hanamaki’s sweater and he gives in easily, letting himself to be pushed back on the floor, between Mattsun’s legs. With a pleased sigh, he leans against the broad chest and closes his eyes. It’s his favourite position, Mattsun’s warmth behind him, his strong limbs wrapped around Hanamaki’s body while he rests his chin on Hanamaki’s shoulder.

 

Lately, Hanamaki notices himself changing. He’s not sure if it’s good or bad, but it’s there.

 

He notices it when he talks with Iwaizumi and he leaves out parts of the events he’s talking about. It’s noticeable when he’s with Oikawa and he’s careful with his words as never. Hanamaki has never been one to hide things from his friends – and yet, there he was, locked on the toilet with phone pressed to his ear, clutched in his hands, longing to go home already. And yet, there he was, guiltily postponing going out with his friends again and again just to keep the little secret for a little longer.

 

Hanamaki is aware that Oikawa suspects something and he is aware that Iwaizumi asks more questions, more captious questions. He becomes more self-conscious every time they look at him, like they could count how many kisses Mattsun has stolen from him, like they could count how many times Hanamaki’s hand found Mattsun’s in the darkness of their flat.

 

He knows that sooner or later, his friends will be able to see right through him. He prefers the _later_.

 

He knows he’s been missing out – he only found out that Sugawara and Sawamura are finally a thing when Oikawa casually mentioned it earlier that day. He knows he’s distancing himself, slowly but steadily.

 

Hanamaki didn’t mean to. And then again, that might be lie.

 

Ever since he’s met him, he been just one step from the edge, waiting to be pushed over it. Hanamaki tries his best not to let it show, but the truth is simple. There’s no point in denying it, really. It’s easy to let himself be taken by the wave. To be dragged into a storm, drowned in the tsunami that love is. Maybe it’s so easy because he doesn’t fight it.

 

It’s almost selfish what he feels. He lets the emotions wash over his brain and during nights like this, he’s sure of one thing. It doesn’t matter where he’s from, what he’s done, what people say - Hanamaki is in love with Matsukawa Issei and everything that he is. Every dark hair, every little scar his clothes might be hiding, every genuine laugh and every broken sob. Hanamaki wants it all.

 

And yet, he doesn’t feel like it’s offered to him, although he is completely in Mattsun’s mercy.

 

“I just realised, you never make coffee at home,” Mattsun says quietly. He shifts behind Hanamaki and then presses his cheek against Hanamaki’s shoulder blade.

 

Hanamaki chuckles, making both of them shake a little. “Well, why would I. You don’t do your work at home either.”

 

“Excuse me? I do. I take care of Pancake and I cut your hair.”

 

Hanamaki blushes at the memory; thankfully Mattsun cannot see his face when they’re like this. “Okay, yeah.”

 

“So,” the other man continues, his hand drawing lazy circles on his chest, the touch sending pleasant shivers down Hanamaki’s spine, “You should make me some before I fall asleep right here, right now.”

 

Hanamaki turns his head to catch at least a hint of Mattsun’s face buried in his sweater. “You should rest, not drink coffee.”

 

Silence. And then, deep, overdramatic voice. “That’s exactly what they would have said.”

 

Hanamaki masks his laughter with a sigh and pushes himself out of Mattsun’s grip. “Black, extra sugar?”

 

Mattsun grins up at him, showing his perfect white teeth, nodding.

 

 

Hanamaki likes to think that he still has free will, even though it doesn’t always feel like it. Sometimes, it’s like a spell was casted on him and all he can do is obey.

 

While he waits for the water to boil, he turns the radio on, quietly humming along. He waits, it should be any second now – and yeah, Mattsun doesn’t disappoint and he follows Hanamaki to the kitchen just moments later. Over the past few days, Hanamaki has learnt another thing about him; he gets the words bad on purpose. Hanamaki isn’t sure why it took him so long to realise this, Mattsun’s English isn’t bad at all, so it makes sense.

 

He doesn’t do it this time, however.

 

“ _Lights will guide you home..”_

_“.._ _And ignite your bones“_

 

The last words of the chorus are sung by the two of them at the same time and before Hanamaki realises it, they’re dancing to the melody, even though they both suck at it – Hanamaki already knows this thanks to that party where he first had the pleasure to dance with Matsukawa Issei.

 

_“When you’re too in love to let it go.”_

 

Hanamaki stiffens and pulls away, just in time to get the boiling water. His hands are trembling as he finishes Mattsun’s coffee, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest.

 

“It’s delicious,” Mattsun comments and even the small compliment makes Hanamaki feel warmer because it’s Mattsun who said it.

 

Hanamaki thinks this happened because Mattsun is so different from his ex boyfriends. He’s always considerate with Hanamaki, always gentle with him. Maybe it’s what Hanamaki needed all along. But then again, Mattsun isn’t his boyfriend. Hanamaki doesn’t like to over think it; all the questions and unknown make his head heavy. He wants to stay in the ignorant bliss just for little longer, just a little while longer.

 

“It better be when I was forced to make it.”

“Why are you always so bitter, Hiro?”

 

Mattsun jumps up on the counter, holding the mug in his hands as he gazes down at Hanamaki. Hanamaki pretends not to notice it and settles beside him. It’s nights like this one, when they’re hanging out in their pyjamas and fluffy socks, when Mattsun doesn’t control himself like he does on public, that Hanamaki finds him the most beautiful.

 

“Because you’re _so_ sweet,” Hanamaki replies, his tone clearly sarcastic, but that doesn’t stop the slight blush from appearing on Mattsun’s cheeks. Hanamaki knows he knows.

 

He isn’t sure who leans in first, perhaps it was both of them, however the warm lips are against Hanamaki’s own again. His eyes close automatically and he can hear the mug being placed down before Mattsun’s hands sneak up his arms, curling around his neck and resting in his hair. Hanamaki can’t help but smile, his own palms pressed against Mattsun’s chest. The feeling of Mattsun’s heartbeat calms him down somehow, even though it isn’t as fast as his own.

 

Mattsun grips his hair gently, pulling him closer until Hanamaki isn’t sure where he ends and Mattsun begins. He’s the first one to break the kiss, Mattsun’s lips chasing after him when he does and making him laugh a little at his eagerness.

 

“I thought you didn’t like bitter things,” he mutters and Mattsun chuckles as well, his eyes still closed as he pushes his forehead against Hanamaki’s.

 

“I don’t,” he whispers back.

 

His grip loosens until he fully lets go and his hands wander down Hanamaki’s chest.

 

“Don’t you dare-“ Hanamaki breathes out, seconds too late. He bursts into embarrassing giggles when Mattsun’s fingers move over his torso. Mattsun already knows all the places where Hanamaki is ticklish. Hanamaki squirms and yelps until he manages to grab Mattsun’s hands in his own, breathing heavily.  Mattsun laughs at him, of course he does.

 

 It’s only during nights like this one when he gets to see the cute little dimple in his cheek when he laughs.

 

“Why do you always tickle me?” Hanamaki pouts, looking anywhere but at Mattsun.

 

The man shrugs, wiggling his wrists till Hanamaki loosens his grip; he doesn’t let go though. He turns his fingertips over Hanamaki’s palms, small gentle touches. “I like it,” he states simply.

 

Hanamaki sighs and drops his head on Mattsun’s shoulder, inhaling his scent. “That’s not a valid reason.”

 

Mattsun abandons Hanamaki’s hands and strokes his back instead. Hanamaki uses the situation to wrap his arms around Mattsun’s waist. He feels himself getting sleepy and after few minutes, he can’t stop the quiet yawn from escaping his lips.

 

“Wanna go to sleep?” Mattsun asks, his hands slowly trailing down his back and then they slip under his sweater, running finger up and down his spine over his t-shirt.

 

“No,” Hanamaki murmurs, “I still have to take Pancake out. And you better finish that coffee I had to make.”

 

Mattsun chuckles. “Okay, okay.”

 

He doesn’t let go though, at least not until Hanamaki makes the first, painful step and pulls himself away from Mattsun’s body. He jumps down the counter, stretching out his numb limbs. “Can I borrow your jacket? I left mine at work.”

 

The black-haired man nods, smiling a little as he reaches for the mug full of now probably cold coffee.

 

Hanamaki has to mentally drag himself away in order to find Pancake and announce they’re going for a walk. He doesn’t want to, not at all, but maybe fresh air will help him to clear his head.

 

Pancake doesn’t seem to be in mood either, Hanamaki has to persuade him the whole time they’re outside. With a sigh, he slips further in the jacket. It smells like Mattsun, his perfume and something that’s completely his own scent. He shoves his hands into the pockets, only to find what he wishes he didn’t.

 

“Issei?” he calls once he steps back into the flat.

 

When there’s no reply, he gives Pancake his treat and kicks his shoes off, practically running to the kitchen. Mattsun is still there, Hanamaki’s phone in his hand, but Hanamaki brushes that off – he’s changing his name in the contacts again, Hanamaki knows.

 

“Can you explain?” he asks, maybe a bit too harshly, because when Mattsun turns to him, there’s an expression Hanamaki can’t quite read on his face.

 

“Explain?” Mattsun repeats, carefully, as he looks at the box of cigarettes in Hanamaki’s hand.

 

“Yes,” Hanamaki breathes out. “Explain.”

 

The man doesn’t say a word, he just watches Hanamaki. But Hanamaki isn’t made of steel and his patience isn’t endless. “I assume this is yours,” he snaps.

 

“Yes.”

“Right.”

 

Hanamaki gazes at the box, slightly squeezing it between his cold fingers.

 

“Hiro, what’s the big deal?”

 

In all honestly, Hanamaki doesn’t know either. But he’s mad, god he’s so mad, for whatever reason. Maybe’s it because Mattsun didn’t tell him anything about smoking, maybe it’s because he’s worried about his health, maybe..

 

Maybe it’s because Mattsun has something in common with the bad guys, with the assholes, with .. With Hanamaki’s exes.

 

He throws the box at Mattsun and storms to his room, slamming the door after him (and immediately apologizes to their neighbours in his head). Mattsun enters the room only a minute later, the stupid box in his hand. “Hiro?”

 

Hanamaki sighs and slumps on the bed, holding his pillow against his face. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

 

He feels the mattress sag under Mattsun’s weight as he sits beside Hanamaki, his hand sneaking over Hanamaki’s. “What is this about?” he asks softly.

 

Hanamaki doesn’t trust his voice, not when Mattsun is this close and he is _this_ close to crying. Mattsun doesn’t give up, however. “I will throw them away and never buy new ones if it bothers you. It’s not like I’m smoker. It’s just .. When I’m stressed sometimes.”

 

That’s enough for Hanamaki to calm down after his childish tantrum. He pushes the pillow away to find Mattsun smiling at him as he reaches out to stroke Hanamaki’s cheek.

 

“Deal,” Hanamaki sighs.

“Deal.”

 

 

It’s nights like this one, when Mattsun stays in his room and they talk until they fall asleep, squeezed on Hanamaki’s bed, limbs tangled together, that Hanamaki wonders if this ever changes. He knows it all could go wrong any second, but on nights like, it doesn’t feel like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk where's the plot in this chapter, lol


	13. Chapter 13

Hanamaki has already been waiting for twenty minutes, which is weird considering the fact Iwaizumi is always early (according to the story, Iwaizumi started going everywhere early when they were kids only to be able to scold Oikawa because he had to wait). Today, however, Hanamaki sits in the cafeteria and he has enough time to wonder why exactly he spends so much time here when he works in coffee shop – he should be avoiding these cursed places.

 

To be fair, it took quite a lot of suasion to get Hanamaki to agree to go out.

 

Because, truth to be told, he already misses Mattsun and it’s been only an hour since he left home – after a quick goodbye kiss that didn’t help at all and for a second, Hanamaki  seriously thought about sneaking out of this. The responsible side of Hanamaki knows better, however, and thank god for that. Hanamaki isn’t sure if he can handle more guilt building in his gut each time he rejects his friends. So, there he is, ready to hang out with his friend who is _terribly_ late by now. Hanamaki is one step away from starting worrying when Iwaizumi rushes inside.

 

It takes a moment before Hanamaki notices what exactly is wrong with him – it’s most likely the purple bruise forming on his cheek.

 

“What the hell happened?” he asks instead of greetings when Iwaizumi reaches their typical table.

 

The man slumps down and unbuttons his coat, frown on his face. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

That means Hanamaki has to ask directly. He knows; he’s spent too much time with Iwaizumi not to know this.

 

“Did you get into a fight?”

“No.”

“Was it Oikawa?”

 

Iwaizumi’s face relaxes as he genuinely laughs, although Hanamaki doesn’t find his question funny. He first handed witnessed just how much strength Oikawa’s lean body holds when he once started choking and Oikawa tried to help.

 

“No. But it’s his fault, yeah.”

“Did you protect him again?”

“Kinda,” Iwaizumi says, the grumpy expression back.

 

A waitress interrupts their conversion to take their orders and then quickly leaves. “So?”

 

In the next minute, Hanamaki learns that, long story short, today was the day of practice match between their university and another one. Oikawa came to support Iwaizumi, as always, and when first years were able to play as well, one spike went wrong and straight towards Oikawa. Iwaizumi heroically saved his boyfriend from the ball and earned a beautiful bruise along with Oikawa’s gratitude in the process.

 

Hanamaki laughs. “Dude, it’s Oikawa. I’ve seen his plays, he would most likely set the ball even in his sleep.”

 

Iwaizumi scowls, tiny wrinkles forming on his forehead as he mutters under his breath. “I know.”

 

 

**

 

The afternoon is nice, Hanamaki cannot lie. He likes Iwaizumi and he likes spending time with him, but the second he steps into the familiar building, the second he presses the button in the lift, the second he turns his key and opens the door – there’s nothing more exciting. His whole body is tingling, hands sweating and knees going weak.

 

Of course, Hanamaki wouldn’t admit this. Not even if he was paid to do it, because Hanamaki is too cool to be a fool in love. Or, at least he likes to think that.

 

He finds Mattsun in the kitchen, watering the aloe Hanamaki has given him three weeks ago. “Don’t overdo it,” he comments and laughs as it startles Mattsun.

 

The man spins on his heel to face Hanamaki, his shocked expression quickly changing into a smirk. “Sorry, you’re so small I didn’t even see you over there.”

 

Hanamaki gasps and steps closer in order to slap Mattsun’s arm. “It’s only three centimetres! _We’ve talked about this.”_

 

It’s Mattsun’s turn to laugh as he sets the plant on the counter. “Minako is out with Pancake.”

 

“Why didn’t you go when you’re home?” Hanamaki raises his eyebrows.

“I was lazy.”

 

Hanamaki shakes head, but chuckles anyway, because that’s _so Mattsun._

 

“ _And_ ,”

“And?”

“And I cooked you dinner today, so I needed time to prepare.”

 

That explains the delicious smell, Hanamaki thinks. He feels himself start to blush so he excuses himself and rushes to his bedroom to get changed. He’s deciding whenever to put on pyjama right away or just go for normal t-shirt when there’s a knock on the opened door – Hanamaki barely ever closes them, strangely enough.

 

“How was it?” Mattsun asks, softly, as he leans his shoulder against the wall.

 

“How w-was what?” Hanamaki shutters. Damn Mattsun.

 

“Hanging out with Iwaizumi,” Mattsun replies, like it’s obvious. And, to be honest, it kind of is when Hanamaki gives it a second thought.

 

Hanamaki throws on the first t-shirt he finds in the closet and turns to Mattsun, who nods in approval. “Brings out the colour of your eyes,” he says and Hanamaki blushes _again_ , even though it’s a cheesy line Mattsun recites from one of these terrible dramas they sometimes watch.

 

“Issei, oh my god,” Hanamaki groans and Mattsun laughs. “It was fun, hanging out with Iwaizumi, I mean.”

 

“Sometimes he scares me,” Mattsun says thoughtfully.

“Why?”

“It’s the look..”

“Oh, right. Yeah, he has that ‘I know what you did in the dark’ look,” Hanamaki nods as he walks past Mattsun.

 

“What did you do in the dark, Hiro?” the black-haired man asks, voice so deep Hanamaki almost forgets this is part of his teasing.

 

“Not you,” Hanamaki replies and sticks his tongue out before he walks to the kitchen. Mattsun laughs behind him.

 

**

 

Hanamaki’s gaze falls on the table in front of him after the fifth eye contact during one dinner. He finishes his meal, the delicious meal, and jumps up from his seat, ready to take care of the dishes. It’s an unspoken agreement, when Mattsun cooks, Hanamaki cleans up. It works most of the nights without a problem, but sometimes, Mattsun likes to help, just like tonight.

 

Hanamaki has grown used to living with Mattsun, love it, even. He still misses Oikawa and Iwaizumi, especially when he’s left alone in his room, but to be honest, he cannot imagine living without Mattsun anymore.

 

It feels right, somehow.

 

 

**

 

“Can you at least reply?” Mattsun murmur against Hanamaki’s ear.

 

With a sigh, Hanamaki reaches for the phone lying on his bed and unlocks it to see five new messages from Oikawa.

 

It’s a rainy Sunday, and that’s an amazing excuse to spend the day like this – on the floor in Hanamaki’s room, sitting on Mattsun’s lap, chest against chest, his head on Mattsun’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of him. Mattsun has been playing on his phone for a while now, commenting it the whole time; each point he scored, each time his character died, each time he reached new level. Hanamaki won’t lie; his eyes are closed the whole time, not quite asleep but not exactly awake either.

 

It’s the stupid phone that ruins it.

 

He’s asking Hanamaki to join him and Iwaizumi tonight, and while some weeks ago, Hanamaki would already be on his way, today he’s not up for it, as selfish as it is. He replies with a quick apology and excuse that he’s not feeling well, which is almost true.

 

He settles the phone beside them and closes his eyes again when Mattsun speaks up. “You’re such a loser, you know?”

 

Hanamaki snorts. “Where is this coming from?”

“You’re never going out, are you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Once in a year? Only during night? During solar eclipse?”

“Right, yeah, smartass. Because I’m a vampire.”

“Oh no,” Mattsun calls out, although his tone stays flat. “Will you bite me?”

“If you ask nicely.”

 

The taller man laughs at this and Hanamaki is proud; he is proud every time he makes Mattsun laugh out loud. His phone vibrates again, but Hanamaki doesn’t bother – it’s Oikawa complaining just like the last time.

 

After at least half an hour of silence, Mattsun say, out of nowhere: “I spoke to my mom.”

 

“Yeah? About?”

“Pancake. I think he might be older than what we first thought.”

 

Hanamaki frowns and looks at the dog curled not far away from them, peacefully sleeping. “How old?”

 

“About over a year. I mean, I did some research and ever since you have him and he is well fed and all, he grows incredibly fast, so maybe he was just slowed down because of the lack of care.”

 

The scowl on Hanamaki’s face deepens when he remembers it. He reaches out and pets Pancake, his fingers gently combing through the white fur. Then he realises just what Mattsun has said. “You did that in your free time?”

 

“Well .. Yeah .. I mean, he’s almost like mine, I mean, I feel like it .. and .. yeah.”

 

Hanamaki pulls away slightly, just enough to see how flushed Mattsun is with his own eyes. It’s a great sight, truly, because Mattsun usually never blushes, unlike Hanamaki. “Thank you. But honestly, does his age matter that much?”

 

“No, not that much.”

 

Hanamaki nods and runs his fingers over Mattsun’s neck, the smooth skin warm under his touch. “Say, Issei, will you become a vet as well?” He knows it’s still a touchy subject, but the words roll off his tongue before he can stop them.

 

The man shrugs slightly and Hanamaki shifts a tiny bit closer to Mattsun’s body. “You would be great vet, I think.”

 

Mattsun chuckles and shrugs again. “Who knows.”

 

Hanamaki knows what he truly wants to say – that’s he’s not good enough for it, not suited for this. But in Hanamaki’s eyes, that’s a big fat lie, because he’s seen Mattsun work, he’s seen him study during the nights to be more helpful at the clinic. And of course, he’s seen him with animals.

 

“I know,” he says, a bold statement that hangs in the air for what seems forever.

 

He hears Mattsun place his phone down and then his arms sneak around Hanamaki’s waist, his palms moving up and down. “Thanks, Hiro,” Mattsun whispers and then there’s the cold touch on his skin where his t-shirt was lifted up.

 

Hanamaki is glad he cannot see himself, because he is pretty sure that he’s looking at Mattsun disgustingly lovingly and honestly, that scares him to death. “No need to.”

 

Mattsun kisses him, gently and slowly, because they have all the time in this world. Or at least Hanamaki feels like it until Pancake barks beside them and they break away laughing.

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki doesn’t know what he’s expected when he dashed to open the door. Maybe one of their neighbours to scold him for being too loud when they sang along earlier, or someone asking for sugar (that happens in TV all the time). What he didn’t expect to see was Oikawa in his fancy coat and shoes (that Iwaizumi picked) and Iwaizumi by his side.

 

His gaze slides from Oikawa to Iwaizumi and back and forth, while the two of them stare holes into him. After a long enough silence, Mattsun joins them and Hanamaki is forced to speak up.

 

“So, what are you guys doing here?” he tries to sound cheerfully, but his voice is all choked up.

 

Oikawa looks both Mattsun and Hanamaki up and down, not really worrying if it’s obvious, before he speaks up. “Makki, it looks like you’re feeling better.”

 

Hanamaki chews on his bottom lip to stop himself from sighing. He lets Oikawa have his little revenge, because honestly, he deserves it – Hanamaki has been acting like an asshole.

 

He feels Mattsun’s eyes on him. “I am,” he replies. “Are you coming inside?”

 

Iwaizumi nods and drags Oikawa inside the second Hanamaki and Mattsun move to give them enough space. While they’re taking their shoes and coats off, Mattsun leans to him and murmurs: “You weren’t feeling well? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Hanamaki _does_ sigh this time. “I’m sorry, didn’t want you to worry.”

 

“Well, of course I worry about you,” Mattsun says and pokes Hanamaki’s sides until he finally giggles like he always does.

 

“I know. Can you leave us for a while?”

“Sure thing. You know what, I will take Pancake out.”

“Thanks.”

“You owe me for it, of course,” Mattsun winks at him before he grabs his jacket and turns to Hanamaki’s friends. “Make yourself at home.”

 

 

**

 

The guilt is eating him up now. Every time he tries to face Oikawa or Iwaizumi, he must look away. He should have seen this coming, really. “I’m sorry.”

 

It’s Iwaizumi who breaks the tension first, slamming his palm against Hanamaki’s back and it _burns_. “Why didn’t you just tell us the truth in the first place? We wouldn’t mind if you said you wanted to hang out with Mattsun instead.”

 

“I didn’t want you guys to feel like I’m ditching you for Mattsun.”

“That’s exactly what you’ve been doing,” Oikawa deadpans.

“Like I said, we wouldn’t mind if you said so. But we were actually worried, you know. Worried that maybe something bad was going on here. “

“I wouldn’t be surprised, especially with your bad taste in guys,” Oikawa joins in.

 

Hanamaki rubs the back of his neck, trying to get the right words together. “Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. And, for a record, Mattsun is a nice guy, so don’t be worried about that.”

 

The mood suddenly lightens up. “So there is something going on!” Oikawa calls.

“No,” Hanamaki lies, _again_ , god knows why.

 

**

 

It turns out that Hanamaki _can_ have it all, without much stress. He can hang out with his friends _and_ Mattsun, because they do get along really well (how could he forget this, that’s a mystery). They watch a movie that both Iwaizumi and Mattsun apparently love while neither Oikawa nor Hanamaki have ever seen it.

It’s a ‘ _oh, there it comes’_ or ‘ _that’s the best part, are you watching’_ from them the whole time, but Hanamaki doesn’t mind, not when Mattsun’s fingers are drawing random sings on his palm in the darkness of Hanamaki’s room.

 

And then Oikawa catches them. Although he says nothing, Hanamaki knows he’s seen it.

 

It’s times like this, when he is suddenly reminded just what is going on.  Brought back to reality, reminded that friends don’t do this.

 

 

 

By the time the movie ends, there’s a storm outside, heavy rain dancing on the streets. “You guys can stay over if you want to,” Mattsun says as he looks out of the window.

 

Hanamaki agrees, expect- “Where would they sleep?”

 

Mattsun turns to him, his face calm. “They could take my bed and we will share yours like we usually do.”

 

The blood goes cold in Hanamaki’s veins and he doesn’t have to look to know both Oikawa and Iwaizumi are staring at him. His breathing speeds up and he isn’t sure _why_ he’s panicking. _Why_ he doesn’t want his friends, _his best friends_ , to know the truth.

 

Perhaps it’s because he and Mattsun are living together and they are friends, _only friends_.

 

However, he cannot help himself. He cannot stop his hands from reaching out towards Mattsun, cannot stop his lips from parting and waiting each time Mattsun leans close. Deep down, Hanamaki knows it all along. He knows this would be weird if it was Oikawa or Iwaizumi in Mattsun’s place; they _are_ more than just friends.

 

But-

 

That was never stated.

 

He nods quietly and lets Mattsun take Oikawa and Iwaizumi to his room while Hanamaki takes off his t-shirt, furiously throwing it on his chair. They should be more than friends, _they should be_ , but they aren’t, because Mattsun has never said anything and Hanamaki is too scared of being rejected and ruining whatever they have.

 

It makes him so angry, drives him mad, take all his control away.

 

He doesn’t manage to put on his pyjama before Mattsun returns because his fingers are shaking and he’s on the edge of crying. Why does he have to be the angry crier? He hears the door close, but he doesn’t turn around, not even when Mattsun walks to him and places one cold hand on his bare back.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

That’s all it takes for Hanamaki to shake him off and face him, finally. “This isn’t what friends do, Issei!”

 

The other man looks at him confused and honestly, that only pissed Hanamaki off more. “Yeah, we-“

 

“Friends don’t do _this_! They don’t kiss or cuddle or share bed- Basically anything what we do!” Hanamaki raises his voice, close to yelling now.

 

They have never fought or argued. Mattsun is obviously shaken by this chance and he takes a step back, his gaze not leaving Hanamaki’s. “I know that friends don’t do those things, but-“

 

“We are friends!” Hanamaki shouts this time, realising it a second too late. Iwaizumi and Oikawa must have heard.

 

Mattsun takes another step back and then _another, and then another,_ until his back hits the closed door. “Oh. I-“ he laughs, quiet and entirely fake. “I guess I made a fool of myself, didn’t I?”

 

He points between the two of them hopelessly before he drops his arm to let it hang by his side. “I’ve always thought-“ Another laugh that tears Hanamaki’s heart apart, but he doesn’t back off, not now.

 

Mattsun might be taller than Hanamaki, by whole three annoying centimetres, but right now he looks so vulnerable, so _small_. “We can talk in the morning .. _If you want_.”

 

 

 

And just like that, he walks out of the room, out of their flat and out of Hanamaki’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how Makki was aware that things can go wrong any second ? Oh well :D
> 
> (but man he did fuck up)


	14. Chapter 14

And just like that, he walks out of the room, out of their flat and out of Hanamaki’s life.

 

A little overdramatic statement to make, sure, but Hanamaki is honestly _so_ scared it will become true. Well, scared is a weak word to describe how he’s feeling. _Frightened_ is much better.

 

Frightened, because he doesn’t know how Mattsun is truly feeling. If only he gave Hanamaki a hint, even a tiny one, but this was Mattsun – he’s always hidden himself behind lazy smiles and stupid jokes. Hanamaki believed that he peeked out of his hideout when they were together, that the black-haired man opened up to him. But truth to be told, Hanamaki was most likely wrong, because while Mattsun may be an opened book, he remains written in language Hanamaki doesn’t understand.

 

 Frightened, because he doesn’t know what exactly went wrong. It was him, it was Mattsun, it was both of them.

 

But mainly-

 

Frightened because he doesn’t know where Mattsun went and if he’s coming back like he said. The storm outside is calming down, slowly, but it’s still raining and although it’s spring, it’s a cold night. Hanamaki slumps down on the floor, worried about Mattsun’s whereabouts.

 

He hears quiet footsteps, so different from Mattsun’s, before there are two heads peeking in the room. “Are you okay?” Oikawa whispers, even though it’s just them in the flat.

 

Hanamaki shakes head, too dazed and too shocked to do anything else. His friends slip in the room and settle by him.

 

He cannot shake off the sight of Mattsun standing there, right in front of him, and looking so hurt; almost like someone, Hanamaki, punched him right in his pretty face. And now, Hanamaki wants to punch himself, he really does.

 

His friends aren’t really surprised when he finally comes out clean. If anything, they are little hurt that Hanamaki has felt like he couldn’t tell them.

 

“I think it’s all about the ‘ _friends’_ part,” Oikawa comments and Iwaizumi nods in agreement. Hanamaki doesn’t understand, at least not now.

 

 

**

 

It’s 1:25 am.

 

It’s 1:25 am and both Oikawa and Iwaizumi are asleep, curled into each other. Hanamaki feels bad that they stayed there with him, on the cold floor, so he covers them with his duvet and moves to the kitchen as quietly as he can. He makes himself a tea and waits. What for, he isn’t exactly sure.

 

Maybe he waits for Mattsun to return and they both apologize and fall in each other’s arms and become unbreakable. He almost laughs at that image and how naive it is to even imagine that.

 

Maybe he waits for Mattsun to come back and not talk to Hanamaki, giving him a silent treatment that Hanamaki will hate. That seems more possible, more real.

 

Maybe it doesn’t matter and he simply waits for Mattsun.

 

 

 

It’s 3:39 am.

 

It’s 3:39 am and Hanamaki is sitting on the counter, for god knows what reason remembering the first time Mattsun cooked for _him_ , not them.

 

He was so worried that Hanamaki wouldn’t like the food. So worried that he prepared three different dishes, only for Hanamaki, and he himself ate leftovers. Hanamaki found this out later and felt so guilty. The next day, he tried to make something as well to make it up to Mattsun. Needless to say, it looked burned, it _was_ burned, it tasted like rocks with paint and the mess in the kitchen was unimaginable. And still, Mattsun smiled and helped him clean up.

 

 

 

It’s 6:30 am.

 

It’s 6:30 am and Oikawa and Iwaizumi are leaving, going back to the dorm. They courage Hanamaki to call or text them anytime, but Hanamaki already knows he won’t. Strangely enough, they don’t say anything else about the matter and later Hanamaki realises that this is their way of telling him it’s completely up to him this time.

 

Hanamaki also realises just how big coward he is.

 

 

 

**

 

Hanamaki doesn’t know what time it is when he is woken up by a cold touch of fingers on his arm. He looks up sleepily to see Mattsun sitting in front of him, leaning across the table separating them. Hanamaki has never seen his hair this messy, not even right after he’s woken up. Mattsun pulls away once he sees Hanamaki is awake and straightens up, folding his arms on the table like he always does. Hanamaki’s head is heavy when he tries to sit up properly as well and he quickly glances at the clock to see it’s 7:55 am. That means he got only half an hour of sleep, at best.

 

It doesn’t matter, however, not when Mattsun is there again. He rubs his eyes, trying to get the sleepiness away in order to face whatever is coming next. The apology is there, on the tip of his tongue, ready to be said, when he spots the big black sports bag on the floor. The one that Mattsun brought when they were sneaking Pancake out of the campus.

 

Hanamaki’s heart skips a beat or two.

 

His gaze quickly finds Mattsun’s, wordlessly asking for answers. Mattsun doesn’t leave him hanging for long.

 

“I will be staying with my family for a while,” Mattsun says, his voice echoing in the calm flat. His expression is as flat as his tone, his body language giving out nothing. His gaze doesn’t fall down, his hands stay still on the table and his breathing is steady as far as Hanamaki can tell.

 

And Hanamaki?

 

Hanamaki feels like shouting again, because, _sure_ , they had a fight, but is that really a reason to leave Hanamaki? Was it really _so bad_ that Mattsun feels like he cannot stay? If so, Hanamaki didn’t notice.

 

“Why?” he chokes out and at this point, he doesn’t care if Mattsun can read him and Hanamaki cannot. At least one of them has to show _some_ emotion. Any emotion.

 

It’s fair to say that Hanamaki panics. He can’t imagine the place without Mattsun around. He cannot imagine coming home and not finding him reading some book or watching cheesy drama. He can’t possibly imagine not having Mattsun around.

 

He’s always taken him as a matter of course. He always knew that Mattsun will be there. It’s worse than a dagger in the back to think Mattsun won’t be there.

 

“It’s for the best,” Mattsun replies.

“Don’t give me this shit! We can talk it out, we can solve it, there’s no need to be so-“

“Dramatic?” Mattsun asks, a small smile playing on his lips.

 

Hanamaki breathes out instead of an answer, because Mattsun knows him so well already, so what’s the point. “Issei, we-“

 

“Hanamaki.. “

 

Hanamaki feels his heart sinking down in his chest when he hears his fully name instead of his nickname or given name.

 

“The thing is; I want to. I want some space and time apart to think and all that.” And to _heal_ , that doesn’t have to be said to be obvious. Mattsun’s eyes give that away, _finally_. “I need to be away from you for a while to be able to think clearly again.”

 

Hanamaki was never one to give up easily. He’s always fought for what he believed in, even if it got him into trouble, quite a few times. This time, however, it’s different. He doesn’t want to fight Mattsun, he doesn’t want to _hurt_ Mattsun.

 

He slips down into his chair and avoids looking at Mattsun, because he doesn’t want to be seen as the weak one here. It’s his childish pride again, he knows.

 

His thoughts are terribly messy by now, and he doesn’t know what to focus on first. The fact Mattsun wants space, the fact he’s finally opened up a little bit, the fact Hanamaki loves him,..

 

Hanamaki wishes this happened differently. He wishes he could be happy that Mattsun has done that – he has let Hanamaki see him vulnerable. That he placed all the cards on the table.

 

And then there’s Hanamaki, who guiltily stocks them all in his sleeves. It’s playing dirty and it’s not fair and yet, Hanamaki can’t help himself. He’s still scared, scared what Mattsun thinks about him, how he feels about him, how would he react if-

 

“O-okay,” Hanamaki says at last.

 

Mattsun nods, almost thankfully, and gets up, picking the bag up and throwing it over his shoulder easily. “I promise we will talk once we have it all,” he points between the two of them, “sorted out.”

 

“Okay,” Hanamaki repeats himself.

 

His body aches to stop Mattsun, but sadly enough, Mattsun deserves to get what he wants. He stays still, like he’s glued on the kitchen chair while Mattsun makes his way towards the door. He hears him call that Hanamaki can text him if there’s something wrong.

 

Just after the door shut, he grabs his phone from the table, opening the last conversation and typing a quick ‘I miss you’. He almost sends it, but then he notices the name of the contact – Matsukawa Issei. No dirty jokes made used emojis, no lines from anime or dramas. No stupid or odd nicknames.

 

Just a simple name.

 

Hanamaki closes the app, the words staying there unsent. After all, it was never his intention to send them to _Matsukawa Issei._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to gift this chapter to my daughter who wanted it out as soon as possible :D
> 
> It's shorter than usual, but angsty, so I figured it wouldn't matter that much


	15. Chapter 15

Hanamaki stares in the chocolate eyes, chewing on his bottom lip out of boredom. He wonders how could possibly someone bet _this_ pretty from _this_ close. The man in front of him manages that just fine, somehow. Well, better than _just fine,_ Hanamaki has to admit. His hair falls into his forehead in the most delicate way and his pale face seems to be soft to touch. It’s unfair to normal people, like Hanamaki is, who have to use all kinds of different products to get even close to that perfect skin.

 

The man, however, has more troubles than Hanamaki to hold his gaze and not look away. After all, Hanamaki isn’t a multiple champion for no reason.

 

“Oikawa, just man up and admit your loss already,” Iwaizumi mutters somewhere from behind Hanamaki, “It’s your turn to get us drinks.”

 

Oikawa, clearly annoyed, looks up at his boyfriend and starts his complaining. “Great, Iwa-chan, really. _I_ _could have won_.” He gets up and frees the seat for another person ready to challenge Hanamaki.

 

It’s not exactly a party, but more of a big meet-up that’s always held at the campus after the exams are done.

 

No one is getting drunk, the music is only loud enough to be heard through the community room and the hall, and it’s more about chatting and playing stupid games. The staring contest is one of them and so far, no one has beaten Hanamaki. The line in front of the table is slowly getting shorter and Hanamaki is now pretty sure the victory will be his. After it’s done, the table will be used for an arm wrestling competition, which is highly awaited for two reasons. First, all the buff guys can settle their things, and second, it’s a great biceps show. All the contestants agree to this just by signing and none of them really mind showing their guns off. None of the onlookers mind either.

 

Hanamaki is surprised to see Sugawara sit across him, a gentle smile on his face as he greets him. “Long time no see, Hanamaki.”

 

“Yeah, how are you doing? I’ve heard some things.”

 

The silver haired man chuckles and nods; his smile quickly turning into a cheeky smirk. “I’m good. I forgot to thank you for your little push. However, today I’m here to beat you and then watch the all the muscles as a victor.”

 

Hanamaki snickers when he’s reminded that although Sugawara looks like an angel, he’s a little shit just like Oikawa. Maybe even worse. It takes longer than usually, but Hanamaki does beat Sugawara in the end. The man congratulates Hanamaki and then leans closer to him and whispers: “Never mind. I’m sure it will be made up to me tonight anyway.”

 

Hanamaki gasps but gives Sugawara two thumbs up. He is glad that there are people who worked their shit out unlike someone – himself.

 

It’s been eight days now, however Hanamaki received neither messages nor calls, and he is still the only one to walk through their door.

 

The first day, Hanamaki held himself together. He told himself that his friend, no matter how bitter the word is for him now, would be back soon. He went to bed and expected Mattsun to be there in the morning again.

 

His expectations died and he buried them deep the second night he had to spend alone. Mattsun said that he needed some time, after all.

 

The third day, he got shouted at in work again – it was Kuroo’s fault though, really. Hanamaki walked home ready to complain and be soothed, but Pancake was the only one waiting for him.

 

The following days are blurry.

 

The seventh day, he let himself be talked into joining Oikawa and Iwaizumi for the meet-up thing while Minako takes care of Pancake.

 

Hanamaki’s next challenger is Akaashi. Before Hanamaki can even ask, he’s already answering the unspoken question. “Bokuto-san will be competing in the arm wrestling, so apparently I had to join something as well. However, I don’t intent to get my arm broken by _them_ ,” he says and nods towards a group of people few feet away from them. “I just want to watch and maybe drool a little.”

 

Hanamaki recognizes Iwaizumi, Bokuto and Sawamura, the rest are mostly strangers he’s only seen once or twice. Oh, and Jim. Hanamaki has to stop by to greet that guy later. He looks back at Akaashi and smirk is met with a smirk. “I know what you mean.”

 

The first year sighs. “Let’s get this started then.”

 

Remember how this was not a party? Well, cross that out, because out of nowhere, there’s a guy with a megaphone, and he’s shouting that all winners that day will get to kiss whoever they want. The people go crazy and suddenly it is a party, with Hanamaki in the centre of attention.

 

Akaashi lets himself to be beaten in few seconds, because apparently, he cannot be bothered, and Hanamaki is starting to get nervous – it’s not like he _wants_ to kiss anyone here, but he knows how the crowd is once these shits get started.

 

He _does_ win.

 

But, much to his luck, he manages to talk the megaphone guy into leaving the kisses once all the completions are finished.

 

There’s a break before the arm wrestling and Hanamaki walks to the calmer hall, slumping down on the floor as he plays in the phone in his hand. He catches a glimpse of Yahaba and his boyfriend, fighting about something but making up the next second and Hanamaki has to look away in order not to watch them make out again. It’s not really surprising.

 

What is, however, are Oikawa and Sugawara talking to Akaashi. Hanamaki is ready to go save him from them when he notices that Akaashi, the always bored looking Akaashi, is smirking and snickering with them. And boy, that’s something new for Hanamaki.

 

He notes to ask Oikawa about this later when Iwaizumi sits beside him. “Congratulations, winner.”

 

Hanamaki chuckles and leans his head back, resting it against the cold wall behind him. “Thanks, soon to be winner.”

 

“Oh, don’t overestimate me; there are some great candidates this year.”

“Your gym buddies?”

“Exactly. It will be tough.”

Hanamaki laughs again. “Okay, okay.”

 

Iwaizumi joins him and for a while, they just laugh side by side, until Iwaizumi turns serious. “You know, I wanted to talk to you for a while now.”

 

Hanamaki turns to face him and scowls slightly due the confusion. “Why?”

 

“How are you and such.”

“ _Oh_.”

“So?”

“Honestly, like a shit.”

 

Iwaizumi nods beside him and scratches the back of his neck, something he does when he’s unsure of what to say. Hanamaki makes it easier for him.

 

“You know the feeling when you weren’t actually dating but it still felt like a breakup when you stopped talking?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s how it feels like now when Mattsun is gone.”

 

His friend hums and sips from the cup in his hand, before he clears his throat. “Well, I’m not sure if it’s really helpful, but.. I’ve been meaning to tell you something, about me and Oikawa.”

 

“Oh?”

 

Iwaizumi isn’t one to talk about their relationship; he prefers to keep their things between them. However, with Hanamaki, he’s already made quite a few expectations.

 

“We were in similar situation in high school. We were dancing around each other for how long I can remember, but in our third year, Oikawa started acting differently. When I finally asked, he said that he wanted to put a label on us to know what exactly we were. I didn’t understand, to me he was _Oikawa_ , and that was enough, but not for him. It was confusing to me that he felt the need to label us. After few weeks of this ‘figuring things out’, we had a fight,” Iwaizumi sighs and rubs his forehead.

 

“I always just kind of assumed that.. We didn’t need a word to describe us. We had _something_ , whatever it was, and that was all I needed. I told Oikawa and-“

“And?”

 

“We had another fight,” Iwaizumi continues, “Bigger one. The biggest one, to be exact. There was lots of shouting and yelling, because the school was slowly ending and for some reason, Oikawa was desperate. He got really pissed off, like you’ve never seen him, and we didn’t talk for two weeks.”

 

Hanamaki frowns and looks at Iwaizumi. “What happened then?”

 

“We went to uni, as friends. Then, I realised that I loved him and told him. And he said he felt the same. That’s how we got where we are now. I thought .. I think you might feel similar to how Oikawa did. You know, scared because you don’t know what _exactly_ you and Mattsun are, like you need the label on you two.”

 

Hanamaki stares at his friend, his friend who is not good with words and yet always gives the best advice out of nowhere. He realises- He _does_ need the label. Badly. He needs to know where their boundaries are, what he can and cannot.

 

He needs the label to know if what he’s feeling is wrong or right.

 

“You suck at this!” Hanamaki turns around to see Oikawa, walking towards them. “You really suck at this, Iwa-chan.”

 

Hanamaki laughs as Oikawa settles in Iwaizumi’s lap. “How would you say it, then?” Iwaizumi asks, faking to be irritated. Hanamaki knows he isn’t, not with the way his arms curl around Oikawa’s waist.

 

“Easily. Makki, Mattsun sees you as more than friend this whole time and you’re an ass,” Oikawa says and snaps his fingers. “See, no need for the life story and all that.”

 

Iwaizumi pinches his boyfriend’s side and Oikawa yelps, but soon they’re both laughing, Hanamaki along with them.

 

He stares at the three words in the thin bar on the display of his phone; the ones he almost sent a week ago. He knows that people have been apart for longer period of time, but to him, it feels like years already.

 

He understands Oikawa now. He understands the need to sort things out, to have a label and move on. It’s the unknown, the unsure, that’s been scaring him ever since he’s met Mattsun.

 

He deletes the three words and types other ones. ‘I’m ready to talk’. This time, he presses the send button.

 

Just after that, Sugawara comes over to announce that arm wrestling is about to start and they all get up, following the silver-haired man.

 

They find bunch of guys rolling their sleeves up, some in tank tops already and some go shirtless – Hanamaki isn’t complaining, he can appreciate the result of their efforts in gym. Iwaizumi is apparently forbidden to either take his t-shirt off or wear tank top, so he simply rolls his sleeves up while Oikawa encourages him. Or, at least, _tries to._

Hanamaki stands with Oikawa and Sugawara, both of them already thirsty to see their boyfriends. Hanamaki doesn’t blame them, really.

 

The first round is Bokuto versus a guy whose name Hanamaki doesn’t know, but it doesn’t matter, because Bokuto easily wins. He jumps out of his seat and hugs Akaashi, who manages to look mildly annoyed even when he runs his skinny fingers over Bokuto’s arms. The man sets him free not long after, when it’s his turn again. Hanamaki won’t lie – he doesn’t quite understand the system the people managing this have.

 

He briefly catches bits of the conversation between Oikawa, Sugawara and now Akaashi. “Wait, if you’re considered the former setter club – I’ve seen the group chat name-, what club would be your boyfriends?”

 

The three of them furrow their eyebrows as they think; it’s hilarious to watch. Hanamaki almost feels bad.

 

“Captain club?” Sugawara asks and Akaashi nods, but Oikawa disagrees.

“Nooo, Iwa-chan wasn’t captain!”

“Ace club?” Akaashi tries.

“Won’t work, Daichi isn’t ace.” Sugawara shakes head.

 

The miss the whole match between two members of the swimming club before Oikawa victoriously calls: “The buff club!”

 

The other two nod in agreement and that’s it, Hanamaki has helped to create a club. Iwaizumi turns his head in order to find the source of the noise behind him just in time to hear Oikawa and he sighs, mumbling something under his breath before he goes back to talking to Sawamura.

 

In the end, Sawamura is third and receives a pack of condoms as a prize, which he very embarrassedly (blushing deep shade of red) accepts and thanks to his adorableness is also named **The University’s Sweetheart™**. Beside Hanamaki, Sugawara whispers ‘if they only knew’ and honestly, Hanamaki does _not_ want to know.

 

The last round, between Iwaizumi and Bokuto, goes on forever. While Oikawa is cheering on Iwaizumi, Akaashi stays calm and only watches. When Hanamaki questions it, the first year sends him a smirk and leans to Bokuto, whispering god knows what. It must be dirty as hell, because Bokuto blushes madly, but keeps his posture and keeps on fighting. Once again, Hanamaki doesn’t want to know – couples these days are terrible.

 

Hanamaki is pretty impressed when few minutes later, Iwaizumi manages to roll his eyes, tell Oikawa to shut up and slam Bokuto’s hand down on the table at the same time. It’s really impressive.

 

There is loud cheering and Hanamaki catches Akaashi ready to soothe Bokuto, however the man doesn’t look like he needs it – he simply hugs Akaashi, kisses his forehead and asks if he wants something to drink. Now those are the couples that Hanamaki supports. (Not those who angrily make out in the hall, and yes, Hanamaki is looking at you, Yahaba guy).

 

Oikawa seems to be much happier about the win than Iwaizumi is, but he lets Oikawa cling to him anyway. Sugawara disappears along with Sawamura and suddenly, Hanamaki is all alone.

 

He decides it’s time to sneak out before the megaphone guy remembers the kissing thing, but someone tugs on his sleeve right when he’s about to leave.

 

“Now the winners!”

 

_Damn the megaphone guy._

Hanamaki is forced to stand on some box along with Iwaizumi while people clap for them and honestly, it’s embarrassing, but Iwaizumi nudges his shoulder and laughs and Hanamaki has to join.

 

“And now, the kisses that were promised!”

 

Ah, there he goes, the jerk with megaphone. Hanamaki sighs, because Iwaizumi has it simply, but Hanamaki? What the hell is he supposed to do to get out of this and keep the last bits of his pride?

 

He sees Oikawa make his way towards them and Iwaizumi leans down to him. Hanamaki expects them to kiss, but there’s only ‘ _shall we?_ ’ and ‘ _we shall_ ’, which Hanamaki doesn’t quite understand, before seconds later Oikawa is standing next to him and both his friends kiss his cheeks with loud sounds to entertain the crowd.

 

Much to his surprise, it works and no one bothers them about ‘real kissing’ after they get off the box.

 

“Well, that was fun,” Oikawa comments, “Makki, want us to walk you to the station?”

 

Hanamaki nods, too shocked to speak, seriously touched by how his friends saved his poor ass, and they make their way out of the community room. They’re walking through the hall when Hanamaki notices little papers adherent to the walls. “What’s that?” he asks, stepping closer and reading the first one he sees. It says ‘I’m sorry for ruining your favourite t-shirt’ and some hearts.

 

Iwaizumi turns to him. “Oh, the latest trend. People are writing apologies and then sticking them all around the school.”

 

Hanamaki hums and reads another few before he turns to Oikawa. “Do you have a paper and pen?”

 

It’s pointless to ask; he knows that Oikawa always carries these around.

 

Hanamaki ends up writing simple ‘I’m sorry I pushed you away because I was scared’ and sticks it on the empty spot on the wall before he rushes to follow his friends outside.

 

 

 

**

 

 

Hanamaki unlocks the door and walks inside, tiredly kicking his shoes off when he gets the weird feeling in his gut. He looks up and realises his gut was right.

 

“I’m home,” Mattsun says quietly, even though he’s the one standing in the hall, dressed in his comfy clothes already.

 

“Welcome back,” Hanamaki replies dazedly, automatically, even though he’s the one standing by the door, his heart practically jumping in his chest and his throat too dry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've made more mistakes than usually in this chapter but I'm too tired to look for them, so, sorry about that
> 
> Also, I love Bokuto, but in this fic, I'm all for Iwaizumi to win
> 
>  
> 
> Aaand, Coffee and Pancake surpassed my best (and favourite tbh) work posted here and that's totally crazy in my eyes, so thank you all!


	16. Chapter 16

Hanamaki’s breath is taken away by Mattsun’s presence. He’s forgotten just how overwhelming it can be only to look at him, be pulled closer by his charm.

 

To be honest, it’s the most innocent things that Hanamaki has missed. It’s only been a week, but Hanamaki feels so disconnected, because this whole week Mattsun hadn’t told him what troubled his (beautiful) mind before he went to sleep, what were his dreams about, what kind of first thoughts he had after he’d woken up. He didn’t get to eat breakfast with Mattsun, who’s usually still sleepy after two hours of being awake; he didn’t get to laugh at his jokes and stories.

 

He can’t help but remember the one time he and Mattsun lied in Hanamaki’s bed, little too close in order to fit on the small mattress.

 

“You know,” Mattsun said, his eyes closed, “When I was a kid, I’ve always felt terribly sorry for slugs, because I thought that they were snails that lost their homes, their shells, and got tanned thanks to it.”

 

Hanamaki laughed so hard he hit his elbow and even had a bruise from it.

 

He almost smiles at the memory. Almost because Mattsun is still standing right in front of him, gazing at him with unsure eyes and Hanamaki wishes he could put him at ease, but he’s at loss of words. It’s stupid, really, because this is Mattsun – the guy who Hanamaki lives with and adores and he should be able to speak like a normal person.

 

There’s a sound of soft padding and even Pancake stops in the middle of them, like he’s confused by the atmosphere as well. Hanamaki wouldn’t be surprised, because past the few days, he caught the dog sleeping in Mattsun’s bed instead of his own; lying by the front door until Hanamaki called him. In Hanamaki’s mind, he’s-

 

“Pancake missed you. I think he did.”

 

Mattsun seemingly relaxes at the words, although Hanamaki is mentally beating himself up for being a coward and not admitting that the one person who truly missed Mattsun is him.

 

“I missed him too,” Mattsun replies and leans down, picking the dog up. He’s bigger now, huge in Mattsun’s arms, but the man doesn’t struggle at all and Pancake is more than pleased to be held by him.

 

On normal occasion, Hanamaki would take a picture – and of course, post it to his Pancake instagram. However, he guesses messing around wouldn’t help the situation at all.

 

Truth to be told, Hanamaki has never considered himself to be a true adult. Sure, he moved out from his parent’s house, he had a job and even a pet to take care of. But when something went wrong, in most cases, he felt like there was a need to find another adult – professional adult. Now however, he’s in this all alone and it’s only up to him.

 

He thinks back to the story of Oikawa and Iwaizumi and realises that it probably took lots of courage to do the first step Iwaizumi did. And Hanamaki isn’t that brave. He cannot look Mattsun in the eye and express his feelings just like that, out of nowhere.

 

Luckily and maybe not, Mattsun _is_ brave. (But Hanamaki has already knew that)

 

“Want to sit down and have some coffee?” he asks.

Hanamaki nods. “I’ll make it.”

 

 

 

It’s awkward. It’s awkward sitting across Mattsun and not knowing what to say, what to do. Hanamaki is the one supposed to be apologizing, however there’s so much and he isn’t sure where to start-

 

“I’m sorry for assuming things,” Mattsun says flatly and sips his coffee. Hanamaki made it into his favourite mug that says ' **best big bro** ', but Mattsun isn’t as happy about it as he usually is.

 

Hanamaki’s throat is too dry and all the words sound stupid in his head, but he manages to choke out: “What did you assume?”

 

Mattsun’s gaze drops down this time, his hand squeezing the mug just a little tighter than seconds ago and Hanamaki wants to bury himself somewhere (in Mattsun’s embrace). He waits and waits, and it’s torture, because Mattsun looks like he’s fighting with himself and Hanamaki just wants to kiss his forehead and tell him not to force himself. His adult side, however, tells him that they have to do this, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it is.

 

Not to lie, it’s hard not to jump across the table when Mattsun pulls his sleeves to cover his palms, only his long fingers sticking out as he grips the fabric – it’s adorable and it’s one of Hanamaki’s favourite things about Mattsun.

 

“That we were a thing,” Mattsun finally almost whispers.

 

Hanamaki’s heart shatters right then and there. So they _were_ a thing. Again, it takes all the willpower Hanamaki has not to kiss Mattsun and forget their talk. But he cannot do that, because it’s practically a miracle that Mattsun has agreed to talk. If it was Hanamaki in his position, he would most likely move out and never speak to Mattsun again, his heart too broken and his pride burned down. He admires Mattsun for coming back.

 

It’s time to show the true colours, Hanamaki decides, because he can’t stand seeing Mattsun in this state any longer.

 

“I never thought you could think that,” he replies, ashamed now when the words are said out loud. “I thought you were just messing around with me after your breakup because you were lonely and we were only friends in your eyes.”

 

Mattsun breathes in and then out, something he does when he’s sorting out his thoughts. “ _You’re an idiot,_ ” is all he says.

 

“Well, I know that already, but why?”

 

The man looks at him in disbelief.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not catching up-“

“I told you! I told you and you still thought I’m fucking around,” Mattsun spits out angrily.

 

 

Hanamaki is sitting in the kitchen, rethinking his life choices and how hard it will be to find new flatmate when he notices that Mattsun seem to calm down, a faint blush on his cheeks. When Hanamaki stares at him, he looks away and clears his throat. At least he isn’t one to stay mad for long.

 

“However - I’ve been informed that you can’t handle your drink and you’re not, in fact, _stupid_ but you only don’t remember.”

 

Hanamaki isn’t sure if it’s supposed to be an apology or not, however when he takes in how embarrassed Mattsun is, he simply laughs, because that’s all he can do at this point. “Thanks, really.”

 

The black-haired man nods and sips his coffee – it must be cold at this point.

 

“So, what I don’t remember?” Hanamaki asks.

 

The faint blush is nowhere near faint anymore; instead it’s deep red and Hanamaki has never seen Mattsun like this. He plays with his fingers when he answers: “I told you I liked you. When we almost made out after that time in the pub and Yahaba was pissed off because we woke him up.”

 

Hanamaki frowns and turns to Mattsun as he gets serious once more. “You told me that?”

 

“Yes.”

“ _Oh_.”

 

They sit in the awkward silence for a while before Hanamaki decides to break it. “Well, remembering that would have saved me from a lot of trouble, gotta be honest.”

 

“I thought you knew all along,” Mattsun mumbles, still as red as a strawberry. “At least until I asked Iwaizumi and he told me.”

 

Hanamaki giggles and like that, all the tension is gone. He leans closer to peak at Mattsun and the man smiles at him, shyly but genuinely.

 

Then Hanamaki stops.

 

“But you were in a relationship back then, weren’t you?”

“Yeah. That’s why the making out didn’t happen,” Mattsun deadpans, clearly _done_ with Hanamaki.

“Ooh.”

 

Mattsun places his hand over his mouth and furrows his eyebrows. For a second, Hanamaki thinks he’s mad again, but then his shoulder shake and he realises that he’s hiding his laughter. Hanamaki pouts. “Hey, I still don’t remember, don’t laugh at me!”

 

“I broke up with him when I realised that I do like you,” Mattsun giggles, his eyes almost closed. “But I told you that as well.”

 

Hanamaki rolls his eyes and reaches out to push Mattsun’s shoulder. “Right, right.”

 

Mattsun’s laughter dies out and they gaze at each other, the main and obvious question hovering in the air. Hanamaki doesn’t want to ask – he doesn’t be the one to ask.

 

“So..”

“So?”

 

Hanamaki can’t remember the last time things were this awkward with Mattsun – mainly because things were never awkward with Mattsun; they brushed their teeth together like a married couple of long years many times.

 

“It’s your turn to embarrass yourself. I’m done.”

 

Hanamaki huffs.

 

“Fine.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m going to.”

“I’m waiting.”

“Well I’m gonna.”

“Okay.”

“Fine.”

 

 _It’s easier said than done._ What exactly is Hanamaki supposed to say? Should he ask Mattsun to date him? Should be spill out his feelings and wait? _How the hell do people do relationships?_

“Issei.”

“Hiro.”

 

Hanamaki tries to hide his stupid grin, because it _is_ stupid to be this happy only because they’re back to calling each other by given names. He fails and Mattsun smirks at him.

 

“I am sorry for being an idiot, _your words_.”

“Apology accepted.”

 

Hanamaki takes a deep breath and closes his eyes in the process. “Do you remember how you said you wouldn’t let me go until I’m ready? That time when we went ice skating?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Hanamaki opens his eyes, just slightly; slightly enough to see Mattsun smiling at him and that gives him enough courage to continue. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.”

 

“That’s cool with me.”

“That means you gotta date me.”

“Still cool with me.”

 

Hanamaki laughs, finally free of his worries. Sure, it’s not the most romantic confession, but then again; he’s no romantic soul and neither is Mattsun – they discovered this the first time they watched the Japanese drama on Mattsun’s laptop. They don’t need big gestures or cheesy words. To be honest, all Hanamaki needs is knowing that Mattsun will be there to brush his teeth with him, talk him to sleep when he had too much coffee (he blames his job), laugh at him and make him dinner (Hanamaki is in serious need of good food after the last week of instant ramen).

 

 

**

 

 

It’s already late, but neither of them can fall asleep – or rather, neither of them wants to. Hanamaki is going through the papers on his desk when two envelopes fall right in front him. He’s almost forgotten about them and how scared he was to open them. He secretly peaks on Mattsun, who’s busy cuddling with Pancake. Hanamaki cannot run from two envelopes forever.

 

It’s not what he’s expected. He feels himself blush like crazy and honestly, how does Akaashi do this?

 

“What’s that?” Mattsun asks from behind him suddenly.

 

They both stare at the pictures of them, clearly taken without them knowing. But somehow, not in a creepy way. There’s one of them in the community room, talking about something and Mattsun has this normal book on his lap. There are other people too, each minding own business – it’s taken a while after they started hanging out, most likely their first picture. It’s the one that Mattsun picks up.

 

“You know where we should put this?”

“No.”

“The wall.”

 

And they do. And, as cheesy and embarrassing as it is for Hanamaki, Mattsun grabs a red marker and draws a heart around the two of them. Still, Hanamaki grins when he’s looking at the finished masterpiece. It is kinda nice, after all.

 

 

**

 

“They might eat you alive.”

“They already know me.”

_“They might eat you alive. My friends are protective.”_

Mattsun shakes his head and knocks on the door with his free hand. The other one is, much to Hanamaki’s happiness, holding tightly Hanamaki’s as they stand in front of the room, ready to be a couple. They hear a loud whine, then a shout and then Iwaizumi is finally opening the door.

 

“We were waiting for you,” he says, without a second glance on their joined fingers.

 

Hanamaki nods and follows Iwaizumi inside – it’s still weird, stepping in the familiar room but not living there anymore. However, Hanamaki is slowly getting used to it.

 

What he’s not used to is Oikawa in his shorts, crying on the floor and _getting his legs waxed??_

“What the hell..” Hanamaki breathes out.

 

Iwaizumi turns to them like he just now realised that there’s something not quite normal. “Oh, that. He lost a bet.”

 

“I thought it would be Mattsun,” Oikawa cries out and crawls away when Iwaizumi sits beside him. “Not you, big cry baby Makki!”

 

Hanamaki shrugs (who’s the real cry baby here, Oikawa?) and slumps on the empty mattress, pulling Mattsun with him. His friends aren’t treating them any differently. Some things will never change, apparently – especially not Oikawa losing all the bets.

 

Mattsun tugs on his sleeve and gestures for him to lean closer. Hanamaki frowns, “ _I swear to god_ , if you fake fart in my ear _again_ -“

“I won’t.”

 

With a sigh, he does lean closer – ready to fight Mattsun if he is playing dirty, that bastard. Hanamaki cannot even count how many times he’s done it already. However, the man only whispers: “Give me your phone.”

 

 

When he gets his phone back, there’s also a new message from a contact Issei (and five heart emojis). The text says ‘Date?’. Hanamaki hides his chuckle by a cough and replies ‘When?’

 

‘Tomorrow’

‘Okay’

‘I’ll pick you up, don’t be late’

 

 

Hanamaki laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see these two as people who couldn't stay serious for long - even during their serious talk, so this happened. (and it started all nice and serious ..)  
> Also, spot the cheesy shit. 
> 
> Few other things I want to say:
> 
> I believe Oikawa loses bets all the time  
> The slugs and snails story is real story of mine (oh wel...)  
> Mattsun's fave mug was a gift by his sis and she gave it to him when he went to uni  
> The pictures from Akaashi were actually taken by Bokuto, who happens to be taking pictures of everything all the time ("For memories, Akaashi")  
> Pancake is by now pretty big, he weights at least 20 kg and Mattsun is carrying him (muscles guys, muscles)  
> It's not exactly mentioned, but Mattsun goes to gym with Iwaizumi since they met, that's how he got to talk to him about Makki being terrible with drinking


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so .. Writer block. A big one. I know I was supposed to end this two weeks ago, but the stupid block happened. FML (also, i think it's psychical a bit as well because i'm so fixated to this, you have no idea, i do not want it to end, like, ever)
> 
> Instead of the last chapter, have some filler chapter (damn carrie, back at it again with your bullshit)

Hanamaki isn’t one to get scared easily. He checks underneath his bed before he goes to sleep like any other responsible adult and he jumps when Oikawa sneaks behind him only two times out of five. He doesn’t watch horror movies after 3 pm and closes his eyes when he knows the scary part of the movie is up next.

 

However, waking up to the cold, empty bed on Saturday morning is something worrying – Mattsun usually have to be dragged out of the bed, quite literally. Hanamaki rubs his eyes and looks around, and Mattsun is really nowhere to be seen. With a heavy heart and sleepy head, he climbs out of the bed and stumbles to Mattsun’s room first. When he doesn’t find the black haired man there either, he goes for kitchen – no luck.

 

Then he hears some noise from the bathroom.

 

“Issei?”

 

Without a response, he sighs and walks towards the bathroom, only to be stopped by locked door, which is another weird thing; Mattsun doesn’t lock the door, not even when he’s in the shower.

 

“Issei?” Hanamaki tries again, a bit louder this time.

 

He hears a hum and then there’s a tiny voice coming out of the room. “Yeah?”

 

Hanamaki sighs in relief – okay, he _does_ get scared and worried, especially when it comes to Mattsun. He sometimes wakes up randomly in the middle of the night, checks that the man beside him is breathing, that he is sleeping peacefully (don’t even get started on what happens when Mattsun is having some kind of nightmare) and then he himself goes back to sleep. Hanamaki wouldn’t call it abnormal; not after Iwaizumi admitted he understands the feeling.

 

“Something wrong?” he asks, chewing on his bottom lip.

“No-o.”

 

Hanamaki frowns at the reply. He knows better. By now, he knows all the little habits and things Mattsun does: when he’s nervous, he holds his sleeves over his palms (it’s still the most adorable thing Hanamaki has seen). When he’s worried, he rubs his fingertips over his thumbs. When he’s sad because of something, he spaces out a lot. And when he’s happy, Hanamaki’s person favourite state, he always tries to hide his smile – he’s insecure about it, Hanamaki knows that as well now and doesn’t quite understand– but usually fails.

 

“Tell me,” Hanamaki says gently, not wanting to pressure Mattsun.

 

“You will laugh.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

 

He barely hears the man sigh inside the small room. “I can’t go out today.”

 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

 

Hanamaki laughs. “Issei, we don’t have to go out. We can stay in if you want to. We don’t even have to spend time together if you don’t feel like it.”

 

“I want to spend time with you. I just don’t want you to see me like this.”

 

That catches Hanamaki’s attention and he scowls again. “Alright. What about I just sit down right here and we talk?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Hanamaki slumps down on the floor and smiles as Pancake runs to him to provide him some company; and some cuddles as well. He scratches behind his ear as he speaks up again. “Did you see the last picture I sent you?”

 

“No. I will check.” A short silence follows before Mattsun laughs. “ _What the hell?”_

“Don’t ask me!” Hanamaki chuckles, remembering the picture of the dog dressed in stockings. “We should dress Pancake for Halloween.”

 

“He would be adorable pumpkin,” Mattsun comments.

“Why pumpkin?”

“I don’t know, that was the first thing that came to my mind when you said Halloween.”

 

Two hours later, Hanamaki is lying on the floor, Pancake by his side and he’s sending funny pictures to Mattsun, who remains in the bathroom. It’s apparently not that bad and Hanamaki decides to give it time, whatever Mattsun’s problem is.

 

“Hiro?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t laugh at how stupid I am, okay?”

“I promise.”

 

He sits up and moves from the door just in time it opens. Hanamaki looks Mattsun up and down, but catches nothing wrong. He’s wearing his old pyjama and his eyes are sleepy just like any other morning. The man settles beside Hanamaki and rests his head on Hanamaki’s shoulder, much to Hanamaki’s delight. There’s something precious about this innocent gesture.

 

“Want to talk about it?” Hanamaki peeks at his face and smiles at Mattsun’s pout.

 “I found a gray hair,” Mattsun mutters and Hanamaki has to use all his willpower to keep his promise.

“Okay. That’s probably because of all the stress, you know,” he says carefully.

“I’m getting old.”

“So am I. We both are, together.”

 

The black (and gray) haired man sighs and snuggles closer to Hanamaki as Hanamaki strokes his side over the cotton t-shirt.

 

“It’s not that bad, I promise. Can I see it?”

“Yeah,” Mattsun moves away and bends his head down.

 

Hanamaki gently runs his fingers through the soft, black hair until he finds the gray one and he has to smile. When he thinks about it, it’s quite cute. “Got it, but only barely, I’m telling you.”

 

Mattsun huffs and Hanamaki does laugh this time. “Wanna get rid of it?”

“Please.”

 

Hanamaki chuckles and rips the single hair off, immediately leaning down to kiss the spot better. When he pulls away to look at his now all black haired boyfriend, Mattsun is still pouting, although there’s a smile tugging on his lips.

 

“Here you go,” Hanamaki grins and shows him the hair between his fingers.

“Can we pretend it’s Pancake’s?”

“Yeah, we can do that,” Hanamaki smiles.

 

Mattsun returns the smile and cups Hanamaki’s face in his hands as he kisses him. They both soon decide it’s a bad idea and break it.

 

“Brush teeth first.”

“Definitely,” Mattsun giggles and gets up.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The writer block is the worst, oh my. And I'm still not fully over it, so please accept this short domestic-fluff-shit as apology for me being a poor excuse of a writer.
> 
> I will try my best to write the actual last chapter properly soon. Again, I'm really sorry.
> 
> If it makes you better, I'm turning this au into series and I will be writing other couples from this interacting with Pancake ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my lil bun's birthday, I finally kicked my ass and did this

Hanamaki has imagined many scenarios of their date.

 

Perhaps Mattsun would take him to some secret place and it would become _their_ secret place. Hanamaki likes this one the most, because it’s special (also terribly cheesy, _yes, sue him_ ). Or maybe they would just go eat somewhere, nothing expensive, and have good time together - they always have good time together, after all.

 

He hasn’t been imagining this; the cold hall of the hospital and sleepy Mattsun beside him along with another six people. It’s not all that bad though, because sleepy Mattsun is so cute and it distracts him from the _pain_.

 

His boyfriend looks at him, that small smile playing on his lips. “Are you still sulking?”

“Yes,” Hanamaki breathes out.

 

It’s not because of his now poorly wrapped hand or the fact it’s getting late. It’s because they’re in public and he can’t hold Mattsun’s hand or kiss him, and they’ve already been waiting here for two hours. It’s driving him a little crazy, especially when he realises just how much he is used to be hidden away with Mattsun, where no one can hear them, see them or judge them. It makes his heart hurt only thinking about Mattsun receiving some hate Hanamaki knows people are capable of.

 

“It’ll be out turn soon,” Mattsun reassures him and briefly pats his thigh, his hand disappearing as soon as it appears. “Then we will go home and watch something until we fall asleep. How does that sound?”  


It sounds great, having Mattsun in his arms without any worries in the world while he slowly falls asleep. But, being an adult that he is, he just pouts as a reply, which makes the dark haired man chuckle.

 

Hanamaki sighs and continues playing Oikawa’s game on his phone (he has already beaten his friend’s best score) while Mattsun closes his eyes again.

 

After another half an hour, Hanamaki groans.

 

“Want something to drink?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty thirsty,” Hanamaki smirks.

 

Mattsun catches on and smirks as well when he stands up and walks to get some hot chocolate. He’s still wearing his work uniform – long white coat over black sweater and skinny jeans – and Hanamaki honestly believes this is the best outfit Mattsun has ever worn and is ready to worship this outfit. Of course, he remembers the simple rule to live peacefully, so he remains from commenting this until they get home.

 

_Friend in the streets, boyfriend in the sheets._

 

Which is funny, because Hanamaki is just huge virgin.

 

Mattsun returns with two drinks and passes one to Hanamaki, who mumbles his thanks and immediately sips the hot drink. Hanamaki feels a little bad for scaring the poor guy like he did when he rushed in the clinic with Pancake, his hand bleeding and Pancake nervously barking by his side. Are you supposed to reach between two dogs when they attack? No. Did Hanamaki do just that when some dog attacked Pancake? Yes. Did he get scolded by both Mattsun and his mother after they confirmed Pancake doesn’t have even a scratch? Yes.

 

Would he do it again? Absolutely yes.

 

He almost regrets his decision when there’s a needle going through his skin 20 minutes later and he stares at Mattsun in order not to start crying.

 

 

**

 

So what it’s not exactly a date? They grab some found on their way home and Hanamaki whines for so long that Mattsun agrees to feed him. Their special place isn’t all that special; it’s just Hanamaki’s bed where the two of them and Pancake can barely fit. But Hanamaki isn’t complaining ( _he is, about his hand, but that’s a story for different time_ ).

 

“You know,” he says when the hours on the clock are late enough to excuse him the next day, “I wonder if it was Pancake what brought us together.”

 

The dark haired man looks down at him, his hand steadily brushing through Hanamaki’s hair. “Are you sentimental?”

 

Hanamaki rolls his eyes, but nods. “I guess. I’m glad he’s okay.”

“I’m glad _both of you_ are okay.”

“It looked worse than it was.”

“You almost cried.”

“I was shocked, okay? Pancake is my child and I have to protect him.”

“Of course.”

 

Hanamaki smiles, pleased with himself. He reaches out his healthy hand and strokes Mattsun’s cheek. “So?”

 

The man chuckles, amused by the fact Hanamaki refuses to let go of this topic. “Maybe. Maybe it was Kuroo. Maybe it was Akaashi. Maybe it was your ex.”

 

“Or your ex,” Hanamaki comments. He’s still kind of mad at him for what he’s done to Mattsun after their break up. However, Mattsun has assured him that things are fine between them.

 

“Or my ex,” Mattsun muses.

“But why Kuroo?”

“Because thanks to Kuroo you got to know Akaashi and so on.”

 

Hanamaki nods. He still has questions, so many of them. How Akaashi became a dealer? Why he does it? _Why the hell Kuroo posted all these pictures?_

 

“Does it really matter though?” Mattsun asks quietly.

 

Hanamaki supposes it does not – not when they have been brought together, somehow. “I love you,” he mutters, more to himself, but once it leaves his mouth, he realises the impact of those words.

 

Mattsun pulls away from him, eyes wider than Hanamaki has ever seen them, and he only stares. Just as Hanamaki starts to worry, his expression softens into that lazy smile.

 

“I love you too,” he replies, like it’s not a big deal. Maybe it isn’t anymore. “You know, we should go for holiday. Travel around Japan for like a week, just two of us.”

 

“What about Pancake?” Hanamaki asks his first concern.

 

He looks at the dog, sleeping peacefully by their feet. He looks like a giant ball of white fluff like this and Hanamaki would pet him only if he wasn’t scared he would wake him up.

 

“I think we know enough people who could look after him,” Mattsun says and then no words are spoken as they kiss, gently and quietly, hidden and safe from the world and everything mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took this long, I just couldn't bring myself to end this. And then I left the ending kinda open so I can easily continue this story through the series, although it won't be centered around Makki and Mattsun (cries forever). 
> 
> This said, if you have any ideas what would you like in the series if you plan on keeping up with it, let me know. I personally want to write about how Akaashi became dealer, how Kenma dealt with that poor kitten and met Kuroo and, of course, some Iwaoi and more stories that are background in this.
> 
> This fic was a huge challenge for me on so many levels, so I'm really grateful and pride it turned out better than I expected, though not perfect. Anyway, thank you for all the feedback and comments and all and I hope you enjoyed it at least a tiny bit.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and all the support!


End file.
